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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 383188" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>The facility should not be trying to get you and ex-H to work things out. Their responsibility is getting difficult child well and once you tell them that you and ex-H lead seperate lives and never do things together, then the facility should be working with difficult child to accept the fact that all though Mom and Dad both love you, they will not be getting together. That is life and certain things can not be changed.</p><p> </p><p>You are perfectly right that any time at all with you and ex-H in the same room together will feed into difficult child's fantasy of he Mom and Dad together again.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe this is the reason many psychiatric hospital's and facilities like this do limit visiting hours and who is allowed to visit. Part of those visitations can be deterimental. The patient does enjoy the attention even at the cost of isolation all day. Time to start sending the message that the world is going to stop until she takes her behaviors seriously. </p><p> </p><p>I like the idea that ex-H only visits on the times he would have had her anyway. He also has to be given the boundaries of those visits - what he is allowed and not allowed to bring - etc, etc, etc,</p><p> </p><p>Don't beat yourself up at what has been happening. This was a crisis and you were following your instincts in what you thought was best for difficult child. You wanted to assure her that her family still loved her and wanted to see her. You are learning as you go - it is just so hard when everything you do try seems to not work.</p><p> </p><p>Remember, you do not know what is going on in her mind. Pray that some of it is self thoughts about what she wants for her future. Does she really want to live like this? The problem is that although the answer is "no", her fantasy life is so unrealistic that it will be hard to get her to see the way it should be for her.</p><p> </p><p>It is good that she has started to talk - now the docs need to sort out what/how to start working on this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 383188, member: 5096"] The facility should not be trying to get you and ex-H to work things out. Their responsibility is getting difficult child well and once you tell them that you and ex-H lead seperate lives and never do things together, then the facility should be working with difficult child to accept the fact that all though Mom and Dad both love you, they will not be getting together. That is life and certain things can not be changed. You are perfectly right that any time at all with you and ex-H in the same room together will feed into difficult child's fantasy of he Mom and Dad together again. Maybe this is the reason many psychiatric hospital's and facilities like this do limit visiting hours and who is allowed to visit. Part of those visitations can be deterimental. The patient does enjoy the attention even at the cost of isolation all day. Time to start sending the message that the world is going to stop until she takes her behaviors seriously. I like the idea that ex-H only visits on the times he would have had her anyway. He also has to be given the boundaries of those visits - what he is allowed and not allowed to bring - etc, etc, etc, Don't beat yourself up at what has been happening. This was a crisis and you were following your instincts in what you thought was best for difficult child. You wanted to assure her that her family still loved her and wanted to see her. You are learning as you go - it is just so hard when everything you do try seems to not work. Remember, you do not know what is going on in her mind. Pray that some of it is self thoughts about what she wants for her future. Does she really want to live like this? The problem is that although the answer is "no", her fantasy life is so unrealistic that it will be hard to get her to see the way it should be for her. It is good that she has started to talk - now the docs need to sort out what/how to start working on this. [/QUOTE]
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