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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 632366" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Tired Mom,</p><p></p><p>we battle weary parents welcome you here with hugs and tears. But we also have hope for you that you will get better and feel stronger. YOu are in good company now. You are not alone. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have seen that on my son's face as well...a moment of clarity, where the young man looking back at me is some one I know, some one I feel connected with, some one I can talk with...but it doesn't last. I know the ache in the heart that comes with seeing that look. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We have all been there. You can get better. It is true that you cannot save your son...funny you use that phrase, the single most useful thing I ever heard from a therapist (and it wasn't even my therapist, it was my sister's therapist, my sister reported the conversation to me ) was..."you cannot save your father."</p><p></p><p>That was such a blessing, a release for me. I have never forgotten it. CAuse he was right. We cannot save other people. YOu can't save your son...because if you could, he would for sure be saved by now, right???</p><p></p><p>But he can save himself when he is ready. That is a fact. And you can heal yourself and be ready to embrace what life brings you. Those are blessings to us. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Tired....listen to me now, and I speak gently and with love...you cannot have those things right now. Yearning for things that cannot come to you is the path to despair and madness, whether those things are money, love, property, or the safety of our loved ones. You cannot control that path. Try to let it go. Try to not focus on actual thoughts...just let yourself feel the feelings of loss and grief and fear and (I presume) anger. Let yourself just sit still and feel them...don't give them a narrative, don't talk in your head, just breath and let the feelings be what they are. They will pass through you if you let them. They need to be expressed. And if you let them, you will be richer and wiser for the experience. They will go away, and they will come back, and when they come back, do it again...let them be what they are. Feel where they are located in your body, let them reside there..your chest? your throat? your stomach? let them be there and let them leave. Try to leave the story, the hopes, the regrets out of it. It is just a process. We try to run away from bad feelings, from terror and from longing...it is better to let them have their process. As Thich Nhat Hahn says...if we learn to suffer well we suffer less. There is no light without dark. You will be OK.</p><p></p><p>We welcome you.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 632366, member: 17269"] Tired Mom, we battle weary parents welcome you here with hugs and tears. But we also have hope for you that you will get better and feel stronger. YOu are in good company now. You are not alone. I have seen that on my son's face as well...a moment of clarity, where the young man looking back at me is some one I know, some one I feel connected with, some one I can talk with...but it doesn't last. I know the ache in the heart that comes with seeing that look. We have all been there. You can get better. It is true that you cannot save your son...funny you use that phrase, the single most useful thing I ever heard from a therapist (and it wasn't even my therapist, it was my sister's therapist, my sister reported the conversation to me ) was..."you cannot save your father." That was such a blessing, a release for me. I have never forgotten it. CAuse he was right. We cannot save other people. YOu can't save your son...because if you could, he would for sure be saved by now, right??? But he can save himself when he is ready. That is a fact. And you can heal yourself and be ready to embrace what life brings you. Those are blessings to us. Tired....listen to me now, and I speak gently and with love...you cannot have those things right now. Yearning for things that cannot come to you is the path to despair and madness, whether those things are money, love, property, or the safety of our loved ones. You cannot control that path. Try to let it go. Try to not focus on actual thoughts...just let yourself feel the feelings of loss and grief and fear and (I presume) anger. Let yourself just sit still and feel them...don't give them a narrative, don't talk in your head, just breath and let the feelings be what they are. They will pass through you if you let them. They need to be expressed. And if you let them, you will be richer and wiser for the experience. They will go away, and they will come back, and when they come back, do it again...let them be what they are. Feel where they are located in your body, let them reside there..your chest? your throat? your stomach? let them be there and let them leave. Try to leave the story, the hopes, the regrets out of it. It is just a process. We try to run away from bad feelings, from terror and from longing...it is better to let them have their process. As Thich Nhat Hahn says...if we learn to suffer well we suffer less. There is no light without dark. You will be OK. We welcome you. Echo [/QUOTE]
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