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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 447413" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Thanks everyone. While I find this behavior incredibly irritating and manipulative, it doesn't have much effect on me beyond that. I'm not exactly losing sleep over it, and I tend to ignore it. I was mostly venting, and was curious to see how others have handled it. I love your mom's responses, susiestar! In the past, I've said something like, "well it's a good thing you're in therapy then, if I'm such a horrible mother." I think I got that response from these boards, actually. She's not in therapy any more, though, so that's lost its steam. </p><p></p><p>Quite honestly, I'm done expressing empathy when she talks that way and is in her "poor me" mode. been there done that for too many years when she was a teenager. I've become immune to having any feeling other than irritation when she begins her self-pitying whines (which thankfully don't happen nearly as often as they used to). I try not to let the irritation get the better of me and stay unemotional as much as I can. I sometimes say, "well, you know what you need to do to fix that." I tell her I can't be her therapist, and if she needs one, she knows how to find one. Sometimes she gets it, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes I'm the master of detachment, other times, not so much. There have been more than a few conversations where I tell her it's time to grow the heck up and take responsibility for herself. My mantra with her lately is, "stop sitting around and waiting for things to happen to you, and get out there and MAKE them happen." I gotta say, that seems to stir something inside of her. </p><p></p><p>A work in progress.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 447413, member: 1157"] Thanks everyone. While I find this behavior incredibly irritating and manipulative, it doesn't have much effect on me beyond that. I'm not exactly losing sleep over it, and I tend to ignore it. I was mostly venting, and was curious to see how others have handled it. I love your mom's responses, susiestar! In the past, I've said something like, "well it's a good thing you're in therapy then, if I'm such a horrible mother." I think I got that response from these boards, actually. She's not in therapy any more, though, so that's lost its steam. Quite honestly, I'm done expressing empathy when she talks that way and is in her "poor me" mode. been there done that for too many years when she was a teenager. I've become immune to having any feeling other than irritation when she begins her self-pitying whines (which thankfully don't happen nearly as often as they used to). I try not to let the irritation get the better of me and stay unemotional as much as I can. I sometimes say, "well, you know what you need to do to fix that." I tell her I can't be her therapist, and if she needs one, she knows how to find one. Sometimes she gets it, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes I'm the master of detachment, other times, not so much. There have been more than a few conversations where I tell her it's time to grow the heck up and take responsibility for herself. My mantra with her lately is, "stop sitting around and waiting for things to happen to you, and get out there and MAKE them happen." I gotta say, that seems to stir something inside of her. A work in progress. [/QUOTE]
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