Does your difficult child ask for sex advice?????

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Mar 19, 2012.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I am siting here in disbelief and wondering if she texted the wrong person.

    difficult child just sent me a text saying her sex life is getting boring and she is not doing a good enough job to please her boyfriend and asks for help?

    I am like what???? You are asking me for sex advice??? I don't want to know anything about that!!! I told her my advice is that they both get a dang job. Maybe they would get along better if they each had a life and weren't together 24/7.

    I am so grossed out. Has your difficult child ever asked advice like this??

    Another topic to post about - difficult child calls me yesterday and told me her staph infection is back on her face and she is headed to the hospital. She told me she had a ride. I told her okay, she has her insurance card and to keep me updated. I think she thought I was going to drop everything and come running. Even my husband said to let him know if I was leaving to go up there. I said I wasn't going. The last time I took a week off over this and I was emotionally abused the entire time by her. She is a big girl and needs to take responsibility for her own health. I was kind of proud of myself but on the other hand, I felt guilty that I wasn't rushing to be with her. She let me know this morning that she was not admitted, and they gave her a few prescriptions. Then she asks if I will bring them breakfast?? Huh?? She thought again that I would run up there to get her prescriotions filled. She was with boyfriend when she called and I had her ask boyfriend while I was on the phone if he would bring her to get them filled and he said yes. So, again, I am not going. I don't see a reason for me to. The antibiotic she needs is free and if anything requires payment, I can do that over the phone. Why in the world would I drive almost an hour when she is with her boyfriend who has a vehicle???

    Just scratching my head over here this morning. Hopefully, difficult child sees that I am treating her as an adult and will no longer drop everything to do things for her that she is more than capable of doing herself. I do feel I am definitely one step forward in detachment...
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My difficult child told me about and showed me some very inappropriate things regarding sex. When I brought up an item she had showed me (a present from her boyfriend which was very inappropriate to show me) after she had been in recovery, she said that she had been drunk at the time and never would have showed me if she had been sober. She was actually embarrassed when we talked about it.

    I have a strict don't ask don't tell policy. Hopefully, your difficult child's text was meant for someone else.

    I think that you did very well not running to her rescue about the staph infection. You are developing important boundaries with her.

    Good job!

  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Way To Go! Sounds like you are right on target....and I do know it's not easy to get right on target, lol. Hugs DDD
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    No. I'm not really open to it, with the exception of birth control advice (especially with reference to difficult child). Big time.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Short answer? Ugh - NO! I do not want my difficult child asking, nor do I intend to give her any advice regarding being more "exciting" in the sack.

    However - I think what your difficult child texted you is more a signal of being in a bad relationship than anything else. Who told her she is not doing a "good enough job" pleasing her boyfriend? The boyfriend. Who thinks their sex life is getting boring? Probably the boyfriend.

    So, things are not going well in their relationship...

    That's probably why difficult child is looking for you to take care of her right now.
  6. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    PG: You are taking giant steps forward in setting boundaries and detachment! Great job in not running to rescue your difficult child! I know that this is not easy to do, but you are teaching your difficult child that she has to take care of herself, and she should not expect you to help her all the time.
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm proud of you! That was great- not going running.....bring them breakfast? LOL!
  8. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Hi PatriotsGirl,
    With difficult children, it seems like we get what we don't want, and what we want, we don't get. too much information is one example of getting what we don't want. Good for you for not running to their rescue.
  9. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    To answer your question: Um, no THANK the heavens!

    (and ewwww -texts from kids about sex - aaaakkkkkkk)

    as far as the query plus the breakfast request...

    It sounds like attention seeking behavior but BOY - I am not sure why or how you should respond...

    clearly she is trying to get a response from you anyway she can...very odd.
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Has your difficult child ever been diagnosed as borderline? That sounded like a prove that you love me kind of request. My difficult child does stuff like that. She is always trying to get me to do things to "prove" that I love her.
  11. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Daisyface hit the nail on the head in my humble opinion.
  12. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    She just called telling me that he never took her to get her medications. Ugh. She is ****** and they are obviously on the outs right now. Yes, completely agree, bad relationship!! Which is why I am praying for this job to work out. My friend is waiting on her to come in, fill out the application and interview. Even though she is giving her the job, she needs to follow protocol. But difficult child looks like the elephant man right now...not a good time to go in for an interview...
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just because I am "edgy" from not smoking I'm going to toss in an opinion. You all can ignore me for the next couple of weeks because I am not "warm and fuzzy", lol.

    on the other hand...seriously...doesn't it seem like this generation of girls feel like it is part of the life responsibilities to "please" the boyfriend's. WTH! Women in the 50's and before were taught how to be perfect wives which included "wifely duties" (but not swinging from the blankin' chandeliers!) In the 60's and 70's alot of women supported NOW because women were repressed etc. In the 80's there was more equal choice for employment and careers. WHY are these young girls so blankin' dumb?? I don't understand. There are beautiful women with college degrees and independent financial security who actually believe that "they" have to meet the fantasies of men.......often loser men.

