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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 445581" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Scenario: me laying down the law to one of my difficult children, letting them know that I will not tolerate a certain behavior, that they need to get their act together or a b and c will happen. </p><p></p><p>difficult child Reaction: "You're always telling me what a screw-up I am. You never say anything nice to me. I can't do anything right." Poor difficult child. Wah wah wah.</p><p></p><p>Reality: I give praise for positive behavior when it happens. It's just never remembered at times like this. It turns into a pity party for the difficult child. Seems like "you never" or "you always" is a common sentence starter for difficult children. </p><p></p><p>Some of this might be low self-esteem, but mostly I think it's manipulation. I'm allowed to tell them I think their behavior is dead wrong. In the "old days" (when they were in high school), I'd get defensive, and give a laundry list of all the positive things they'd done lately, and remind them that I praised them at the time. I'm over that. I won't be played any more. Now, I mostly ignore it and walk away. But it still irritates the heck out of me, because it's just another way they refuse to accept responsibilty for their behavior. Pure deflection. </p><p></p><p>Just curious how many of you recognize this dance, and how you handle it? If you've got some great responses, let's hear them...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 445581, member: 1157"] Scenario: me laying down the law to one of my difficult children, letting them know that I will not tolerate a certain behavior, that they need to get their act together or a b and c will happen. difficult child Reaction: "You're always telling me what a screw-up I am. You never say anything nice to me. I can't do anything right." Poor difficult child. Wah wah wah. Reality: I give praise for positive behavior when it happens. It's just never remembered at times like this. It turns into a pity party for the difficult child. Seems like "you never" or "you always" is a common sentence starter for difficult children. Some of this might be low self-esteem, but mostly I think it's manipulation. I'm allowed to tell them I think their behavior is dead wrong. In the "old days" (when they were in high school), I'd get defensive, and give a laundry list of all the positive things they'd done lately, and remind them that I praised them at the time. I'm over that. I won't be played any more. Now, I mostly ignore it and walk away. But it still irritates the heck out of me, because it's just another way they refuse to accept responsibilty for their behavior. Pure deflection. Just curious how many of you recognize this dance, and how you handle it? If you've got some great responses, let's hear them... [/QUOTE]
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