I don't know why but I feel myself really pulling away from some of my really good friends. Well I probably know why, I think it's so hard to hear the gasp and the reading between the lines of what they are thinking. I know it's not fair but I want to be able to share some of this without them thinking my son is a monster. (Crazy I know). I know the things he's done are terrible and I don't know why I it bothers me, I know they love me. I'm only talking about 2 really good friends. One I've been best friends with for 40 years. I have always been extremely private, never even hit the like button on fb. (Which I have deactivated), because it has just become too painful to watch the family post that are not like mine. I do feel myself going inward almost like a recluse if I didn't work. I know those few that I confided in are curious but I can't bring myself to talk to them because I don't want to give updates, so I sit in silence other than this site. My siblings and I are totally dis functional especially since my mother passed. I feel like they don't really want to know because it stresses them out too much. I am my own worst enemy. I don't know why I'm posting this, I have no clear thoughts. I've said this before, this has become my face book! For some reason I can take the advice and judgements made of my son on this site but in "real life" it hurts more.