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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 447733"><p>Huh. Well, there are many ways to skin that cat. Here's how that conversation would've gone with my difficult child nephew:</p><p></p><p>Son: "Well you ALWAYS make me feel liike I'm a screw-up." </p><p> </p><p>Me: "I wonder why that is. Could it be that you're always screwing up and never learning from it? Here's a tip: stop screwing up. Until then, don't whine at me about being regarded by others as a screw-up. That's on you."</p><p> </p><p>Son: "You don't care about me." </p><p> </p><p>Me: "I care about you but I am completely done with all of your screw-ups and lies and stealing and abuse. Completely. If you're looking for affirmation or comfort from me about your ongoing vile behavior, look elsewhere. Your whining about the consequences of your own behavior is pathetic and silly and I'm tired of listening to it." </p><p> </p><p>Son: "It doesn't matter I'm just a XXX up." </p><p> </p><p>Me: "Yes you are. And you can stop any time you like. You should stop. Your life will get much better, and I'll begin to respect you again. Your choice. Until then, don't waste my time with your whining--get your life in order and I'll start listening and helping." </p><p> </p><p>Sounds harsh? Let me tell you the outcome: he kept lying and stealing and !@#$ with everyone in the house--except me. I wasn't lied to, because he knew I wouldn't buy it. He NEVER stole from me, because he knew what would happen if he did. Did he *like* me? NO. He hated me--his party was over and I saw right through his nonsense. But his conduct wrt me and my belongings was entirely unobjectionable--because he knew he couldn't get away with it. YMMV. This worked for me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 447733"] Huh. Well, there are many ways to skin that cat. Here's how that conversation would've gone with my difficult child nephew: Son: "Well you ALWAYS make me feel liike I'm a screw-up." Me: "I wonder why that is. Could it be that you're always screwing up and never learning from it? Here's a tip: stop screwing up. Until then, don't whine at me about being regarded by others as a screw-up. That's on you." Son: "You don't care about me." Me: "I care about you but I am completely done with all of your screw-ups and lies and stealing and abuse. Completely. If you're looking for affirmation or comfort from me about your ongoing vile behavior, look elsewhere. Your whining about the consequences of your own behavior is pathetic and silly and I'm tired of listening to it." Son: "It doesn't matter I'm just a XXX up." Me: "Yes you are. And you can stop any time you like. You should stop. Your life will get much better, and I'll begin to respect you again. Your choice. Until then, don't waste my time with your whining--get your life in order and I'll start listening and helping." Sounds harsh? Let me tell you the outcome: he kept lying and stealing and !@#$ with everyone in the house--except me. I wasn't lied to, because he knew I wouldn't buy it. He NEVER stole from me, because he knew what would happen if he did. Did he *like* me? NO. He hated me--his party was over and I saw right through his nonsense. But his conduct wrt me and my belongings was entirely unobjectionable--because he knew he couldn't get away with it. YMMV. This worked for me. [/QUOTE]
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