Don't know why this should even surprise me....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Apr 12, 2011.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Since we found the bottle of pee upstairs, I thought we should ask easy child if difficult child ever asked him to pee for her. With out hesitation he says yes! She told him she would pay him for it (wonder how this girl has money....?), but he claims he never did it.

    Obviously she found some one else that would.....ugh.....

    She posted pictures of herself on Facebook. More fuel for me to sit and worry - she doesn't look totally healthy. I cannot believe she feels this life she is living is better than going to rehab... :(

    And to top it off, one of her old buddies (a total junkie, older, was in jail and now out obviously) contacted her on Facebook asking where she is and difficult child told her where she has been staying - same town she hung out in when she was using. So....really no doubt in my mind now that difficult child is still using.
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Maybe it's time to remove yourself as her friend on facebook. I know you probably find some comfort in knowing where she is and that she is alive, also see other things that aren't helping you detatch from her choices and heal yourself. I know the desperation and obsession with trying to see what they are up to, who they are talking to, where they are and what they are doing, but I've also learned the peace of now knowing that.
  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh, I am not her friend - she has everything visible to the public. But, I should stop lookingit up. You are right. She has not asked anything of us nor has she shown any interest in being here. I need to leave it alone. husband saw me starting to get sucked back in last night and tried reeling me back in...thanks :)
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Detach, detach, detach. Good for husband!
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was doing the same thing, looking at her fb and who she was becoming friends with (all her old druggie friends). It drove me crazy but at least I knew not to believe her lies. husband told me to stop looking. He didn't even want me to tell him what I found out. She finally defriended me but I can still see her wall through a mutual friend. Now that she's in rehab she hasn't been posting.

    And by the way I found a bottle of pee in difficult child's room too, with a hand warmer. She had a feiend buy it for her at a head shop or someplace. Sick isn't it?

  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I am not past the point of looking at FB either. I am careful not to respond to anything so he doesn't unfriend me!! LOL. He actually hasn't posted anything since he got back.... so I can't have a reaction. I kind of just like to get a sense of where he is at.... but as I continue to detach and as things get worse I might have to stop looking.
  7. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I don't know about the whole dont look thing. Knowing they are alive is peace for me. It has also helped me locate my daughter on occation. The trick is to use it as a tool only when you need to.
    I'm sorry about other things-so much gut-wrenching hurt. A hug to you.
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I need to detach.......she just called me to say hi. She sounds horrible - has a really bad cough, but that could be smokers' cough. She said she has had several run ins with police lately, so she doesn't think she has a warrant out for her (eyeroll). She says she is living in a house with no electricity. The home owner doesn't want druggies there, so he won't turn the electricity back on (eyeroll). She also tells me she is hungry. She says all her extra money goes to dog food for her dog. I asked her if this is honestly better than going to a program. Again, she claims she doesn't need a program so she won't go to one. I told her that is her choice, I do not understand it at all, but it is her choice to make. I had to get off the phone. Not good for me to hear her like this. I did text her the number for her to call about food stamps, gave her the number for a women's homeless shelter where she could get a meal and told her there are sober living facilities that she could live at, but that she had to be sober and want to stay sober. No replies, yet....

    This HOOVERS. I am sitting here crying because all I can think about is how bad she looks and her saying she is hungry. :( My goodness, the hungry thing gets me every time. I want to run out and get her a grocery gift card but wouldn't that be enabling? I certainly don't want to prevent her from hitting bottom....I would think hunger would actually help bottom come a little faster. But the pain in my heart...
  9. compassion

    compassion Member

    Yes, teh being manipulated by the pity. Today she was telling me that she has no friends to hang out with for her birthday so needs extra rewards. She turns 18 Saturday and need to ride this one out. She is also using a lot even though she is teen court ordered to counceling and drug tests. Has not had any yet as she cannot pass them yet.
    She deffreinded me on FB awhile back and again I will need to ride this one out.
    She is attending a theft awreness class and cherrif's office today and hopefully will go to community service tomorrow.
    I get so many ops to practice patience and detatchment.
  10. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Yes, it is very hard to detach when you're sick with worry over what could happen. We, especially wife, struggle constantly with this too. It is a lot easier for me, being her step-dad and away from the immediate environment 80% of the time, but she knows just the right pity and fear buttons to push to drag us right in to rescue mode every time it seems like. Which is precisely why we need to detach. It's better not to know the gory details of how they get by, but so hard to resist the temptation. We don't do Facebook but difficult child has friends who seem to delight in calling wife with scary tidbits about her life, over which wife can do nothing but obsess and worry.
  11. Mrs.McNear51

    Mrs.McNear51 Member


    I could have posted the same exact thing about Sweet Betsy. She stays with friends during the day, but they won't allow her there at night, because any chance she gets, she steals their alcohol and makes a fool of herself. At night, she is sleeping in a pick up truck on a Walmart parking lot, while her buddy works. I am amazed that she is still alive. I believe she is closing in on the bottom. She has been posting on her FB page that she is going to check out a Ecovillage. Anything would be better than the WM parking lot.

    I feel your pain and will pray for your family.


  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    They do know how to pull at our heart strings, don't they??

    When my son relapsed and got kicked out of his apartment and moved into the hotel, I made some phone calls and found a food bank that he goes to every Friday now. I made the calls, gave him the number and now it's up to him to remember to call this guy every Friday. Try looking up local food banks in your area and give her the numbers. This way you aren't supplying her with food, but rather giving her the resources to get herself some.
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Great idea - just looked one up and found one in the town she is staying in. I texted her the address. Thanks!