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Don't know which way to go, could use some advice..............
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 511917" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>RA - </p><p></p><p>LOL - We'll talk about Dude - MUCH MUCH later. But he's 21. Anything that doesn't kill you makes YOU more mentally ill? LOL. Ahem. I'm still working on the back haul for that one. </p><p></p><p>My overall thought of how you are approaching this person - your daughter is that SINCE she is mentally ill? AND you are giving her assistance? You are giving her WAY too many choices/options. I'm not being mean in the least. I say that because if she is truly mentally ill she is INCAPABLE of making choices. Perhaps it's time to take her to court and find her mentally incompetent of making wise and rash decisions and take over her life as being her guardians and start MAKING legal and other choices FOR HER? You get a free consultation with most attorneys and I think the bar association in your or any area is around $25.00 for a referral. If you can't afford that? I believe the Legal Aid Society in many areas will help if it's not a criminal situation. I actually believe they could point your family in the right direction. Then you could have power to help her, like you really want to without her constantly undermining your efforts. Maybe it wouldn't be forever - maybe it would be until she did DECOMPRESS, and see that she really WAS in need of help - then get the situation reversed. </p><p></p><p>My other thought While you are on vacation? I'd send your daughter to be with her Father. No would you like to go - Just YOU ARE GOING and no explaination - YOUR FATHER wants you. Maybe after you have some time of your own to decompress - you could face this situation with a clearer mind. With her out of the picture for a little bit - you COULD think. It took months and months after Dude was out of the house for everyone to literally stop walking on eggshells and JUST because they are not in the houe does not mean that you return to normal because their drama follows you for a long time. THe fallout of their choices and their needs - seem to be never ending no matter HOW MUCH you detach. It's like they have no one else - and the people that they despise the most - or rather feel most comfortable blowing up to - are the ones that they come to for help in their 12th hour begging and pleading for YOU to solve their mess. </p><p></p><p>With regards to the cats? Bologna. Call the ASPCA. The sheriff I believe is incorrect. Living in a car? IS NOT NOT NOT - good. If the local humane shelter got involved they could talk to her and place the cats up for adoption and get them good homes. I can't imagine how she feels this is good for them. She's being very self centered in this thought process, and not being a good Mother to the cats. Maybe she could start with one? </p><p>They have people that could talk to her and make reasonable ideas about the situation which is so hard for her to understand. </p><p></p><p>I think if she could be found incompetent - get ssi - and get on section 8 housing - Which is another thing - could she apply for that now? Get on a list? I don't know but in my mind - she is being given TOO MANY choices and has decision overload and I think I would ask MY therapist - WHAT do I do? How do I handle this? Walk away - OR GEt tougher with less choices? I don't know gal - your task is one I know NO Mother or parent envies - My x is 56 years old and has NO CLUE how to manage his life - how to find a job, housing, food - relationships - it's sad really - he just wants drugs, booze and is very ill. He too had choices, and options and a Mother that would have done anything for him until the day she died - and that for me was the saddest thing - She spent HER ENTIRE LIFE - living for him - and wasted her chance to have a life. Now she's gone, and he lives on - killing himself - completely unaware still of what she did, and her sacrafices. She could have done so much more - and enjoyed the gift she was given. Instead in my opinion - she squandered it - except for the fact that she left me with haunting memories of HOW not to waste a life. </p><p></p><p>I don't envy you a nickles worth. But I would talk to my therapist and take my list of concerns - and keep coming here ------Because we all need each other. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 511917, member: 4964"] RA - LOL - We'll talk about Dude - MUCH MUCH later. But he's 21. Anything that doesn't kill you makes YOU more mentally ill? LOL. Ahem. I'm still working on the back haul for that one. My overall thought of how you are approaching this person - your daughter is that SINCE she is mentally ill? AND you are giving her assistance? You are giving her WAY too many choices/options. I'm not being mean in the least. I say that because if she is truly mentally ill she is INCAPABLE of making choices. Perhaps it's time to take her to court and find her mentally incompetent of making wise and rash decisions and take over her life as being her guardians and start MAKING legal and other choices FOR HER? You get a free consultation with most attorneys and I think the bar association in your or any area is around $25.00 for a referral. If you can't afford that? I believe the Legal Aid Society in many areas will help if it's not a criminal situation. I actually believe they could point your family in the right direction. Then you could have power to help her, like you really want to without her constantly undermining your efforts. Maybe it wouldn't be forever - maybe it would be until she did DECOMPRESS, and see that she really WAS in need of help - then get the situation reversed. My other thought While you are on vacation? I'd send your daughter to be with her Father. No would you like to go - Just YOU ARE GOING and no explaination - YOUR FATHER wants you. Maybe after you have some time of your own to decompress - you could face this situation with a clearer mind. With her out of the picture for a little bit - you COULD think. It took months and months after Dude was out of the house for everyone to literally stop walking on eggshells and JUST because they are not in the houe does not mean that you return to normal because their drama follows you for a long time. THe fallout of their choices and their needs - seem to be never ending no matter HOW MUCH you detach. It's like they have no one else - and the people that they despise the most - or rather feel most comfortable blowing up to - are the ones that they come to for help in their 12th hour begging and pleading for YOU to solve their mess. With regards to the cats? Bologna. Call the ASPCA. The sheriff I believe is incorrect. Living in a car? IS NOT NOT NOT - good. If the local humane shelter got involved they could talk to her and place the cats up for adoption and get them good homes. I can't imagine how she feels this is good for them. She's being very self centered in this thought process, and not being a good Mother to the cats. Maybe she could start with one? They have people that could talk to her and make reasonable ideas about the situation which is so hard for her to understand. I think if she could be found incompetent - get ssi - and get on section 8 housing - Which is another thing - could she apply for that now? Get on a list? I don't know but in my mind - she is being given TOO MANY choices and has decision overload and I think I would ask MY therapist - WHAT do I do? How do I handle this? Walk away - OR GEt tougher with less choices? I don't know gal - your task is one I know NO Mother or parent envies - My x is 56 years old and has NO CLUE how to manage his life - how to find a job, housing, food - relationships - it's sad really - he just wants drugs, booze and is very ill. He too had choices, and options and a Mother that would have done anything for him until the day she died - and that for me was the saddest thing - She spent HER ENTIRE LIFE - living for him - and wasted her chance to have a life. Now she's gone, and he lives on - killing himself - completely unaware still of what she did, and her sacrafices. She could have done so much more - and enjoyed the gift she was given. Instead in my opinion - she squandered it - except for the fact that she left me with haunting memories of HOW not to waste a life. I don't envy you a nickles worth. But I would talk to my therapist and take my list of concerns - and keep coming here ------Because we all need each other. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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Don't know which way to go, could use some advice..............
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