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General Parenting
Don't really know where to go from here...I'd love some advise!! (And I'm going to just vent)
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<blockquote data-quote="Valentine mom" data-source="post: 619164" data-attributes="member: 17619"><p>Hello-</p><p>I read through thoroughly, and I first want you to know my children are now grown adults, and I have never been to professional counseling. The reason I have come to this site is to find out how to now deal with my adult daughter who had two parents who did what you are doing when she was younger. </p><p> My husband and I were both consistently there but my husband would let the kids get away with things that I thought were important to not let them get away with. I begged him to parent with me by asking the kids to "pick up" or whatever it might be, and most of the time he couldn't bring himself to do it but then he would suddenly decide to take the helm, but would insist I stand aside during the rare times he did. He is a caring, loving dad but our problem daughter sensed the weak link in him which seemed to deem me ineffective because she knew he wouldn't back me. I always tried to as you say "instill good life skills" along with honesty and integrity. My husband was more her favorite because he was easy, but I notice now if she wants advice, she'll come to me. Also she used the parental divide between our parenting styles as a way to pit my husband and I against each other, like a type of control. I understand your frustration, but I urge you to come to an agreement with your husband on a consistent style that your son knows that you and your husband will stand by. It will help him now and as an adult. </p><p> What happened in our house is that when she got older [after college, but still living at home] she worked our broken parenting system to not get a job, lounge around, go have fun and not take responsibility. All of that, and it was still difficult for my husband to make a stand. She is now out of the house, but this has been a difficult journey.</p><p></p><p>I hope I was somewhat helpful.</p><p>Valentine mom</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Valentine mom, post: 619164, member: 17619"] Hello- I read through thoroughly, and I first want you to know my children are now grown adults, and I have never been to professional counseling. The reason I have come to this site is to find out how to now deal with my adult daughter who had two parents who did what you are doing when she was younger. My husband and I were both consistently there but my husband would let the kids get away with things that I thought were important to not let them get away with. I begged him to parent with me by asking the kids to "pick up" or whatever it might be, and most of the time he couldn't bring himself to do it but then he would suddenly decide to take the helm, but would insist I stand aside during the rare times he did. He is a caring, loving dad but our problem daughter sensed the weak link in him which seemed to deem me ineffective because she knew he wouldn't back me. I always tried to as you say "instill good life skills" along with honesty and integrity. My husband was more her favorite because he was easy, but I notice now if she wants advice, she'll come to me. Also she used the parental divide between our parenting styles as a way to pit my husband and I against each other, like a type of control. I understand your frustration, but I urge you to come to an agreement with your husband on a consistent style that your son knows that you and your husband will stand by. It will help him now and as an adult. What happened in our house is that when she got older [after college, but still living at home] she worked our broken parenting system to not get a job, lounge around, go have fun and not take responsibility. All of that, and it was still difficult for my husband to make a stand. She is now out of the house, but this has been a difficult journey. I hope I was somewhat helpful. Valentine mom [/QUOTE]
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Don't really know where to go from here...I'd love some advise!! (And I'm going to just vent)
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