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Substance Abuse
Doing what she wants at 14..
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659943" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My daughter was a good kid too before drugs.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion if drugs are involved, nothing will work until the bad behavior and intent to self-medicate for whatever her issues are gone. Then she can focus on other problems/traumas even. My daughter was sexually assaulted at age eight and told nobody until fourteen because she was ashamed. So sad. She would not even deal with that while using drugs. It made her feel good. She did not deal with anything or stay safe until she stopped the drugs.</p><p></p><p>While an outside trauma can (or may not) cause drug abuse, the drug abuse always needs to be treated first in order to get to the real self and stop the mental running. I know w here you're coming from, IC <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> On the other hand plenty of kids who had no trauma, such as my daughter did, do turn to drugs to be accepted by peers. Outsiders are the most accepting of all teenage peers so many kids who feel shy or lost join them just for acceptance. Either way, the drug use has to stop first and running around the streets at nigiht, as my daughter also did (she even climbed out of her window!) and going out with bad boys has to stop before she gets hurt again. Once a victim, you are always more prone to being a victim again. It's like predators have a radar for you. I have a feeling you know all this, IC, although I have no idea why. But finding out why she is acting out is, in my opinion, the thing you do AFTER you stop the dangerous behavior. God knows, I wish I had known what my daughter was doing to cope. I didn't. I was such a goody two shoes as a teen that I didn't think like her. She would have been looking at residential otherwise. As it turned out, although she was never sexually assaulted again, she WAS a victim of several of her "friends"" (cough) forcefully bringing her to a dark park and holding her down and threatening her in a mean way w hile they were higih. They let her go, laughing, but...she has to get off the street for her safety and away from those lovely "friends" first. Of course, this is just my opinion.</p><p></p><p>I also want to put in my .02, which is probably worth all two pennies, but it WAS my experience. That counts too, right? Yes, for two cents <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> My two girls were not any more difficult than my boys as a teen and out of four kids, two were difficult teens (one girl and one boy) and two were easy peasy. Sonic and Jumper had absolutely no hormonal changes in personality and both were very stable, caring, law abiding teens. Neither argued much. Jumper was a door slammer, but got over things fast. Sonic would get angry fast then apologize profusely (almost too much). I don't know how Princess would have been had she not been assaulted, but she was more emotional, even as a little girl, although she was a very good girl...she was sensitive. Bart was a difficult child all the way around. The teen years just made him feel more powerful. Thankfully he is well beyond those years. I don't think all or even most teens get horrible attitudes as teens, boy or girl. I think our kids were the exception, although not the RARE exception. I heard on NPR by some scientist or expert that 20% of all teens cause problems. That's a lot lower than one would think. I believe it too. Maybe I'm too naive and trusting.</p><p></p><p>Hindsight is wonderful, isn't it?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 659943, member: 1550"] My daughter was a good kid too before drugs. in my opinion if drugs are involved, nothing will work until the bad behavior and intent to self-medicate for whatever her issues are gone. Then she can focus on other problems/traumas even. My daughter was sexually assaulted at age eight and told nobody until fourteen because she was ashamed. So sad. She would not even deal with that while using drugs. It made her feel good. She did not deal with anything or stay safe until she stopped the drugs. While an outside trauma can (or may not) cause drug abuse, the drug abuse always needs to be treated first in order to get to the real self and stop the mental running. I know w here you're coming from, IC :) On the other hand plenty of kids who had no trauma, such as my daughter did, do turn to drugs to be accepted by peers. Outsiders are the most accepting of all teenage peers so many kids who feel shy or lost join them just for acceptance. Either way, the drug use has to stop first and running around the streets at nigiht, as my daughter also did (she even climbed out of her window!) and going out with bad boys has to stop before she gets hurt again. Once a victim, you are always more prone to being a victim again. It's like predators have a radar for you. I have a feeling you know all this, IC, although I have no idea why. But finding out why she is acting out is, in my opinion, the thing you do AFTER you stop the dangerous behavior. God knows, I wish I had known what my daughter was doing to cope. I didn't. I was such a goody two shoes as a teen that I didn't think like her. She would have been looking at residential otherwise. As it turned out, although she was never sexually assaulted again, she WAS a victim of several of her "friends"" (cough) forcefully bringing her to a dark park and holding her down and threatening her in a mean way w hile they were higih. They let her go, laughing, but...she has to get off the street for her safety and away from those lovely "friends" first. Of course, this is just my opinion. I also want to put in my .02, which is probably worth all two pennies, but it WAS my experience. That counts too, right? Yes, for two cents ;) My two girls were not any more difficult than my boys as a teen and out of four kids, two were difficult teens (one girl and one boy) and two were easy peasy. Sonic and Jumper had absolutely no hormonal changes in personality and both were very stable, caring, law abiding teens. Neither argued much. Jumper was a door slammer, but got over things fast. Sonic would get angry fast then apologize profusely (almost too much). I don't know how Princess would have been had she not been assaulted, but she was more emotional, even as a little girl, although she was a very good girl...she was sensitive. Bart was a difficult child all the way around. The teen years just made him feel more powerful. Thankfully he is well beyond those years. I don't think all or even most teens get horrible attitudes as teens, boy or girl. I think our kids were the exception, although not the RARE exception. I heard on NPR by some scientist or expert that 20% of all teens cause problems. That's a lot lower than one would think. I believe it too. Maybe I'm too naive and trusting. Hindsight is wonderful, isn't it? [/QUOTE]
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