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Does it ever happen?
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 588225" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Yes. </p><p></p><p>My son did.</p><p></p><p>I was on this site for him, the first time. It was then that I learned (thank you, thank you, everyone who helped me then) whatever survival skills I still have.</p><p></p><p>Here is the thing: it was nothing we did. Much of why he decided to move up is because we stopped helping in any but the most extreme situation. He is still pulling himself up ~ but he is drug free, and that made all the difference. Interestingly enough, he continued to bemoan our awful parenting long after he stopped using drugs. They come to believe their own reality. As the drug free years are passing, we are seeing that change. :O) </p><p></p><p>I firmly believe that, had I never learned (through the parents here on the site) that: </p><p></p><p>1) The problem was difficult child's drug use, not our poor parenting. (Oy vey, the guilt we feel when a child falls into addiction!)</p><p>2) As surely as the problem was difficult child's choice to use drugs, the solution could only be difficult child's choice to stop using them. There was nothing I could do except tell him the truth about his own situation. I had to see that so clearly, before I could tell it to difficult child, though. But once I did? And I was able to tell him, clearly and without guilt? It seemed to take away one of his prime rationalizations for using ~ and totally destroyed any capacity for manipulating us into supporting the addiction.</p><p></p><p>So, yes. It can happen. I think it cannot happen until the parents are strong and healthy enough to see the situation clearly themselves.</p><p></p><p>Your child's drug use has nothing whatever to do with you, your parenting, your choice of mate or lifestyle. Whatever the reason, the child started using and is now addicted. It will be a hard path back. I say we can best help our children begin clawing their ways up from addiction by getting healthy ourselves, seeing the truth of the problem clearly, and telling that to our children every single time we talk to them. We are their mothers. We know who they were meant to be. We are the only ones who can believe in them, for them, until they are strong enough to believe in themselves, again.</p><p></p><p>Never underestimate the power of a mother's (or father's) words. </p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 588225, member: 1721"] Yes. My son did. I was on this site for him, the first time. It was then that I learned (thank you, thank you, everyone who helped me then) whatever survival skills I still have. Here is the thing: it was nothing we did. Much of why he decided to move up is because we stopped helping in any but the most extreme situation. He is still pulling himself up ~ but he is drug free, and that made all the difference. Interestingly enough, he continued to bemoan our awful parenting long after he stopped using drugs. They come to believe their own reality. As the drug free years are passing, we are seeing that change. :O) I firmly believe that, had I never learned (through the parents here on the site) that: 1) The problem was difficult child's drug use, not our poor parenting. (Oy vey, the guilt we feel when a child falls into addiction!) 2) As surely as the problem was difficult child's choice to use drugs, the solution could only be difficult child's choice to stop using them. There was nothing I could do except tell him the truth about his own situation. I had to see that so clearly, before I could tell it to difficult child, though. But once I did? And I was able to tell him, clearly and without guilt? It seemed to take away one of his prime rationalizations for using ~ and totally destroyed any capacity for manipulating us into supporting the addiction. So, yes. It can happen. I think it cannot happen until the parents are strong and healthy enough to see the situation clearly themselves. Your child's drug use has nothing whatever to do with you, your parenting, your choice of mate or lifestyle. Whatever the reason, the child started using and is now addicted. It will be a hard path back. I say we can best help our children begin clawing their ways up from addiction by getting healthy ourselves, seeing the truth of the problem clearly, and telling that to our children every single time we talk to them. We are their mothers. We know who they were meant to be. We are the only ones who can believe in them, for them, until they are strong enough to believe in themselves, again. Never underestimate the power of a mother's (or father's) words. :O) Barbara [/QUOTE]
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