There was a time I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, didn't believe things would ever improve. difficult child 1 has a very high IQ but did poorly in subjects he wasn't interested in or in classes where he disliked the teacher. His class rank wasn't good enough to get him into most colleges. He was fixated on computers, his entire life revolved around them.
Among other things, difficult child 1 was impossible to live with, stole from us, had frequent melt-downs, was violent, especially towards me, believed he was superior to everyone, and that he was entitled to everything husband and I worked so hard to obtain. husband and I basically threw difficult child 1 out of our home after he graduated high school. We found him an apartment, paid first and last month's rent, and got him to enroll in a nearby junior college. While it was tough in the beginning, to our amazement, he grew from the experience. He learned to appreciate the things he had and that he had to work to get the things he didn't have (fixed computers under the table). He even began to appreciate us.
One of the happiest days of my life was when he called me and told me he wanted to take me out to celebrate Mother's Day and my birthday, just the two of us. From that day forward, he began to talk to me, open up to me. Prior to this, I was usually the target of his anger. He used to say that everything bad that happened to him was my fault. Now, he let me know that he loved me, not so much in words, but in deeds. When he found out we had to put our house up for sale, he spent a weekend with us, helping husband wash the siding, paint the trim, clean the gutters, etc... husband, difficult child 1 and I enjoyed two nights together in our home, having long leisurely dinners, laughing, joking, just enjoying being together. difficult child 1 spent lots of time talking to me and we reminisced over past vacations, fun times we had had (in between the bad times) as he was growing up.
He hated school, said it was too easy, he knew more then the professors. husband and I encouraged him to finish school, to get his associates degree. We kept reminding him that no matter how much he knew, had a much better chance of success if he got that piece of paper, that degree. He listened, not without complaining about his incompetent computer science professors, but at least he finished the classes. He did much better in the classes he was interested in but, unlike high school, made sure he passed the rest with nothing lower then a C.
husband and I were disappointed when he decided not to go to his graduation and told us he was moving out of state to start a web design company with a friend he met on-line. We were worried, sad, etc... We were hoping he would get a job working for a company that would provide benefits, a steady paycheck, etc... However, we hid our feelings and wished him the best of luck. The day before he left, I met him for lunch. Afterwards, I drove him to the community college so he could take his last final. After he hugged me goodbye, I cried the entire way home. I felt like I finally had my son back, he was headed in the right direction, and now he was leaving, his future uncertain.
To make a very long story short (if you've made it this far), it's now been over 2.5 years since that day we kicked him out of our home. During this time, there were periods when it seemed he was living on one long roller coaster ride, lots of bumps, unexpected turns, ups and downs, as he traveled down the path he chose. While he didn't communicate with us as much as we would have liked, he let us know he was here for us. In December of this year, our apartment was broken into at night while we were sleeping. Luckily, it was the night before we were leaving to go "home" for Christmas and husband was with us. (husband was living in another state and easy child/difficult child 3 and I were remaining where we were so she could complete the first semester at the high school she was attending.) easy child/difficult child 3 called difficult child 1 after the detective left the apartment. difficult child 1's immediately asked if all of us were OK, then told her he would come stay with me and easy child/difficult child 3 after we returned from our visit "home."
difficult child 1 came and stayed with us for about a week after we returned from our Christmas trip "home" and husband left for work. Prior to that, he began interviewing to find a more stable job. He learned that having his own business was tough, scary not to know when he would be paid. (I love those natural consequences!!) Several days before he arrived, he interviewed with a company and called me to tell me that it seemed very promising, he thought he would get the job. He found out the next day he got it!! He was so happy!! He called me and told me that not only was the starting salary much better then he had ever dreamed possible, but that he had great benefits, health, dental, 401K, etc... I had to do everything not to laugh. He seemed wise beyond his years.
I enjoyed the time he spent with easy child/difficult child 3 and I so much. He and I spent lots of time laughing, talking, watching movies, making dinners together... He is so proud of his new car, the first one he's ever had, bought with money he earned. He drove me everywhere, put together a special mix of songs he knew I would enjoy for the rides, etc... When he left to begin his new job, I cried but this time, it was just tears of happiness.
He has been working at his new job over a month now. He moved to another apartment, is living alone, bought some furniture and a huge flatscreen, loves his new job, and is happier then he has ever been. I know there will be many more roller coaster rides ahead of him - In some ways, he'll always be a difficult child. I pray daily that he continues to do this well... I love him with all my heart... I am so proud of him... I feel like all the HE77 we went through was worth it.
I hope I remember when I have some more time to come back here, to tell you about difficult child 2. difficult child 2's story is very different from difficult child 1's. He is living on his own with many supports in place. He is happy and doing better then I ever imagined he would. I doubt he'll ever be able to live without supports but that's OK. As Sue said, success is relative. I totally agree.
Your difficult child is still young, probably not finished "cooking," as another member used to say. I hope you begin to see some positive changes soon... Hugs... SFR
My difficult child is a HS dropout, lived on streets/couch surfing from age 18-20. Very marginal existence, drugs, etc. It was probably the very worst 2 years of my life as his parent (and I gotta tell you, the years leading up to age 18 were not a ton of fun). 
