Does your difficult child lose things?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by susiequte, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. susiequte

    susiequte New Member

    "J" was here Saturday for a while. He actually helped in the yard for several hours and got quite a bit done. When he was getting ready to leave, he couldn't find his wallet. He has NO idea when he had it last. He can't remember if he even had it with him when he came to our house! This is something I don't understand. In the past 18 months, he has lost his wallet no less than 8 times. Sometimes he finds it in a day or so, but usually it is just GONE. But this also happens with his coat, his sunglasses, his CD player, etc. And when we try to retrace his steps and help him think about when he had it last, he has NO IDEA. Maybe it's the ADHD....I don't know. Maybe I'm a little Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) because I ALWAYS know where my stuff is! I may misplace the car keys for a short time, but I can always find them. "J" never seems to find his stuff. Now he expects that we will give him money for a new ID (wrong!). What upsets me is that he insisted on having his SS Card and now it's gone also. (He needed it so he could get a job.....yeah right!!! What job?) They say many kids will grow out of the ADHD, but I don't see that happening with this kid.
     
  2. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    Oh boy! Yep, all the time. I remember getting upset about it...now it's the norm. Luckily for difficult child, I am super picky and things don't get lost here so if it has something to do with school, then I know he's lost it at school and I leave that up to him and the teachers.

    I can only imagine what it's going to be like when he gets older, haha!
     
  3. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    My difficult children lose everything!!! Wait, let me correct this statement - they lose everything that they don't care about. For instance, they lose jackets, gloves, hats, school text books, etc... However, my difficult children NEVER lose anything that really matters to them. difficult child 1 is extremely careful when it comes to anything having to do with his computer or ipod. difficult child 2 is very careful with all of his items having to do with monkeys.

    We now make difficult children replace things they lose with their own money. If they don't have enough money, they have to "work" (extra chores) in order to have the item replaced. Or, they will receive a similar item as part of a birthday gift, Christmas gift, etc. This has helped to make them a bit more responsible. WFEN
     
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    My difficult child doesn't lose things any more or less than I do. ;-)
     
  5. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    What's it like when they get older?

    One of the very first Simpson's had Bart sitting eating cereal, while Homer is running around the house frantic. Bart is sitting there going "You're getting warmer..... you're hot...nah, now you are colder..."
    Finally, Homer opens the front door and his keys are hanging there.

    This was our house when I was married to my now ex. I can't tell you how many times we had to call his pager so he could find it - hopefully it wasn't on vibrate.

    And my younger son is just as bad. It's been a major miracle he hasn't lost his cell phone but one time (and it was actually here in the house). But he constantly "looses" homework.
     
  6. Luminosity

    Luminosity New Member

    My difficult child loses everything. Even when important. He lost his DS for a few days but eventually found it.... lost all but the really "good" DS games we bought him... he loses his jackets, snowpants (when he wore them), hats, mitts, bike locks, watches... I could go on and on... sometimes we find them but most of the time they are a right off. If he wants it back he has to pay with his own money.... does your difficult child blame you for not being able to find what they have lost? Mine does and it is very frustrating

    Lumi
     
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gotta say he does lose stuff-gotta say, unfortunately, so do I! :hammer:
     
  8. mightymouse

    mightymouse Trying to save the day.

    OMG!!! My easy child (possible ADD) loses her things all the time! But the really great part is she started to indirectly accuse me of taking the things she lost or she would come right out and ask me where I put them. She did this because I have started taking away her most prized possessions when she misbehaves. I told her that if I had taken them, she would absolutely know that I had and the next time she accused me of taking one of her things that she misplaced, I was going to take it away as soon as it was found. That quickly put a stop to the accusations. She is also notorious for not being able to find something that is in plain sight and God forbid she have to move something even an inch to find it. I got so tired of her attitude when she couldn't find something simply because she wouldn't look that I started telling her that I was going to go look for it in the exact place I told her to look and if I found whatever it was she was looking for I would take away a privilege. After that threat, she usually slows down enough to actually look.
     
  9. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    loses everything. He can walk into school with a book, and 5 minutes later it is lost. When he does his work in class I am told soon as the bell rings he leaves, forgets his papers, books folders..just leaves?? Always reminding him of important things, because they would get lost. he loses his school id every other week. I will sometimes find it in the wash..ask him where it is and he will say it is at school. then I pull it out. He has no idea where things are most of the time.
     
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    This sounds a bit like the memory problem easy child 2/difficult child 2 has as part of her ADD. Her brothers and other sister can always find their things. She's actually not bad with her things, but she would never remember what she had been taught in class. She could remember it partly for a week, but after two weeks had no recollection of ever having been taught it.

    When she started on medications, the problem improved dramatically. It's sad, but she can remember very little of her childhood from before taking medications. And she is a very bright kid.

