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Don't know which way to go, could use some advice..............
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 511815" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I feel better already, simply reading your posts about my dilemma and knowing you all get it, makes a huge difference. I know you all can relate to this strange world I live in, and I so appreciate your responses. I am digesting what everyone has said.</p><p></p><p>Susie, thanks for your kindness and your understanding and your hugs.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, it is cruel and inhumane for the cats. When difficult child was in jail 5 weeks ago, we called the Animal Control Sheriff and told him the entire issue and how we wanted to get the cats to safety. He was extremely helpful and compassionate. Remarkably, he called the jail where she was and told her we were trying to have the cats put in to a shelter and she said NO. He called us back and told us he couldn't do anything because they are her cats and the police could not take the cats and in fact, we couldn't do anything either or be in legal trouble. Can you believe that? He even checked with his superiors because we really questioned that logic, but that is what he said. </p><p></p><p>When she was in jail I spoke to her court appointed attorney about a mental evaluation and the attorney said, the inmates have to really be obviously disturbed before they will arrange an evaluation and her exact words were, "and your daughter is far from disturbed, she is quite articulate." </p><p></p><p>Susie, I googled "vulnerable adult" and can't find any info about it other then elders. Can you give me more information about that?</p><p></p><p>I have continually respected all of my granddaughters desires involving her mother, I feel like I need to protect her boundaries. Even though I know it hurts my daughter. My granddaughter trusts me to protect her and I always have. It hurts my heart to see the deep chasm between them.</p><p></p><p>Tired, thanks for your insight and the options you offered, it all helps so much. I have been, in one way or the other, trying to get my difficult child help of some kind for about 15 years. She has refused all help except when she was fighting me for custody of her daughter and I paid for her to go to therapy then. In order for her to have court sanctioned time with her daughter she had to go to therapy, she went two or three times and then stopped. Unfortunately, I cannot make her go, she is an adult. Having her stay in <u>our</u> home is no longer an option for any of us. Hence, the thought of paying for an apartment for her. I'v researched the homeless shelters, the programs for the mentally ill, the benefits she might get from that and sent it all to her telling her she could avail herself to these services if she would get evaluated and diagnosed. I sent her Dr.s' who would evaluate her on a sliding scale and I offered to pay for it too. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I can store the stuff she has here in our garage, but not the stuff in storage. Her storage locker is huge, when she had a home she was a hoarder, so she has LOTS of stuff. Well, unless the storage manager already got rid of it. She also has some stuff in my SO's storage locker.</p><p></p><p>I never thought of calling her probation officer. I don't know if she would tell me his/her name. What will they offer me? Do they have work programs for offenders? I really know nothing about anything pertaining to jail/police/breaking the law. But, I can learn.</p><p></p><p>Thanks Star for understanding that the choice I face may not ever feel like one I can feel good about. Sigh. It feels good just to have you understand that. I am sorry you had to go through so much loss, it must have been horrific. My heart goes out to you Star. And, you're right, I've always been a stable person who has not experienced anything like what you went through or what my daughter has been through. I have my own bizarre mentally ill family which I needed a lot of therapy to heal from, but all the issues my difficult child has presented me with are quite foreign to me. And, I never thought about my granddaughter thinking about how her mother fights for the cats but didn't for her, that is such a good point. Yikes. </p><p></p><p>Star, if you don't mind my asking, how old is your son? How is he now? Is he still working and able to care for himself now? Your story gives me strength. It must have been so incredibly hard for you, words fail me. God bless you for doing the right thing for your son under such horrible circumstances. I feel like I have to make a similar choice, things are at a critical mass point. This is exactly where I did not want to land.</p><p></p><p>Yes, I agree with getting a new view for my difficult child, a new place to go. Her Dad asked her to go to Florida where he lives a while back. I thought this would be great. A possibility for a new life, or at least a place to decompress. She refused to go, she said she needed to tie up all the loose ends here first, the storage, the cats, etc. I don't know if that offer is still on the table or not. Her Dad has pretty severe health issues and I thought the two of them could finally make some connection before he dies and she says she plans on going as soon as she straightens stuff here out. Sigh. I wish she would go NOW, for all of our sakes. And, thanks, calling the women's shelters is a good idea. </p><p></p><p>You've all given me good advice and food for thought. Thank you. Last night in the middle of the night, when I couldn't sleep for worrying, I came downstairs and checked in on this site. I read a bunch of posts from you remarkable parents and after awhile, I felt a lot better. Nothing changed. I just didn't feel so alone anymore.......