Does it EVER END!

[Marguerite]

She need not be like this forever, althouigh medication can help. Medication is not a cure, however. It is management. And only in some cases.

We do what we need to do, to bring about change.

You said, "Her eyes turn strange and black" at times.

Don't be alarmed or see this as a sign of something spooky - it is purely a neurological response to heightened emotion. The pupil changes size, it can either open up (making the eyes look black) or close up tight (making the eyes look paler, especially if the child has hazel or blue eyes). I have pale hazel eyes, I've been told (once when I got VERY angry with a uni lecturer) that my eyes turned pale green even though my voice didn't change from quiet tones.

Taking her on your runs would be a good way to interact, but not if you'regoing to feel resentful. You do need your space. What about you going on TWO runs? One is for you, one is to include her. Or let her go with you on your run, but when you're lifting weights you have your iPod on and nobody is to disturb you.

Somewhere in there should be something that cna work for you as well as work for her.

Enjoy your weekend, you need the respite.

Marg

 

[tinamarie1]

Heartsick~ I didn't get to read all of the responses on your thread, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this. You have found a great group of friends here on this board. I feel like they have been my angels many times and helped me through some of the most difficult and scary times with my child.
I wish I could tell you that medicine will cure things, but it doesn't. It helps, and is an aid, but like someone else said, it is about management of things, how you handle her and mechanisms she can learn and use when things seem to spin out of control for her. When/if you do start medications, just be patient, because it can take some time to find the right one that helps her.
Behavioral therapy really helped my son too. Insurance is usually pretty good about paying for these types of things.
Try to take things in stride, don't sweat the small stuff. If you stress about all the smaller things, its really going to hit you like a ton of bricks when something big happens.
I hope things get better and you find some answers soon.

 

[Nomad]

(Hugs)
Are you able to get therapy via insurance for yourself and your child?
For yourself, simply because the stresses with all of this can be overwhelming.
For your child, because her behaviors are indications of inner conflict and turmoil.
She might also need to see a child psychiatrist...depending on what diagnosis's are suspected and if medication might be beneficial.
Why did you let difficult child read what you wrote?
It is hard, but it is best to learn to separate yourself from her.
Who in your life might understand what you are going through? Who in your life is a very good friend? Who in your life is very wise? Who do you trust? These are people you might begin to go to for help. (Just don't OVERDO it).
Keep on READING. I am thrilled that you are getting the book The Explosive Child...it is VERY good.
There is a good book called Saddle UP Your Own White Horse, that might help you. 123 Magic...mostly for younger kids, but excellent!!! Also, another one called Boundaries. Read...then see the docs...ask questions.
Don't hesitate to try medications for your child along with therapy.
Don't hesitate to try therapy for yourself if the stress gets unbearable.
Take time out for your spouse...go out with- him...get some alone time.
And take time for yourself...re-read what Wiped Out said 100X
Wishing you well...I understand.

 

[Heartsick]

Just wanted to say thanks to all the great words from everyone. Also I was asked about why I let difficult child read the message. I did not know she was looking through the slats in the laundry room door. I knew she was hanging...or supposed to be hanging her clothes. After she got mad reading it, I thought maybe if I read it all to her she would see how I felt, and how much I love her, and how much her behavior hurt me. She did not.

 

[nvts]

To Heartsick's Beautiful Girl:

I know that your mom said that you were reading the stuff that was written here and you got pretty upset. I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt and hope that you're feeling better. I'm not sure that your mom will let you read this stuff again, but I thought that you should know a few things.

Your mom joined the group here with the hope that she could find some kindred spirits (basically people who have a common type of life like she has right now). We're a great group (if I do say so myself! ) and understand a lot of what both you and your mom - as well as the rest of your family - are going through.

Unfortunately, even in this advanced day and age with all the technology and capabilities that are in this world, no one ever knows exactly how to help a wonderful young lady such as yourself. From what I've read that your mom was able to tell us, you're bright and really want to be happy. I can't imagine that you WANT to react to things the way you do nor do I think that you really KNOW how to react the way everyone wants you to.

So, your mom came to us so that she can accomplish a few things. One is to figure out what's going on with you. Two is to be able to help you move on and become the successful woman that she KNOWS you can be once you're able to get a handle on things. Three is to be able to hug you and hold you and know that you're happy to have her do these things.

Do me a favor...if you think you can, next time you just feel like you're going to explode, try to count to 10 like this: 1 calm, 2 calm, 3 calm, 4 calm, all the way up to 10. If you're REALLY hacked off and you need a little more time to chill out, after you get to 10 calm, do it backwards: 10 calm, 9 calm, 8 calm all the way down to 1. Take deep breaths while you're doing it and see how it goes - you could try it first with little things that bug you and get really good at it.

I hope you feel a little better. Your mom is a really good egg that loves you sooooo much. Have some patience with her AND yourself - it goes a long way!

Good luck hon!

Beth