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Parent Emeritus
Done, so why do I feel worse?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 463255"><p>Ally - I have so been there... not sure if you have seen the threads about my son. He too is 19... will be 20 in a month.He too is into drugs and out of control. It is so heartbreaking for us and I think we all probably go through that stage of what shouldve, couldve with all the 2nd guessing and rehasing in our minds the past and what mistakes we made. Fact is all that is past and you did the absolute best you could. You love your son and that shows and deep down he kows it too. Your son is now legally an adult (even if emotionally and mentally he is not) and now there is nothing you can do except love him, and be there for him when he wants help. If you can stay in touch with him, but gently, not a lot of questions and not mom to the rescue. Your ex is doing that right now but my guess is that will get pretty old quick when it starts costing him big bucks with no return on his investment. Sometimes you have to just let go and let nature take its course... or the legal system.</p><p></p><p>We have been through the wringer with my son. At times he has absoultely hated me. We too had to kick him out of the house and not let him come back. It has been terribly hard. </p><p></p><p>At the moment I have hope. He is currently inpatient on a psychiatric unit. It was a voluntary admission on his part and they are looking for residential substance abuse tx for him. He is starting to understand he has some deeper mental health issues and he wants tx for those... to do that though he needs to be 30 days sober which he is not. So he is doing what he needs to do to get that tx... of course all that may change. A few weeks ago I was close to giving up and resigning myself to the fact he would probably spend a good part of his life in jail or on the streets. </p><p></p><p>I have no idea what will happen in our case but what I do know is that loving them, letting you nkow you love them, accepting that it is now their life and they need to be in the drivers seat, and not enabling their bad choices is the absolute best thing you can do... and in fact it is the only thing really.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 463255"] Ally - I have so been there... not sure if you have seen the threads about my son. He too is 19... will be 20 in a month.He too is into drugs and out of control. It is so heartbreaking for us and I think we all probably go through that stage of what shouldve, couldve with all the 2nd guessing and rehasing in our minds the past and what mistakes we made. Fact is all that is past and you did the absolute best you could. You love your son and that shows and deep down he kows it too. Your son is now legally an adult (even if emotionally and mentally he is not) and now there is nothing you can do except love him, and be there for him when he wants help. If you can stay in touch with him, but gently, not a lot of questions and not mom to the rescue. Your ex is doing that right now but my guess is that will get pretty old quick when it starts costing him big bucks with no return on his investment. Sometimes you have to just let go and let nature take its course... or the legal system. We have been through the wringer with my son. At times he has absoultely hated me. We too had to kick him out of the house and not let him come back. It has been terribly hard. At the moment I have hope. He is currently inpatient on a psychiatric unit. It was a voluntary admission on his part and they are looking for residential substance abuse tx for him. He is starting to understand he has some deeper mental health issues and he wants tx for those... to do that though he needs to be 30 days sober which he is not. So he is doing what he needs to do to get that tx... of course all that may change. A few weeks ago I was close to giving up and resigning myself to the fact he would probably spend a good part of his life in jail or on the streets. I have no idea what will happen in our case but what I do know is that loving them, letting you nkow you love them, accepting that it is now their life and they need to be in the drivers seat, and not enabling their bad choices is the absolute best thing you can do... and in fact it is the only thing really. TL [/QUOTE]
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