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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 406034" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi and congratulations first off! leaving an abusive situation is never easy so good for you! you have changed your kids lives and your own in ways you probably dont even see yet. i walked a similar path so i can appreciate the effort and courage it took to do what you did.</p><p> </p><p>sooo i have a diff take on this. My advice would be to find a therapist first for your son, someone whose worked with kids to give him the opportunity to vent out his feelings in the right setting and with someone that he isnt' emeshed with a neutrel party. I'd also look into some type of physical activity that he could become engaged in, a sport maybe or some type of class that he could take. he has alot of aggression it sounds like and he needs somewhere to vent out all that physical aggression and anger in a safe setting and not at home with-you or easy child.</p><p> </p><p>here in the us we have what's called "BIG BROTHERS" its an agency that partners men with-boys that either do not have a father or that have minimal time with-them. it gives the child the opportunity for male bonding, also for him to see appropriate male interactions and behaviors that are non threatening and respectful. maybe you could locate something like that where you are. i think that would help him alot find his way thru this.</p><p> </p><p>it sounds like to me h'es acting out which is soo normal based on what he's experienced. you have all been thru a trauma and survived it thanks to you. it sounds like he's acting like dad and you and easy child are like oh no not again!! i don't blame you, he can't act that way in your home it's unacceptable. yet it makes sense he's acting like the father that he misses. thing about kids they can literally be kicked by their parent and they still want them. soo odd, yet soo true.</p><p> </p><p>i'd try that approach all of it together though. he's going to need somewhere to get that aggression out safely once he starts to hopefully open up in therapy he'll get angry and it'll get worse before it gets better probably. thing is i think to me his anger is learned behavior that with the right supports and time can be unlearned and learn new and appropriate ways to handle how he's feeling.</p><p> </p><p>i think the only time i would do an evaluation. is if you start the therapy and the other stuff and he's getting alot worse. than it may be time to talk about a low dosage medication just to calm him with- a doctor and via an evaluation so that ther therapy is effective.</p><p> </p><p>good luck, your a brave woman and a good person. you and your kids are going to be great in time. it'll just take time to heal. it took us a long time too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 406034, member: 4514"] hi and congratulations first off! leaving an abusive situation is never easy so good for you! you have changed your kids lives and your own in ways you probably dont even see yet. i walked a similar path so i can appreciate the effort and courage it took to do what you did. sooo i have a diff take on this. My advice would be to find a therapist first for your son, someone whose worked with kids to give him the opportunity to vent out his feelings in the right setting and with someone that he isnt' emeshed with a neutrel party. I'd also look into some type of physical activity that he could become engaged in, a sport maybe or some type of class that he could take. he has alot of aggression it sounds like and he needs somewhere to vent out all that physical aggression and anger in a safe setting and not at home with-you or easy child. here in the us we have what's called "BIG BROTHERS" its an agency that partners men with-boys that either do not have a father or that have minimal time with-them. it gives the child the opportunity for male bonding, also for him to see appropriate male interactions and behaviors that are non threatening and respectful. maybe you could locate something like that where you are. i think that would help him alot find his way thru this. it sounds like to me h'es acting out which is soo normal based on what he's experienced. you have all been thru a trauma and survived it thanks to you. it sounds like he's acting like dad and you and easy child are like oh no not again!! i don't blame you, he can't act that way in your home it's unacceptable. yet it makes sense he's acting like the father that he misses. thing about kids they can literally be kicked by their parent and they still want them. soo odd, yet soo true. i'd try that approach all of it together though. he's going to need somewhere to get that aggression out safely once he starts to hopefully open up in therapy he'll get angry and it'll get worse before it gets better probably. thing is i think to me his anger is learned behavior that with the right supports and time can be unlearned and learn new and appropriate ways to handle how he's feeling. i think the only time i would do an evaluation. is if you start the therapy and the other stuff and he's getting alot worse. than it may be time to talk about a low dosage medication just to calm him with- a doctor and via an evaluation so that ther therapy is effective. good luck, your a brave woman and a good person. you and your kids are going to be great in time. it'll just take time to heal. it took us a long time too. [/QUOTE]
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