D'OH! He really IS a difficult child!

[gcvmom]

Lest I forget he is truly a difficult child, difficult child 1 gave me a lovely reminder today. He missed a couple of classes last Thursday due to a doctor's appointment. I gave him his note for getting readmitted to classes on Friday and reminded him to go to the attendance window for his readmit slip. Did I remind him to ask about the assignments he missed the day before? No, I did not.

We did, however, have a conversation on Wednesday about asking the teachers for the classes he would miss if he could have Thursday's assignments early. He told me his teachers said not to worry about it. He could get it when he came back on Friday. Did he remember to ask about it on Friday? No. And so now he's got a friggin' "F" in his Algebra I class because he didn't remember to ask!

So today, I told him he'd better figure out how he's going to fix it, because if the "F" sticks, he's losing his phone. And I'm not going to say another word about it.

Can you tell I've got my dander up? Does it show? Huh? DOES IT?!

 

[klmno]

Yep, Dander's up! I'd say even Herbert's feathers are up at this point! I completely understand- we could change the names and this could be written for my difficult child- over and over and over. These kids don't get bad grades because they can't do the work, usually, and it kills me. So I truly think you have every right to vent and show your dander!!

 

[susiestar]

At 14 maybe it is time to make the responsiblility for remembering this HIS? If you just make the rule that if his grade shows as being below whatever limit you set then he loses his phone (or whatever the consequence you choose), and then don't remind him ever. then when you check grades if it is below you just implement the consequence without lectures, fussing or anything, then he will remember in the future AND take responsibility for getting the assignments.

It seems to take a few cycles with a difficult child to understand this, but the less we talk and the more we set the consequences and implement them with-o lectures, fussing, or much talk at all, the more our difficult children grow independent.

Sorry he is acting irresponsibly.

 

[KTMom91]

Bringing on the consequences was the only thing that got through to Miss KT. I've taken the cell phone, the cable, the TV itself, the truck keys...and after much repetition, she finally realized I meant what I said.

 

[flutterbee]

That particular part of their brain doesn't start functioning again until about senior year in high school.

 

[Love the sunshine]

Senior year in high school? What am I missing? My difficult child is a senior and I don't think that part of his brain is working yet. I guess he's a late bloomer.

We could strip his room down to the paint on his walls and he wouldn't bat an eye. Unfortunately, he's at the point where the natural consequences of bad grades could affect him for the rest of his life. And he could be getting straight A's.

IF he graduates (fingers crossed), I'm thinking he may be the one that walks down the aisle without a cap and gown because he didn't go get measured, etc. Sheesh...

 

[gcvmom]

Aw, gee, Heather... thanks for making me feel better!:2dissapointed:
Well, I've got him on a planner contract for the first quarter at a minimum (he gets his planner book signed off by each core teacher and me to make sure he's not missing anything). But ya know what? If he tells me it's done, then I'm gonna take his word for it, so he'd better be sure that what he's telling me is for real and not a knee-jerk answer (which he's also famous for). I made it crystal clear -- grades have to be "C" or better to get the phone back. And if he gets a report card with anything below a "C", there's a whole lot more he's going to lose besides that phone (which I was AGAINST husband giving him in the first place, even if it isn't being used by husband anymore and we were already paying for the line).

I guess now that we're back in school mode, they're all a bit surprised at drill sergeant mom standing front and center since I was so laid back over the summer. Maybe that was a mistake, but gosh dang it I... I needed the break too!

 

[witzend]

This is so like both of my kids. They had an excuse! That's the end of it for them. No matter how much you try to rationalize with them that the excuse is just for the time, not the work, they will play that card in their mind.

In hindsight, Susiestar is right. Set a minimum standard and let the chips fall where they may. I wish I had done that. I was also not happy with the idea that I was to check a homework sheet for M as a Junior in high school. Puh-lease! He can check his homework sheet. Of course, you know how well it turned out for M and us.

I just couldn't take it anymore, though. I'd been babysitting M and his homework for 11 years by then, and it only made it my problem. I wish I had been to this web-site before things got so bad for us. I would have enacted "do to get" way early in the game.