Does anyone know anyone who is married to a difficult child?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by GuideMe, Sep 12, 2014.

  1. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    I am not sure if I posted in the right forum, please forgive me if I didn't. you all know anyone who is married to a difficult child....a difficult child who never changed since childhood and still act's completely in difficult child ways, but some how manages to hold down a job and financially take care of his/her family without any help?

    I know someone, who is 30 years old, his wife and three kids (1st kid from a previous relationship). He is out of control. Makes his wife miserable. Acts like a gift from god in so many ways in all aspects. I just don't know how a bully like him has made it this far in life without ever being arrested or made to be held accountable for his actions.

    All things difficult child has done:

    Very huge pot dealer since 16 years old. Has moved more pot in the last 17 years than a drug lord in Mexico. (has never been caught once by the cops, not once)

    Got into numerous fights and have beaten people pretty badly, some were sent to the hospital, god knows what else he has done. He also has roughed up a few females (that were not his girlfriends) Also, It would't surprise me if he shot or stabbed someone before. (never got arrested, not once)

    Confessed to me that he and his friend robbed a convenient store. (never got caught)

    Has stolen numerous things from numerous people and places, done drugs (although far from a drug addict, but is a pot head big time). Never arrested not once.

    He is very arrogant, doesn't care what you or I think and you better stay out of his way. He will shake you to the core no matter who you are.

    He beats his wife pretty bad, makes her do everything, isolates her and treats her just so badly. He plays massive mind games with her that remind me of what kids do with their parents. (has never been held accountable)

    The cops seem to like him. People like him because he doesn't show his true self at first.

    But somehow he has managed to get his own place of business, be a very involved father to all three of his kids. He is not a present father but he is not absent either. He does take care of them, he makes them get straight A's. They are heavily involved in mixed martial arts (excelling) and all other sports. However, they do see the bad side of him often. Everything is on his time, his kids fight very hard to keep up with his schedule.

    His over all demenour just is very maddening. He walks and talks with attitude from the minute he wakes up. He comes in the room, all attention is on him, he don't care what you're doing. When he decides to leave, he just gets up and go's without explaining to anyone, walks real fast and out the door. Boss's his wife around all day long.

    And of course difficult child has done numerous things I can not even list.

    My point is, it's very, very hard to see this bully get away with everything while everyone else is made, especially by his age, to pay some sort of consequence. He is THIRTY years old and has never faced the law or natural consequence of his actions. It befuddles me and infuriates me to no end , for this person is close in my life. He gets away with everything and the more he gets away with it, the more it get's worse and worse.

    What is your take on this? Again, questions are, can difficult child last all the way through adult hood? Do you know anyone like I have described? If you do, I am so sorry. Thank you for anyone who has any input on this.
  2. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Wow. The guy is a sociopath. Google it. If you're up for it, read The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout and I'm sure you'll find some parallels.

    My brother in law is a gift from God but not to that extent....still a selfish, selfcentered individual who continues to wheedle money out of his vulnerable 90 + year old parents for his never ending divorce settlement.
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  3. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I was thinking narcissist with strong sociopathic tendencies.

    I had a relative like this. Everyone thought he was just peachy. Made his wife and family times violent....cheater as well. Got away with it too. But, she was co dependent. No remorse. Was only a so-so provider. I would like to think most wives would eventually leave such a spouse.

    Another case...not as severe, is with an old friend. Husband was and basically is a difficult child. A pot smoker and very disagreeable. Just uncooperative and uncommunicative. However, he has held down a good job for many years (a good provider). Their marriage has been very difficult for many years too. An odd situation.

    I think it's certainly possible for difficult children to be a good spouse, with maturity, effort, perhaps therapy, etc....but likely very difficult and perhaps not all that common.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sounds like both to me too. However, his wife is codependent and won't leave him or press charges against hm so this is a deadly game. It's too bad she won't take any action against him, especially if there are children.

    There are many men and women like this person, but most of the time people are afraid to talk about them. Some are out in the open though. I give you OJ Simpson (and he was found INNOCENT) although he is in jail now (big surprise, he was violent again) and this Rice guy talked about in another thread, caught on video. Casey Anthony? I think yes.

    In my neck of the woods, some guy is on trial for strangling his baby, so one could say that, thus far, this man is worse. It made the papers or nobody would know. We adopted a foster child who did everything and more than an adult...welding a knife over his baby siblings, making them perp on one another, having sex with them himself, killing two of our dogs and possibly other animals in the neighborhood, etc. He has two children now...he has a FB which is how I know. Makes me sick deep inside. Fortunately, I felt compelled to check the court records in his town and, yep, he was there and it appears his wife left him with the babies and he is behind in child support. I'm so glad the babies are not in his life.

    When faced with such a person, the person being perped upon either has to report him or he will get off free. And sometimes they do anyways because they are such good liars.
  5. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thank's guys. This person has made our lives miserable for a very long time and it infuriates me that he never see's real consequences for his actions or loses anything, when I commit lesser offenses in life , much less, and Karma pays me a visit the next day, sometimes 3 or 4 times for the same thing. Do you see how this can drive someone mad? Anyway, thank you all again.
  6. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    One day it will all come to a screeching halt. Who knows when that day will be?

    What goes around comes around, and in time, justice will be done. What kind of justice, who knows?

    People like that are so scary. My husband's father was a sociopath, and he had a very respectable career as a Lieutenant Colonel in the Army. He retired early and became head of Civil Defense in a large Southern City.

    He had a lot of time on his hands and made everybody around him miserable. He had no conscience and would think nothing of waking everybody up in the middle of the night to lecture them about what they had done wrong.

    No wonder his four grown children are all four really messed up.

    We said he would stay around forever in the nursing home making everybody miserable. He actually died very suddenly of a cerebral hemorrhage one day.

    I don't think people were very sad, actually. Mainly, relieved.

    His comeuppance was the lack of people in his life. He toed the line of the law but drove everybody around him nuts.
  7. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    One more thing MWM, it's funny you should mention Ray Rice......he starting talking to me about Ray Rice saying "can you believe this??? What's wrong with these football players??' .......and I just stood there looking at him with a blank stare, are you really talking to me about abuse when you abuse your own wife?????????
  8. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    HI Child of Mine! We commented at the same time. Did your father in law have to pay any real consequences when he was alive? Did he ever get Karma for anything he has ever done? I just need to know that these people suffer as much as they make everyone else suffer around them
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, Guide Me, this man either is unaware of how abusive he is (unlikely) or he is trying to gaslight others by acting indignant when somebody else does what he does. In essence he is saying, "How terrible!!! I would NEVER do what he did!" in an attempt to confuse you all.

    He will get his. Even OJ did in the end. And if not in this world, if you believe in anything beyond it, he will get his in his next world.
  10. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    That's what I thought too. I am glad I am not the only one who feels that way. Thank you.