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Parent Emeritus
Done, so why do I feel worse?
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 463033"><p>Hi Ally, </p><p></p><p>We're in similar places right now. My 19.5 yo difficult child is away at school, in an apartment with a room mate who is a self proclaimed "wild party animalll!!!" doing heavens-know-what with goodness-knows-who. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child's father and I are happily married and (mostly) on the same page. My son does not have ADHD. We did not kick our son out of the house -- rather we told him we wanted him to stay at home and get his act together. He chose to leave without any financial support or tuition assistance. I know these seem like noteworthy differences - but they're not. Because the differences in our backgrounds and the different way we went about it -- didn't make a d@mn bit of difference for our sons. In some ways it's reassuring - because - like you - I question each and every decision I recently made wondering where I screwed up.</p><p></p><p>You and I both have kids who want to be out of our control who are making really bad choices and there is nothing we can do or say to convince them otherwise. And we have absolutely no ability to physically get between them and the stupid stuff they are doing. And we know it won't end well. And we constantly wonder where their bottom will bottom out. And yet we can't do anything. It's out of our hands. And it's an awful awful feeling.</p><p></p><p>These were the babies we carefully buckled into car seats, slathered with sunscreen and insisted upon bike helmets, and shin guards and cell phones "just in case". </p><p></p><p>Easier said than done, but stop second guessing yourself. There are no answers and there is nothing we can do but wait it out. And hope and pray that the morals and values we tried to instill will take hold somewhere in their psyche.</p><p></p><p>You're not alone {{{hugs}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 463033"] Hi Ally, We're in similar places right now. My 19.5 yo difficult child is away at school, in an apartment with a room mate who is a self proclaimed "wild party animalll!!!" doing heavens-know-what with goodness-knows-who. My difficult child's father and I are happily married and (mostly) on the same page. My son does not have ADHD. We did not kick our son out of the house -- rather we told him we wanted him to stay at home and get his act together. He chose to leave without any financial support or tuition assistance. I know these seem like noteworthy differences - but they're not. Because the differences in our backgrounds and the different way we went about it -- didn't make a d@mn bit of difference for our sons. In some ways it's reassuring - because - like you - I question each and every decision I recently made wondering where I screwed up. You and I both have kids who want to be out of our control who are making really bad choices and there is nothing we can do or say to convince them otherwise. And we have absolutely no ability to physically get between them and the stupid stuff they are doing. And we know it won't end well. And we constantly wonder where their bottom will bottom out. And yet we can't do anything. It's out of our hands. And it's an awful awful feeling. These were the babies we carefully buckled into car seats, slathered with sunscreen and insisted upon bike helmets, and shin guards and cell phones "just in case". Easier said than done, but stop second guessing yourself. There are no answers and there is nothing we can do but wait it out. And hope and pray that the morals and values we tried to instill will take hold somewhere in their psyche. You're not alone {{{hugs}}} [/QUOTE]
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