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Don't know if I did the right thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="4now" data-source="post: 634413" data-attributes="member: 17356"><p>Thanks to all who have read, posted and prayed. It means so much to be heard. Hopefully I am a little more coherent today. Yesterday I was so overwhelmed by stress and emotion, it was difficult to write a coherent sentence. I appreciate the support, advice and comfort offered. As I have started pulling back and trying to put my own well being first, the behavior of difficult child seems to be increasingly worsening. I know that he will continue to escalate and that the mental illness and addiction will only get worse the longer they both go untreated. What I continue to struggle with, even with the support of counseling and a 12 step program is how to remain loving toward my son, without enabling. The sad thing is I can see the truth, which is he is not a person who I would ever associate with if he was not my son. He is definitely not the person he was raised to be, and over the last year has changed into some who is unrecognizable. Sometimes I want nothing more than to walk away from his drama (and him) forever and never look back. I know he lies constantly and I am unable to really trust anything he tells me. I'm sure he is getting money illegally by stealing and probably selling drugs. It makes me sick to think of that but it is a very strong possibility. He doesn't work (is too manic and unpredictable to be employable). He refuses to follow through with applying for disability even though I am pretty sure he would qualify, so his money has to be coming from somewhere. I can see the cold hard facts and still I struggle with the fact that I have 2 sons who are lost to me and are living a life I find incomprehensible. It was my middle son's 31st birthday yesterday on top of everything else going on with difficult child 33. My middle difficult child son has been a difficult child since 7 and has caused so much heartache that there isn't enough time or room to explain it all. He is an addict who last year decided to burglarize our home while we were on vacation, steal our identities , rack up thousands of fraudulent credit card charges, tried to obtain a duplicate copy of my husbands drivers license which caused us an incredible amount of stress trying to clean up the mess and ended up costing us over $25,000 last year. I haven't seen or heard from him since I confronted him in jail last October (he was in for an unrelated drug charge even though I tried to prosecute for his crime against us the detective said there wasn't enough evidence. So yesterday was just TOO MUCH for me to handle I guess. We all have a stress breaking point and I guess mine was yesterday. I think I didn't want to face the fact that I have another son who is lost to me and that is why I have enabled and fought against walking away from him too. Thanks for being a place where I can unload some of this without feeling judged as parent who has massively failed two of her 3 children. I just don't have many people in my life that understand what I am dealing with or have any experience in common. You all are such a godsend!</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="4now, post: 634413, member: 17356"] Thanks to all who have read, posted and prayed. It means so much to be heard. Hopefully I am a little more coherent today. Yesterday I was so overwhelmed by stress and emotion, it was difficult to write a coherent sentence. I appreciate the support, advice and comfort offered. As I have started pulling back and trying to put my own well being first, the behavior of difficult child seems to be increasingly worsening. I know that he will continue to escalate and that the mental illness and addiction will only get worse the longer they both go untreated. What I continue to struggle with, even with the support of counseling and a 12 step program is how to remain loving toward my son, without enabling. The sad thing is I can see the truth, which is he is not a person who I would ever associate with if he was not my son. He is definitely not the person he was raised to be, and over the last year has changed into some who is unrecognizable. Sometimes I want nothing more than to walk away from his drama (and him) forever and never look back. I know he lies constantly and I am unable to really trust anything he tells me. I'm sure he is getting money illegally by stealing and probably selling drugs. It makes me sick to think of that but it is a very strong possibility. He doesn't work (is too manic and unpredictable to be employable). He refuses to follow through with applying for disability even though I am pretty sure he would qualify, so his money has to be coming from somewhere. I can see the cold hard facts and still I struggle with the fact that I have 2 sons who are lost to me and are living a life I find incomprehensible. It was my middle son's 31st birthday yesterday on top of everything else going on with difficult child 33. My middle difficult child son has been a difficult child since 7 and has caused so much heartache that there isn't enough time or room to explain it all. He is an addict who last year decided to burglarize our home while we were on vacation, steal our identities , rack up thousands of fraudulent credit card charges, tried to obtain a duplicate copy of my husbands drivers license which caused us an incredible amount of stress trying to clean up the mess and ended up costing us over $25,000 last year. I haven't seen or heard from him since I confronted him in jail last October (he was in for an unrelated drug charge even though I tried to prosecute for his crime against us the detective said there wasn't enough evidence. So yesterday was just TOO MUCH for me to handle I guess. We all have a stress breaking point and I guess mine was yesterday. I think I didn't want to face the fact that I have another son who is lost to me and that is why I have enabled and fought against walking away from him too. Thanks for being a place where I can unload some of this without feeling judged as parent who has massively failed two of her 3 children. I just don't have many people in my life that understand what I am dealing with or have any experience in common. You all are such a godsend! Sent using ConductDisorders [/QUOTE]
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