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The Watercooler
Does Your Family Step Up To The Plate?
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 130391" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>Many years ago when me and husband were in intense therapy- 1-1 for each of us, marriage counseling, and day treatment for both of us, while we were trying to get our dtr evaluated (all this was required before they would see dtr) I would complain my husband did not help around the house or with the kids etc. Every single one of the therapists, tdocs, psychiatrists etc all said the same thing. "who is it bothering that these things are not being done?" Um, "me" they all said well then it seems it is "you" with the "problem"- it is NOT a problem to your husband or kids, if it were a problem for them, they would do something about it. Becuz it is a problem to "you" you can either do these things yourself, or not do them. and you can choose to let it bother you- or not. Whoo boy did that make me mad! Then they said I cannot "make another person do anything" I can only control how I respond or react.....I can only control "me" And yes, I could threaten, but, I needed to be careful what I used as a threat becuz there was a good liklihood that they still might not do what I wanted them to do.</p><p>The same tdocs, psychiatrists, therapists etc also said.....remember- our house is also husband's house, childrens house, and they also need to feel as if it is home to them, too. </p><p>Ug, I hated that. Turns out my husband hated things SO clean, LOL, yeesh! If only I had realized that 25 years ago!!!!!- like BEFORE we got married? Yeesh.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 130391, member: 1697"] Many years ago when me and husband were in intense therapy- 1-1 for each of us, marriage counseling, and day treatment for both of us, while we were trying to get our dtr evaluated (all this was required before they would see dtr) I would complain my husband did not help around the house or with the kids etc. Every single one of the therapists, tdocs, psychiatrists etc all said the same thing. "who is it bothering that these things are not being done?" Um, "me" they all said well then it seems it is "you" with the "problem"- it is NOT a problem to your husband or kids, if it were a problem for them, they would do something about it. Becuz it is a problem to "you" you can either do these things yourself, or not do them. and you can choose to let it bother you- or not. Whoo boy did that make me mad! Then they said I cannot "make another person do anything" I can only control how I respond or react.....I can only control "me" And yes, I could threaten, but, I needed to be careful what I used as a threat becuz there was a good liklihood that they still might not do what I wanted them to do. The same tdocs, psychiatrists, therapists etc also said.....remember- our house is also husband's house, childrens house, and they also need to feel as if it is home to them, too. Ug, I hated that. Turns out my husband hated things SO clean, LOL, yeesh! If only I had realized that 25 years ago!!!!!- like BEFORE we got married? Yeesh. [/QUOTE]
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