    All I can suggest, for those of you whose kids have this sort of problem:

    1) check their medication dosage; is it enough? Too much?

    2) Try and support them in their 'forgetfulness' by double-checking them and getting them into a routine as to where things go. For example, my husband ALWAYS put his keys in a certain place. He also puts his wallet and notebook there and his special pen. If by chance he is distracted, or someone else has his keys and hands them to him at a time when he's too busy to put them away right then, he will lose them. He HAS to be organised, to cope.
    mother in law has a basket inside her front door. She puts her keys there, her wallet and her library books. She puts her mail on the kitchen bench and sorts it into two piles - bills and letters. Bills then get moved to her desk where she keeps her cheque book.

    It's all in being organised.

    Also, for all parents who get frustrated and try to punish this - if they get more anxious about losing possessions, it makes the forgetfulness worse. Instead of confiscating missing items or items which they've asked you if YOU'VE taken, instead put 'found' items always in the same place. Alternatively, put these items always in a logical place to encourage the difficult child to keep those things there anyway.

    When you have people like this in the family you HAVE to have some sort of system.
    Where we live, we HAVE to be ready to leave as soon as the transport is leaving - we have strict deadlines. The boat only goes once an hour. husband's car only leaves once a day. Those wanting transport had better be ready and if they're missing their wallet, they miss their ride.

    Marg
     
  11. susiequte

    susiequte New Member

    "J" loves to accuse me of taking his things. Funny, but he never accuses his dad!! But I'm the evil stepmother so it must be me!! My husband helped him look for his wallet the other night, but "J" got so frustrated because my husband kept asking him questions like "did you have it at the library?", "do you remember getting your bus pass out of the wallet this morning?" My theory is that "J" doesn't want to do any more thinking than is absolutely necessary. He gets so frustrated and MAD when we make him think!!! Here's another example.....we got him a bus pass for April. Today is May 1. He was supposed to be at a court ordered class today, but "all of a sudden" realized that he didn't have a bus pass! And go figure, but he didn't have any money for the bus! (His dad gave him $11 yesterday) But of course this isn't his problem it's OURS because we didn't provide him with a new bus pass!! He's going to be 20 in 2 months, but he's going on 12! AUGH!!!!!!!!
     
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    If it helps (my difficult child is only 12), he goes thru stages of being extremely forgetful. It seems to be at the same periods of high depression. When this happens, he "nags" me a lot because he doesn't realize, or want to admit, that he really forgot. At other times, he blames me just because he won't accept responsibility for his own actions or carelessness. My tendency is to think it doesn't have anything to do with you being his stepmother.
     
  13. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    "(His dad gave him $11 yesterday) But of course this isn't his problem it's OURS because we didn't provide him with a new bus pass!!"

    Hmmmm interesting how our difficult children feel so entitled. My difficult child is 18, I refuse to be her taxi and if she is lucky I just might have a lil cash so that she can catch a bus. For the most part she is on her own considering that she chooses to venture 15 or so miles away from home. Gas is to expensive and I can definitely see her spending her days being more productive with her continued education as well as landing a job. (She is looking and applying). And yes everything that gos wrong for my difficult child is all my fault according to her, Lol!! She'll eventually grow into that shell of the adult woman that she thinks she is today.
     
  14. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm not the evil step mother, susiequte, but I get blamed for losing difficult child's things every single time. Even when he finds whatever it is in a spot where he put it himself, somehow it's still my fault. It's starting to be a joke with husband and I now!
     
  15. AK0603

    AK0603 New Member

    Yeppers, everything is lost. I can usually find it either at home or school or bus. But it's about a daily thing with my difficult child
     
  16. mightymouse

    mightymouse Trying to save the day.

    Just to clarify, my easy child daughter does not get punished for losing things, she gets punished for her ugly attitude toward me when she accuses me of taking them. I absolutely will not let her get by with disrespect toward adults. But then remember, she is a easy child. The threat of punishment has corrected the behavior. If I punished her for losing things, I would be a hypocrite if I didn't punish myself too, because I lose things daily!!! How I would love to be grounded, though.

    As far as your step-son getting irritated with the "did you have it here, did you have it there" questions, I can totally relate. If I knew where I had it last, I would be able to find it! Before I was living with my parents, I was notorious for leaving their house after visiting only to make it to the end of the block before I would remember or my mom would call and remind me of something I had left there. It got to the point that my mom, thinking she was being helpful, would ask me several times as I was walking out the door what I was forgetting. Well, if I knew what I was forgetting, I wouldn't be forgetting it!!! She finally realized that she wasn't helping and quit asking and would just tell me she would leave the door unlocked so she wouldn't have to get up when I returned in a few minutes to retrieve what I had forgotten. It got to be a joke between us.
     
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