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 511815, member: 13542"] I feel better already, simply reading your posts about my dilemma and knowing you all get it, makes a huge difference. I know you all can relate to this strange world I live in, and I so appreciate your responses. I am digesting what everyone has said. Susie, thanks for your kindness and your understanding and your hugs. Yes, it is cruel and inhumane for the cats. When difficult child was in jail 5 weeks ago, we called the Animal Control Sheriff and told him the entire issue and how we wanted to get the cats to safety. He was extremely helpful and compassionate. Remarkably, he called the jail where she was and told her we were trying to have the cats put in to a shelter and she said NO. He called us back and told us he couldn't do anything because they are her cats and the police could not take the cats and in fact, we couldn't do anything either or be in legal trouble. Can you believe that? He even checked with his superiors because we really questioned that logic, but that is what he said. When she was in jail I spoke to her court appointed attorney about a mental evaluation and the attorney said, the inmates have to really be obviously disturbed before they will arrange an evaluation and her exact words were, "and your daughter is far from disturbed, she is quite articulate." Susie, I googled "vulnerable adult" and can't find any info about it other then elders. Can you give me more information about that? I have continually respected all of my granddaughters desires involving her mother, I feel like I need to protect her boundaries. Even though I know it hurts my daughter. My granddaughter trusts me to protect her and I always have. It hurts my heart to see the deep chasm between them. Tired, thanks for your insight and the options you offered, it all helps so much. I have been, in one way or the other, trying to get my difficult child help of some kind for about 15 years. She has refused all help except when she was fighting me for custody of her daughter and I paid for her to go to therapy then. In order for her to have court sanctioned time with her daughter she had to go to therapy, she went two or three times and then stopped. Unfortunately, I cannot make her go, she is an adult. Having her stay in [U]our[/U] home is no longer an option for any of us. Hence, the thought of paying for an apartment for her. I'v researched the homeless shelters, the programs for the mentally ill, the benefits she might get from that and sent it all to her telling her she could avail herself to these services if she would get evaluated and diagnosed. I sent her Dr.s' who would evaluate her on a sliding scale and I offered to pay for it too. Yes, I can store the stuff she has here in our garage, but not the stuff in storage. Her storage locker is huge, when she had a home she was a hoarder, so she has LOTS of stuff. Well, unless the storage manager already got rid of it. She also has some stuff in my SO's storage locker. I never thought of calling her probation officer. I don't know if she would tell me his/her name. What will they offer me? Do they have work programs for offenders? I really know nothing about anything pertaining to jail/police/breaking the law. But, I can learn. Thanks Star for understanding that the choice I face may not ever feel like one I can feel good about. Sigh. It feels good just to have you understand that. I am sorry you had to go through so much loss, it must have been horrific. My heart goes out to you Star. And, you're right, I've always been a stable person who has not experienced anything like what you went through or what my daughter has been through. I have my own bizarre mentally ill family which I needed a lot of therapy to heal from, but all the issues my difficult child has presented me with are quite foreign to me. And, I never thought about my granddaughter thinking about how her mother fights for the cats but didn't for her, that is such a good point. Yikes. Star, if you don't mind my asking, how old is your son? How is he now? Is he still working and able to care for himself now? Your story gives me strength. It must have been so incredibly hard for you, words fail me. God bless you for doing the right thing for your son under such horrible circumstances. I feel like I have to make a similar choice, things are at a critical mass point. This is exactly where I did not want to land. Yes, I agree with getting a new view for my difficult child, a new place to go. Her Dad asked her to go to Florida where he lives a while back. I thought this would be great. A possibility for a new life, or at least a place to decompress. She refused to go, she said she needed to tie up all the loose ends here first, the storage, the cats, etc. I don't know if that offer is still on the table or not. Her Dad has pretty severe health issues and I thought the two of them could finally make some connection before he dies and she says she plans on going as soon as she straightens stuff here out. Sigh. I wish she would go NOW, for all of our sakes. And, thanks, calling the women's shelters is a good idea. You've all given me good advice and food for thought. Thank you. Last night in the middle of the night, when I couldn't sleep for worrying, I came downstairs and checked in on this site. I read a bunch of posts from you remarkable parents and after awhile, I felt a lot better. Nothing changed. I just didn't feel so alone anymore....... [/QUOTE]
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