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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 445988" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Yes, my difficult child does this too. In her case (these days), it's less of the you always and you never and more of "you don't knopw how HARD I'm trying to get a job" cry, sob or "It's just that I'm so stressed about (insert drama)". She usualy deflects from whatever it is we're talking about and flicks on some high drama tears.</p><p></p><p>When she was in HS, this usually took the form of her gnashing her teeth over her adoption and how she struggles with her issues and questions. This one used to get to me - I'd jump right in and try to fix things, tired to be the ever-understanding mom, etc. But I eventually figured out that she was just using this to either deflect or for some good old-fashioned attention. </p><p></p><p>Seriously. You're struggling with your loving parents, your large, accepting and high-functioning extended family? You're struggling with your stable, loving home, private school, your choice of extracurricular activities, your church, your friends.... this is a struggle?</p><p></p><p>Right.</p><p></p><p>How do I handle it? Well, now I usuallly calmly acknowledge whatever stress, etc she bandies about and then retrun to the subject.</p><p></p><p>Back when sheused to do the "you never say anything positive", I would make the mistake of pointing out that I did, cite examples, etc. I found this to be a huge waste of energy. Oddly, her dad pulled the same thing on me when I found out about his affair. Weird.</p><p></p><p>Stay calm, stay focused and try not to ride the difficult child roller coaster of blame with him.</p><p></p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 445988, member: 9175"] Yes, my difficult child does this too. In her case (these days), it's less of the you always and you never and more of "you don't knopw how HARD I'm trying to get a job" cry, sob or "It's just that I'm so stressed about (insert drama)". She usualy deflects from whatever it is we're talking about and flicks on some high drama tears. When she was in HS, this usually took the form of her gnashing her teeth over her adoption and how she struggles with her issues and questions. This one used to get to me - I'd jump right in and try to fix things, tired to be the ever-understanding mom, etc. But I eventually figured out that she was just using this to either deflect or for some good old-fashioned attention. Seriously. You're struggling with your loving parents, your large, accepting and high-functioning extended family? You're struggling with your stable, loving home, private school, your choice of extracurricular activities, your church, your friends.... this is a struggle? Right. How do I handle it? Well, now I usuallly calmly acknowledge whatever stress, etc she bandies about and then retrun to the subject. Back when sheused to do the "you never say anything positive", I would make the mistake of pointing out that I did, cite examples, etc. I found this to be a huge waste of energy. Oddly, her dad pulled the same thing on me when I found out about his affair. Weird. Stay calm, stay focused and try not to ride the difficult child roller coaster of blame with him. Dash [/QUOTE]
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