Don't know how much more I can take.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by jgreen03, Jan 18, 2008.

  1. jgreen03

    jgreen03 New Member

    difficult child court date is Tuesday. I contacted Biodad to ask him what was up and how things were going. He has avoided my phone calls and won't let difficult child talk to me after the court date. He eventually answered a text message. Told me everything was fine and to make sure I had cash for the court cost to pay for my mistakes. difficult child was arrested because husband caught him crawling out of the closet and confronted him and when he turned away
    difficult child punched him in the eye. So husband called the police and difficult child was arrested. I called his biodad dad to come and bail him out. Of course I paid half of the cost. I was planning on paying, however its the way he goes about saying things. Then proceeds to tell me what about child support. I responded by telling him I think difficult child should become emancipated so I am not responsible. Not that I don't want him that I just can't afford his mistakes anymore. So to mess with difficult child even more he was like he is going to make sure difficult child knew I wanted to disown him. Which is not the case. And now I told husband that I wanted a divorce because he told me I was stupid and needed to be slapped so I would wake up and just let my son go. Well tell me how do I do that he is my son. And I blame the men is his life for the way he is his biodad and my husband. There is more to the story between difficult child and husband that I can not get into. husband was supporting difficult child bad habit in the hopes in difficult child opening up to him and husband helping him to quit. Needless to say the plan back fired and now I am paying the price. My life is so complicated right now and I don't know where to turn. I just want difficult child to get his life together and the other to guys to stop being idiots. And all it does it just mess with difficult child more and more and give him more power and the poor me and an excuse for the behavior. Thanks for reading. Sorry that I haven't given any advice to anyone I do read and pray for all of you. I just don't think I can give anyone answers when I don't have any for myself.
    Thanks again,
  2. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Sorry I don't have any good advice, just wanted to let you know I empathize!!! It's really hard being in the middle of so many and taking all the blame! I think I would tell bio-dad where to go and I wouldn't bring money for court costs because that should be up to difficult child--his actions got you all here. husband, well, he should never talk to you like that but hopefully you can work it out. I'm sure he said that out of anger and frustration.

    With difficult child out of the house, you and husband can really work on your marriage and focus on your little ones. I don't think it's being selfish, it's realistic. Bio-dad won't see it that way, but that's not your problem. You and husband have done a lot to help difficult child and he's just not getting it. I wouldn't let my marriage suffer because of difficult child. Scary how similar our lives seem...
  3. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member


    I was checking back to see what you had said about the court date for your son. First of all, no apologies about not posting to others right now. This board is wondeful in that when you can, you support others; when you need support, we're here for you.

    I don't know the whole story, but it sure sounds like you need to be getting support from somewhere. Have you been to Al-Anon or any kind of meetings where there are groups that are in similar situations as you?

    Sending hugs for your hurting mommy heart,
  4. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    JMS, so sorry to hear about your situation. I can sympathize (in a way), because two years ago I was your husband. McWeedy had just admitted to using pot, wife flew into a rage and "wanted him out of her house", and I wanted to try and find a sane middle ground from which to operate.

    So, I made a deal with the devil and turned a blind eye to McWeedy's pot use. I did so for the same reasons, because I thought it would give me an "in" to work with him. Well, I was "in" with him for as long as I let him toke. But when his empty promises evaporated (school will be better, homelife will be better, I'll only do it recreationally, yadda yadda) I was the one who went on the warpath.

    I agree with you that it did nothing to help, only gave him a safe excuse to keep acting out, and then gave him a reason to get mad when he failed to deliver on a single promise he'd made, and I started going ballistic months later. Of course, he then went and got stoned to deal with his psychotic Dad
    (Shows what happens when you bargain with an addict - it's like sitting down at the 100 dollar table in Vegas when you don't know how to play BlackJack; you get taken for all you're worth, and then some...)

    I wish I could offer something other than my support and prayers for you and yours. wife and I have swapped sides several times, and have never found ourselves on the same side yet. I know it's difficult.

    But, if nothing else, keep the lines of communication open between you and your husband - don't let difficult child have any say-so in the dialog between the two of you. You never know, maybe you'll find common ground and start acting in unison. Many smart people here tried to get me to do that quite a while ago, and I wish I had listened to them. Not that it would have changed anything a whit with McWeedy, but maybe my relationship with wife wouldn't be so strained now.

    And, rest assured, unless things are VERY wrong with your husband, sooner or later he will realize what difficult child is doing. Illusions don't last forever. When he finally realizes the truth, will your husband turn into a "Nazi" like I did? (McWeedy's loving term for me around the house). If husband finally sees the situation a bit more clearly, what will you do? Do you have a plan for if/when that happens?

    Just my poor two cents worth.