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Parent Emeritus
Done, so why do I feel worse?
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<blockquote data-quote="Bean" data-source="post: 462883" data-attributes="member: 8620"><p>Ah yes. That line speaks to me as well. </p><p></p><p>To the OP - I've had to kick my daughter out. It was excruciating and liberating at the same time. I say that because it WAS horrible. It WAS unimaginable. It's been quite some time since I laid that gauntlet down and I still struggle with it. Unnatural is how it feels to me. But necessary, too. I felt relieved when I made that move, because I knew it was what needed to be done. But it was scary because my false sense of control was threatened. But, I think I needed to understand (just as much as she does/did/is) that she is responsible for her actions, her decisions. That I can not save her. That her decisions are what will shape her life. She wasn't able to understand that at home, and there was a part of me that can't either. <em>If we provide a loving, structured home - as much as possible - won't that make everything better?</em> It defies the laws of logic, really. Why were her decisions so out of whack when her guidance was right in front of her? Isn't love enough? Shouldn't that "cure" all that ails her? It didn't, it doesn't. It sustains her to some degree, but it isn't enough to keep her from making some of the decisions she's made, not then, not right now.</p><p></p><p>There are still bumps for us, but my daughter is doing better learning that her decisions are her own, and they are independent of me or anyone else. She's very slowly growing up. Still making decisions that flip-flop my stomach and make me groan. But she's lessened up on the blame game and is navigating her own life.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bean, post: 462883, member: 8620"] Ah yes. That line speaks to me as well. To the OP - I've had to kick my daughter out. It was excruciating and liberating at the same time. I say that because it WAS horrible. It WAS unimaginable. It's been quite some time since I laid that gauntlet down and I still struggle with it. Unnatural is how it feels to me. But necessary, too. I felt relieved when I made that move, because I knew it was what needed to be done. But it was scary because my false sense of control was threatened. But, I think I needed to understand (just as much as she does/did/is) that she is responsible for her actions, her decisions. That I can not save her. That her decisions are what will shape her life. She wasn't able to understand that at home, and there was a part of me that can't either. [I]If we provide a loving, structured home - as much as possible - won't that make everything better?[/I] It defies the laws of logic, really. Why were her decisions so out of whack when her guidance was right in front of her? Isn't love enough? Shouldn't that "cure" all that ails her? It didn't, it doesn't. It sustains her to some degree, but it isn't enough to keep her from making some of the decisions she's made, not then, not right now. There are still bumps for us, but my daughter is doing better learning that her decisions are her own, and they are independent of me or anyone else. She's very slowly growing up. Still making decisions that flip-flop my stomach and make me groan. But she's lessened up on the blame game and is navigating her own life. Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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