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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 588305" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I am tempted to say that it will not until they get off the drugs. I saw my difficult child for a little over a year clean and sober, he was a completely different person, I actually looked forward to his calls. My difficult child has low self esteem and I suspect some personality problems, these are only magnified by the drugs and alcohol. He has lied profusely from the time he could talk. His and girlie's homeless conn last year to get money from me hurt very much. I was jumping through hoops for over 4 months to get money to him so he could eat and stay in school to get a job. The elaborate stories he told me about sleeping in the woods and going to friends to shower and change for classes, how his professor knew of his situation and admired him for being on the Dean's List were lies and made me realize my son has zero concern for me when he is using. The scary part is some of the traits he had before he started using.</p><p></p><p> He went NC with me, but I refuse to have a child threaten me with suicide when I say I can't give him money. I also know that my son quit his job to go to school full time. I am completely baffled by his thinking. My difficult child was verbally abusive at a young age too. Any attempt to make my difficult child obey the house rules only made him more defiant. My difficult child has unresolved issues with me and would never open up in counseling. I wish i had a penny for the numerous times I have asked him to go to counseling. He doesn't!</p><p></p><p>If we lived close to each other I know he would be breaking in and stealing from me. I never give up hope, and I pray for him daily. I also know that I can not live with his drama and stress. Now that he is with girlie it has increased. After he went NC with me I have no idea where he is ( I wasn't absolutely sure before) he stopped having contact with other family members years ago. The few cousins he kept in contact through FB were angry due to the things he was posting. He was getting really weird and the language was offensive. I love my son and always will - he is an adult now and he has to find his own way.</p><p></p><p>Now, the reason I say I was tempted to say about the drugs is I have difficult child's in my family that I am positive do not use drugs or alcohol. My 53yo sister has been married 3 times and all of them were not motivated to work. She stayed home and told me about 10 years ago that if she worked he would only spend it gambling and drinking. HELLO, it's called separate banking accounts. He passed away 6 years ago and we all gave her money to help her until she found a job. She immediately went out on trips, bought a Wii and games, spent the money quickly.</p><p></p><p>My mother paid $1000 for her to take a child care cert program to keep her job. She was to reimburse her and never did. She quit that job about 6 months later and went to work in our prison, she was fired less than a year later for bringing in Christmas cards to a prisoner, and other items off and on. Sounds big hearted BUT they have to watch an hour long film during orientation about how manipulative these guys are and in their opinion (wardens) if they can talk you into bring in one item they can talk you into other things. They are told upfront that they will be fired and can have charges brought against them. The prison system takes this very seriously.</p><p></p><p>So she went back to her old child care job and lasted a month. She was accused by another employee of talking about her so she got angry and quit. Her 35yo unemplyed still sleeps on the sofa, his is a difficult child but also uses. My other sister says she will support them until said sister can get training for another job. in my opinion my sister is being used, I keep my opiniins to myself as they only start a family fuss and get my mother upset.</p><p></p><p>Another difficult child (no drugs or alcohol) aunt (by marraige thank heavens) has been banned from the pizza shop and showed her butt at a doctor's office and they called the police. She is late 70s and just get worse each year!</p><p></p><p>So, I guess the point I'm trying to get to through the ramblings lol, in my opinion they have problems that the drugs and aclohol amplify - but they may still be difficult children after they are clean and sober. It also seems that age magnifies mental health issues.</p><p></p><p>BUT I never give up hope - I send out love to the person, earth, and the universe each day!</p><p></p><p>(((huggs and blessing for us all)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 588305, member: 13558"] I am tempted to say that it will not until they get off the drugs. I saw my difficult child for a little over a year clean and sober, he was a completely different person, I actually looked forward to his calls. My difficult child has low self esteem and I suspect some personality problems, these are only magnified by the drugs and alcohol. He has lied profusely from the time he could talk. His and girlie's homeless conn last year to get money from me hurt very much. I was jumping through hoops for over 4 months to get money to him so he could eat and stay in school to get a job. The elaborate stories he told me about sleeping in the woods and going to friends to shower and change for classes, how his professor knew of his situation and admired him for being on the Dean's List were lies and made me realize my son has zero concern for me when he is using. The scary part is some of the traits he had before he started using. He went NC with me, but I refuse to have a child threaten me with suicide when I say I can't give him money. I also know that my son quit his job to go to school full time. I am completely baffled by his thinking. My difficult child was verbally abusive at a young age too. Any attempt to make my difficult child obey the house rules only made him more defiant. My difficult child has unresolved issues with me and would never open up in counseling. I wish i had a penny for the numerous times I have asked him to go to counseling. He doesn't! If we lived close to each other I know he would be breaking in and stealing from me. I never give up hope, and I pray for him daily. I also know that I can not live with his drama and stress. Now that he is with girlie it has increased. After he went NC with me I have no idea where he is ( I wasn't absolutely sure before) he stopped having contact with other family members years ago. The few cousins he kept in contact through FB were angry due to the things he was posting. He was getting really weird and the language was offensive. I love my son and always will - he is an adult now and he has to find his own way. Now, the reason I say I was tempted to say about the drugs is I have difficult child's in my family that I am positive do not use drugs or alcohol. My 53yo sister has been married 3 times and all of them were not motivated to work. She stayed home and told me about 10 years ago that if she worked he would only spend it gambling and drinking. HELLO, it's called separate banking accounts. He passed away 6 years ago and we all gave her money to help her until she found a job. She immediately went out on trips, bought a Wii and games, spent the money quickly. My mother paid $1000 for her to take a child care cert program to keep her job. She was to reimburse her and never did. She quit that job about 6 months later and went to work in our prison, she was fired less than a year later for bringing in Christmas cards to a prisoner, and other items off and on. Sounds big hearted BUT they have to watch an hour long film during orientation about how manipulative these guys are and in their opinion (wardens) if they can talk you into bring in one item they can talk you into other things. They are told upfront that they will be fired and can have charges brought against them. The prison system takes this very seriously. So she went back to her old child care job and lasted a month. She was accused by another employee of talking about her so she got angry and quit. Her 35yo unemplyed still sleeps on the sofa, his is a difficult child but also uses. My other sister says she will support them until said sister can get training for another job. in my opinion my sister is being used, I keep my opiniins to myself as they only start a family fuss and get my mother upset. Another difficult child (no drugs or alcohol) aunt (by marraige thank heavens) has been banned from the pizza shop and showed her butt at a doctor's office and they called the police. She is late 70s and just get worse each year! So, I guess the point I'm trying to get to through the ramblings lol, in my opinion they have problems that the drugs and aclohol amplify - but they may still be difficult children after they are clean and sober. It also seems that age magnifies mental health issues. BUT I never give up hope - I send out love to the person, earth, and the universe each day! (((huggs and blessing for us all))) [/QUOTE]
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