Sally, welcome. Yes, there are many here who deal with adult children who fail to launch as a result of mental illness or conduct/personality disorders. It is an extremely difficult and severely sad situation for us parents. Have you contacted NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness? You can access them online, they have chapters everywhere and offer excellent information, tools and support groups for parents with kids with mental issues. After all of this time, you are likely exhausted, depleted, resentful, sad, guilty and burdened.............you MUST focus on yourself and learn ways to care for YOU while you figure out what exactly you are willing to do for your daughter and what you're not. For me, I got involved in a year long program on codependency within a large HMO. I ended up in a group with other parents who have adult kids dealing with mental illness and it was invaluable in helping me detach and learn acceptance. It freed me from the clutches of guilt, resentment, anger and enabling. At the bottom of my post there is an article on detachment which you might find helpful.
Most of us here learn various degrees of detachment and acceptance in order for US, the parents to have some peace of mind, some joy and to get our lives back. Often our lives are completely taken over by the illnesses and actions of our kids and we have to learn tools and get support to remember how to support ourselves. If you can, find a good therapist to assist you. A parent group is also so beneficial, any place where the emphasis is on YOU and you can learn to take care of YOU.
I'm glad you found us, we certainly empathize and understand your feelings. Keep posting it helps. It helps us if you can put a signature at the bottom of your post so we can remember your story and respond accordingly. I wish you peace..........