    I won't go on and on and on. But it really fries me. Even as a senior if a man had the audacity to complain about my level of involvement......he'd be out the door PDQ. Sigh. It's nuts. DDD
  14. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    My difficult children never ask for advice of the sexual nature but I would love to give BC advice and be heard. As for the sexual pleasing stuff DDD refers to...I think there are alot of men out there that have warped ideas of what a good sex life should be due too the availability of hard porn. Viewing alot of that stuff gives them unwholsome ideas about what a woman shuold do to please them sexually while at the same time desensitizing them to softer loving actions.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Here Here, Rejected. It's probably been six or seven years ago that I commented on a "major" network (actually I think Diane Sawyer was the presenter) where "outstanding achieving teens" from around the USA were invited to meet at Disney (rather ironic) to discuss teen values in 2000 (something like that). I watched the program. Good looking very accomplished high school students AND their parent were put up at a luxury resort. Then Diane (with full parental approval, by the way) asked about social interaction and romance.

    I swear I am not exaggerating ONE bit. These beautiful, straight A, high achieving girls said on "National" television that "they gave the boys what they wanted before the group went to a function (may have said dance or whatever) because it eased their tension and everybody could have a good time". OMG. The poor parents! The teens just shared "how it is" and I had to go fix a cup of tea so I would not smash the tv screen. Yes. I am non violent. It was just so xing sad. These girls were NOT difficult child's. They were easy child's.

    Maybe it's a generational thing but just thinking about it totally fries me. How did this happen? Yikes. DDD
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member seems that girls now do things that I consider extremely intimate like they are shaking hands. However your question was do your kids ask you questions about sex? Well it isnt so much my kids but my daughter in law does! Cory and Jamie will make some jokes and we are a very open family who tend to laugh a lot about sex but my daughter in law will say completely inappropriate things about their sex life. She will call and complain and all kinds of things. I know dates, times and how long things last. This isnt something I ever cared to know about.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I was married with my own child before my mother ever said ANYTHING that MIGHT be construed as comments on sex other than sex ed, birth control types of things. And those stressed values heavily. Not "here are your values, we don't believe in blah blah" that kids don't listen to, but "figure out what your values are BEFORE you start getting involved sexually and make SURE that you are on the same page with him" kind of things. Of course my mom knew I was a levelheaded kid and that influenced these talks.

    Her comment was NOT how to be more interesting, but a rather abstract comment that was hysterical but won't be repeated - to anyone.

    There is NO WAY that one of my kds would ask this. partly because I have taught them that this is a private matter and I will answer questions but they have to lsiten to the WHOLE answer. Partly because they are a bit afraid of what I might say if they did ask. Wiz and Jess remember what I did wehn Wiz explored porn - which was to talk about how various people he knows have sex. Marg gave me the idea. Imagine what the couple down the road are doing? Or your grandparents? What about htat really old greeter at Walmart and his wife? Years later he told me that I totally ruined his fantasies for several years because he would hear me asking that in his head. I was so PLEASED!!! I didn't know he was listening back then, lol!! He was NOT thrilled that I was pleased. And not surprised iether, lol.

    You have set great boundaries in place. PLEASE do not drve up there to fix her problem. She can WALK to the pharmacy. if she wanted your help than she could live at home and be a decent person to the entire family. Let her pay for the rx if there is a fee. She is old enough to live on her own, she can pay her bills too. This ncludes medications for this infection, which could be from her lifestyle.

    Kudos on not driving up there to rescue her!!!
  18. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Thank you everyone! She did get her prescriptions filled. All on her own. She is perfectly capable. She just needs a little kick in the behind to do these things for herself. I think as time goes by and she is doing these small things for herself, she will feel more capable and self sufficient. She is so used to some one taking care of her. Which boggles my mind considering she has been a drifter for over a year...

    I do know she is in a bad relationship. She called me yesterday when she was out by herself and told me he has been a major jerk lately. I asked her about that advice she asked me for and she seemed a bit embarassed that I brought it up. She admitted that this is something he says to her. I told her that I think maybe it is time for her to move on and she agreed. I think the major problem is that she has nowhere to go and so she stays and puts up with it. That makes me so incredibly sad. Yet she scoffs whenever I bring up rehab and sober living. So, I told her to make sure she gets in touch with my friend. She has to go in and fill out the application, interview, etc. Make it look good, even though she is giving her the job. I saw that she did call her yesterday but she hasn't called difficult child back yet. If she isn't going to go into treatment, then I pray this job works out and she can get out of the situation she is in. Gosh it is so hard to NOT go rescue them!!! :(
  19. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    WOW! PG...that's wonderful! When difficult children get it, things can move quickly.
  20. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great news! I don't know why but I am always surprised that when I say no to my difficult child, she always seems to be able to work things out without me. You would think I would learn my lesson. LOL

    We are all learning to detach little by little.