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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 548709" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First of all, welcome! Sorry you had to find us, but glad to meet you.</p><p></p><p>One of the biggest mistakes you can make is letting her come to live with you. You have 7 other children who do not deserve to have their lives entirely uprooted due to her lies, and if she returns she WILL use CPS and threats to control you and the entire family. Her father NEEDS to get CPS involved. He needs to go to them, to tell them of her problem history, of her history of lying about molestation and abuse, and to ask them to help him. If he goes to them first, her accusations iwll have far less credibility, esp if you and your wife are willing to speak with them and/or send an affadavit to them about her history of lies. </p><p></p><p>PLEASE do not let her come and throw your other children into chaos and danger. Foster care is not very safe - most foster children are abused at some point while in the system. Your other kids don't deserve that. No kid does, but if Ava thinks things are so bad at home then SHE can go to foster care at her father's community and SHE can deal with what she has begged for. I sound very harsh and uncaring, and I am NOT. I just think your care needs to be placed wth your other children and with your own safety and your wife's. </p><p></p><p>The accusations that Ava can make could honestly ruin your life. You can lose your job, your income, your home, your reputation, and pretty much everything else if someone believes her accusations. I have seen it happen. Even having the accuser admit that it was all a lie won't get your job back, or repair your reputation, or replace the lost income or make up for the trauma. </p><p></p><p>The interviews to see if a child has been molested can be damaging to a child. Of course this is nto the intent, but kids are suggestible. If you ask a child (or adult for that matter) if something has happened often enough, eventually the child will say it has happened even if it hasn't. The child will come to BELIEVE it has happened even if it hasn't, and this is damaging Occupational Therapist (OT) the extreme. Often enough, in terms of how many times the child is asked, isn't a big number. With many kids it is under 10 times, from the research I have seen. I looked at research on this last year as a child I know had her mom allege her dad had abused her. He didn't, but I wanted to know more about this. I was shocked at how few times a child has to be asked the same question before they start giving a false answer and believing that answer. Kids do this because they want to please adults, but it doesn't make it any easier to cope with the aftermath.</p><p></p><p>Ava's dad needs to find resources in his community, and get Ava into foster care or a residential treatment facility, in some way out of his home and your home simply cannot be an option. It makes no sense to risk your other kids, who have in NO way done anything wrong, for a child who is lying to get her own way and who clearly has some sort of complex problems going on that won't ever be treatable until she is able to recognize them and accept and participate in that treatment.</p><p></p><p>It does NOT make you bad parents to refuse to allow her to come to your home. Actually you are making her stay to deal with the consequences of her lies, and you are protecting your other children, which makes you good parents in my book at least.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 548709, member: 1233"] First of all, welcome! Sorry you had to find us, but glad to meet you. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is letting her come to live with you. You have 7 other children who do not deserve to have their lives entirely uprooted due to her lies, and if she returns she WILL use CPS and threats to control you and the entire family. Her father NEEDS to get CPS involved. He needs to go to them, to tell them of her problem history, of her history of lying about molestation and abuse, and to ask them to help him. If he goes to them first, her accusations iwll have far less credibility, esp if you and your wife are willing to speak with them and/or send an affadavit to them about her history of lies. PLEASE do not let her come and throw your other children into chaos and danger. Foster care is not very safe - most foster children are abused at some point while in the system. Your other kids don't deserve that. No kid does, but if Ava thinks things are so bad at home then SHE can go to foster care at her father's community and SHE can deal with what she has begged for. I sound very harsh and uncaring, and I am NOT. I just think your care needs to be placed wth your other children and with your own safety and your wife's. The accusations that Ava can make could honestly ruin your life. You can lose your job, your income, your home, your reputation, and pretty much everything else if someone believes her accusations. I have seen it happen. Even having the accuser admit that it was all a lie won't get your job back, or repair your reputation, or replace the lost income or make up for the trauma. The interviews to see if a child has been molested can be damaging to a child. Of course this is nto the intent, but kids are suggestible. If you ask a child (or adult for that matter) if something has happened often enough, eventually the child will say it has happened even if it hasn't. The child will come to BELIEVE it has happened even if it hasn't, and this is damaging Occupational Therapist (OT) the extreme. Often enough, in terms of how many times the child is asked, isn't a big number. With many kids it is under 10 times, from the research I have seen. I looked at research on this last year as a child I know had her mom allege her dad had abused her. He didn't, but I wanted to know more about this. I was shocked at how few times a child has to be asked the same question before they start giving a false answer and believing that answer. Kids do this because they want to please adults, but it doesn't make it any easier to cope with the aftermath. Ava's dad needs to find resources in his community, and get Ava into foster care or a residential treatment facility, in some way out of his home and your home simply cannot be an option. It makes no sense to risk your other kids, who have in NO way done anything wrong, for a child who is lying to get her own way and who clearly has some sort of complex problems going on that won't ever be treatable until she is able to recognize them and accept and participate in that treatment. It does NOT make you bad parents to refuse to allow her to come to your home. Actually you are making her stay to deal with the consequences of her lies, and you are protecting your other children, which makes you good parents in my book at least. [/QUOTE]
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