Don't know if I'm just being ornery.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Feb 5, 2010.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    but I'm "not abiding" by the team's idea that kt cannot be left home alone for an hour or two.

    The girl will be 16 this July.

    I have a much needed appointment to get the brakes on my car checked out - I've canceled that appointment 3 times now due to issues for kt. I finally got another appointment scheduled & I likely will not be home when kt gets home from school. I should be home within an hour of her arriving home.

    The team is "suggesting" that I run all over heck & back to pick her up early from school & take her with me. OR will my niece come over & take my car in? OR can I reschedule for a different time? I don't even know how this came up.

    Be that as it may, I'm doing none of the above ~ I have to start scheduling rehab now. I have to get things done & my body doesn't generally get moving (but a couple times a month) before 10:30 or so. Too much pain.

    I told the team that kt would have to have staff in place before she got here (hasn't happened) & if that wasn't the case I would have to continue to go for treatment & the other adult things that must be done.

    I don't know if I'm looking for answers or I just needed a place to vent as I haven't been able to get back to rehab. And after going on 10 years of all this I'm done.

    My life is now back to revolving around ktbug in a way that shouldn't be at this age. I'm resenting the heck out of this kid & the one across town that eats up my every living moment; remember the song "You Are Always on My Mind" ~ that's kt & wm.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I addressed this in my morning thread, but I see here that the team DOESN'T want this to happen. I thought it was there idea!

    Well, if they don't want her left alone, let's get the support services in place! Sounds simple to me!

    Good luck!

  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I'm actually not that worried ~ I had errands to run one day & kt stayed home & safe by herself for 2 hours.

    kt has passed the test. I have a back up plan in place (unless it falls through). If the brakes need more than 1.5 hours of work, I'll schedule that work next week.

    I'm clearly being ornery. I'm clearly resenting the intrusion of services that have not even started yet & I'm being very unreasonable this morning.

  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How very frustrating for you, Linda. They really need to get staff in there if they don't want her being home alone. Saying a prayer all goes smoothly!
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Linda - the team knew when they came up with- this plan that they were sending kt home to a single mom who is still battling health issues (what was it.... "adult at risk"?). It's absolutely irresponsible for them to have known that, to have promised services, and to *still* have not provided them.

    I have to tell you, it makes me nervous that kt is home alone. But .... you know that I'm a control freak and slightly neurotic, intensely overprotective, etc. ;)

    Looking at this statement from my own peculiar little place in the world, based only on my experience, it's a very familiar sentiment. Not so much with thank you, because he hasn't been here in so long (though heaven knows, it would be nice not to still be getting calls about his latest disaster) , but more so with- Boo. When you have a child with a severe enough disability that it prevents you from gradually stepping back... well, there are times when it just slaps you in the face and you think it's not supposed to be this way. Anger and resentment can sneak in there - darnit, why the heck can't I go out for the evening or get a few hours to myself or start to move on to the next phase of my life which is supposed to be one without phone calls, staffings, crises? It's the nature of the beast and in the end I think we learn to live with it via a combination of making accommodations that we can and forgoing other things for ourselves. Nope, it's not supposed to be this way but then again, our kids were supposed to be healthy.

    Brakes need to be fixed. You need to be back in rehab. Kt either will or will not rise to the occasion, but the team needs to provide promised services rather than dump this back on you, just in case.

    Hang in there, hon!!
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I feel your pain.

    I'm on year 17 with a difficult child and 10 more to go. I'm tired and I'm getting cranky and occassionally selfish about it.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda...she is old enough to stay home alone for periods of time. End of story.

    She is basically alone while you sleep. She can get in trouble then if she wanted to. I had people give me grief about Cory going home alone at 13 and I pretty much laughed at them. Hello, other kids were babysitting at 13! You cant find daycare for teens. You do what you have to do.

    Maybe these folks will find the services they promised if they get so upset.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    This is such a lose-lose situation. I think your anger and resentment is totally natural.

    Yes, on the one hand, chronologically, kt is old enough to stay by herself for a while.

    With her issues? I can completely understand anyone not feeling comfortable leaving her un-supervised.

    However--if members of the support team are the ones feeling uncomfortable, why are they not the one's providing services to make sure kt is supervised? Why are they putting extra burdens on you??? I thought the point of services was to assist--not to give you extra orders and responsibilities.


    It makes ME want to scream....and I am not even invloved.

    I hope the team can get it together soon, For everyone's sake--but mostly yours.

  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    If Kanga comes home, we would be in the same place. And I would do exactly what you are doing. If she cannot - at almost 16 - handle a couple of unsupervised, daytime hours, maybe she needs to be back in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Heck, if you (or I for Kanga) were home and the girls decided to act out/run/etc, neither one of us could stop them.

    She is at an age where she HAS TO take responsibility for her own actions and choices.

    Focus on you and get rehab scheduled when it works best for you.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I hear you on feeling like you're tied to your child's side constantly. I get this feeling with difficult child 3. I've begun leaving him alone a lot more, but I know he's not fully "on the ball" at such times. I can telephone and check in, but often I will get home to find he hasn't done his work that he was left with, or even fed himself. At least I can trust him to stay home and not go sneaking about. I can also be fairly sure he won't panic. So I think I'm ahead of you there, Linda.

    We get people saying, "Come and visit us," or "why don't you go on a holiday, just you and husband?" and I know they just don't get it. easy child has been nagging us to let difficult child 3 travel on his own from our place to hers, technically interstate. But I don't think he's quite ready yet.

    People say, "But he's 16 now."
    It just doesn't matter what the calendar says. It was the same with difficult child 1. They do get there in the end. But it does take a lot longer.

  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    We made it through the day; my niece came over before kt got home. My brakes are fixed (under warranty thank goodness) & it's Saturday.

    I truly think kt would have made it - I have so many eyes on me right now & I think that is the problem.

    As always you ladies are an incredible sounding board & offer wisdom & support; thank you.
  12. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    If the school feels there is a conflict, they have to provide after school child care. I know, she maybe the only one there. We had a parent a few years back who NEEDED the after school program at the Middle school level (unprovided) and I KNOW if the parents would have made an issue of it, in a heart beat it would have been provided because I heard this, working in the After school program myself. It was a huge sigh all around when the parents didn't respond after eing told it'snot provided after 6th grade. Umm, yes it is, if needed and your child is in Special Education. Let them take care of her for an extra hour, she can do her homework, art activities and someone will be supervising her. If that's what they feel is needed, they must provide. Don't accept their answers, they're hoping you will. Seen it with my own eyes. The parents didn't fight back or they would have gotten the service for their ODD daughter. A huge sigh of relief came over the powers that be(head of SP ED) when they didn't make trouble. Just insist she stay at school with a provider, they recommend it after all. It will cost then 19 buck an hour- big deal!