Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Does this sound like Op/Defiant????
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="IHaveTwo" data-source="post: 273999" data-attributes="member: 7436"><p>Scardycat,</p><p> </p><p>This may sound weird, but thanks for your post. It is good to know from your original post and the others after it that I AM NOT ALONE. It's embarrasing and frustrating and heartbreaking all at the same time when your own child acts inappropriately -- especially a child who can be the sweetest and most charming five year old you have ever met! Part of you wants to melt into the ground or shout to everyone watching, "HEY, I AM A GREAT MOM!"</p><p> </p><p>I could have written your note (with some exceptions -- but your situation clicked with me). My 5 (almost 6) year old son has most of the same behaviours (thankfully not the tying up Barbies one!), but has also now taken to stomping up the stairs to his room and slamming the door when he doesn't get what he wants, followed by a loud bout of crying for a couple of minutes (then opening the door ajar so it's very loud in the house -- like I couldn't hear it before??) and saying, "You aren't being FAIR! You hurt my feelings. HMPH" (Someone please tell me I'm not the only one!) I don't know where he gets that/got that from, because I definitely am not like that. When I ask him "How do you think we could do it differently to make it fair?" He suggests something that is clearly unfair and only benefits him. I don't get it, and I honestly don't know how to handle it.</p><p>Then, when my 5 year old says, "WHY, Mommy, WHY can't we [whatever]?" I respond, "Because I told you that if you continued to do [whatever], there would be [whatever] consequences; and that is what is happening. You are getting the consequences. *I* didn't decide to HAVE the consequences, YOU decided to have the poor choice that resulted in the consequences." Then he says, "WHY, Mommy, WHY can't we [whatever]?" And we go full circle. Argh. (Again, someone please tell me I'm not the only one!)</p><p>It doesn't help that I'm in the middle of an ugly custody-battle divorce and his dad's girlfriend moved in to his place at the end of last year with her two kids (1 and 5) after less than a year of separation -- but that's a different story. (Yes, I do believe these things are related, but not according to his lawyer.)</p><p>I am anxiously looking forward to any advice (other than the book which I'll try to find online tonight, and other things that I'd rather go into a different time) about how to help him through this. I don't want him to grow up to be a bully or get into trouble. I am also, like Scardycat, consistent in rules and disipline.</p><p>Scardycat, I support you. I know it's hard but try this:</p><p>We/I will ..... (My favorite saying today <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" />) We/I will <insert word here> Succeed? Win? Accept? Love? We/I will <insert word here> Cherish, Give Gratitude? Support? We/I will <insert word here> Love? Honor? Respect? We/I will <insert word here> Blame? Hurt? Punish? I think We/I will Support, Respect and Be There for Those Who Need It. I pick the last one today.</p><p>That may sound like a bunch of hooey to a lot of people, but it has great meaning to me. </p><p>Sorry for the length of this. I guess I was on a roll....</p><p>I'm new here, so "Hi, everyone! Nice to meet you."</p><p>IHaveTwo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="IHaveTwo, post: 273999, member: 7436"] Scardycat, This may sound weird, but thanks for your post. It is good to know from your original post and the others after it that I AM NOT ALONE. It's embarrasing and frustrating and heartbreaking all at the same time when your own child acts inappropriately -- especially a child who can be the sweetest and most charming five year old you have ever met! Part of you wants to melt into the ground or shout to everyone watching, "HEY, I AM A GREAT MOM!" I could have written your note (with some exceptions -- but your situation clicked with me). My 5 (almost 6) year old son has most of the same behaviours (thankfully not the tying up Barbies one!), but has also now taken to stomping up the stairs to his room and slamming the door when he doesn't get what he wants, followed by a loud bout of crying for a couple of minutes (then opening the door ajar so it's very loud in the house -- like I couldn't hear it before??) and saying, "You aren't being FAIR! You hurt my feelings. HMPH" (Someone please tell me I'm not the only one!) I don't know where he gets that/got that from, because I definitely am not like that. When I ask him "How do you think we could do it differently to make it fair?" He suggests something that is clearly unfair and only benefits him. I don't get it, and I honestly don't know how to handle it. Then, when my 5 year old says, "WHY, Mommy, WHY can't we [whatever]?" I respond, "Because I told you that if you continued to do [whatever], there would be [whatever] consequences; and that is what is happening. You are getting the consequences. *I* didn't decide to HAVE the consequences, YOU decided to have the poor choice that resulted in the consequences." Then he says, "WHY, Mommy, WHY can't we [whatever]?" And we go full circle. Argh. (Again, someone please tell me I'm not the only one!) It doesn't help that I'm in the middle of an ugly custody-battle divorce and his dad's girlfriend moved in to his place at the end of last year with her two kids (1 and 5) after less than a year of separation -- but that's a different story. (Yes, I do believe these things are related, but not according to his lawyer.) I am anxiously looking forward to any advice (other than the book which I'll try to find online tonight, and other things that I'd rather go into a different time) about how to help him through this. I don't want him to grow up to be a bully or get into trouble. I am also, like Scardycat, consistent in rules and disipline. Scardycat, I support you. I know it's hard but try this: We/I will ..... (My favorite saying today ;)) We/I will <insert word here> Succeed? Win? Accept? Love? We/I will <insert word here> Cherish, Give Gratitude? Support? We/I will <insert word here> Love? Honor? Respect? We/I will <insert word here> Blame? Hurt? Punish? I think We/I will Support, Respect and Be There for Those Who Need It. I pick the last one today. That may sound like a bunch of hooey to a lot of people, but it has great meaning to me. Sorry for the length of this. I guess I was on a roll.... I'm new here, so "Hi, everyone! Nice to meet you." IHaveTwo [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Does this sound like Op/Defiant????
Top