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Dormant Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Reactive Attachment Disorder... encouragement welcome!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow" data-source="post: 318953" data-attributes="member: 8405"><p>Thanks all! </p><p></p><p>All your encouragement and sharing of your experiences has been tremendously helpful!!! There is comfort in knowing we are not the only family going through this kind of ordeal...</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't for an instant wish any of it on anyone though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p></p><p>We're 4th months into this garbage, and both difficult child's continue to collaborate, with each other, and want nothing to do with us. </p><p></p><p>...Silly hopeful us! </p><p></p><p>We continue to hope for restoration of relationships!!! </p><p></p><p>Depending on the pain level of the day... </p><p>...some days we want restoration quicker than others! ( <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" />) </p><p></p><p>Understanding the 7 stages of Grief has been helpful. When the pain of grief gets too deep... I remind myself we are greiving the loss of relationships of our children who are very dear to us. Thankfully we are not grieving loss of life (halleluia) and as long as we all have breath we can have hope for restoration of family relationships this side of eternity!!!!!!</p><p></p><p>... We love them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p></p><p>One of the "professionals" we've encountered in addressing our daughter's false claims against us said as a professional she sees this kind of thing all the time! That professional said it may take years... it might take until our difficult child's have kids of their own before they desire to have a relationship with us again. </p><p></p><p>...Before we ever met that professional, I was aware our kids may need to have rebellious teens of their own before they can better understand us. I pray it doesn't take that long.</p><p></p><p>Last we are aware, difficult child's live separately from each other, with their friends' parents, (my guess is they are not financially contributing to their eating and living expenses. They have each developed tremendous entitlement issues since daughter-difficult child's return from college!) I'm grateful that the spirits of "Division and Rebellion" have moved out of our home... yet we miss our kids! The house is more peaceful than it has been since daughter-difficult child returned from college 2 years ago.</p><p></p><p>daughter-difficult child and DS-difficult child have had little to no contact with daughter-Bio (out of state... sucessful). daughter-Bio always initiates contact by reaching out to them... </p><p></p><p>daughter-difficult child Dropped daughter-Bio (out of state) from all her cyber-connections the same day daughter-difficult child made false acusations and took legal action against us. </p><p></p><p>Curious huh!?!</p><p></p><p>I continue to be amazed at how we have been presented with various factoids about difficult children' lies, deceptions and their personal misbehavior. interesting thing is no one is deliberately tattling to us about them... and we're not snooping. Information comes pouring in from a variety of sources... primarily from strangers we don't even personally know. By this, it is clear that God is letting us know that He is concerned about our difficult children, and their decisions... The Lord is addressing their hearts. </p><p></p><p>We are grateful that our entire family (aside from our beloved difficult child-adoptees) and many of our long term friends (Christian and otherwise) are standing by us in this. God has brought old friends we haven't seen in years across our path... we are so grateful for His goodness!!!</p><p></p><p>It seems the people who have chosen to break relationship with us are the ones who became our "close Christian Friends" less than 10 years ago. They have no knowledge or experience of daughter-difficult child's behavior during "the early years." Thinking about it... their philosophy has been that living the wild life is a young adult's God-given right... at the parent's expense. Hey! Now that I think of it... most of their "adult" children are far from living bright and shiny sucessful lives. That perspective helps!</p><p></p><p>One of those "friends less than 10 years" couples told us they "still love" us and "are praying for" us... they "don't want to discuss anything," they've "already heard (daughter-difficult child)'s side and don't want to be put in the middle." </p><p></p><p>...We're praying for all of them... and trying as best as we know to walk with love and forgiveness in our hearts for those "friends" and their families by whom we are feeling tremendously betrayed.</p><p></p><p>We had the tangible reality of 10 truly beautiful years (the middle years) of a truly close loving relationship the whole family had with daughter-difficult child!!! Those years it seems (in hindsight) her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) was in remission.</p><p></p><p>We're hopeful it will go in remission again... </p><p></p><p>We continue to hold out hope for healing and relationship restoration... </p><p></p><p>We're holding tightly to God's promises... trying our best to follow His direction... and trying to repent quickly when "feelings of unforgiveness" try to mess with our concrete decision to extend forgiveness to all who have hurt us. Unforgiveness can be an emotion... Forgiveness is not an emotion! Forgiveness is a decision!!!!! We have made the decision to forgive and daily we're steadliy doing our best to walk it out. </p><p></p><p>Hope hurts, I never realized how painful hope could be... but for today... I'm going to do it anyway!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow, post: 318953, member: 8405"] Thanks all! All your encouragement and sharing of your experiences has been tremendously helpful!!! There is comfort in knowing we are not the only family going through this kind of ordeal... I wouldn't for an instant wish any of it on anyone though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're 4th months into this garbage, and both difficult child's continue to collaborate, with each other, and want nothing to do with us. ...Silly hopeful us! We continue to hope for restoration of relationships!!! Depending on the pain level of the day... ...some days we want restoration quicker than others! ( :winking:) Understanding the 7 stages of Grief has been helpful. When the pain of grief gets too deep... I remind myself we are greiving the loss of relationships of our children who are very dear to us. Thankfully we are not grieving loss of life (halleluia) and as long as we all have breath we can have hope for restoration of family relationships this side of eternity!!!!!! ... We love them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the "professionals" we've encountered in addressing our daughter's false claims against us said as a professional she sees this kind of thing all the time! That professional said it may take years... it might take until our difficult child's have kids of their own before they desire to have a relationship with us again. ...Before we ever met that professional, I was aware our kids may need to have rebellious teens of their own before they can better understand us. I pray it doesn't take that long. Last we are aware, difficult child's live separately from each other, with their friends' parents, (my guess is they are not financially contributing to their eating and living expenses. They have each developed tremendous entitlement issues since daughter-difficult child's return from college!) I'm grateful that the spirits of "Division and Rebellion" have moved out of our home... yet we miss our kids! The house is more peaceful than it has been since daughter-difficult child returned from college 2 years ago. daughter-difficult child and DS-difficult child have had little to no contact with daughter-Bio (out of state... sucessful). daughter-Bio always initiates contact by reaching out to them... daughter-difficult child Dropped daughter-Bio (out of state) from all her cyber-connections the same day daughter-difficult child made false acusations and took legal action against us. Curious huh!?! I continue to be amazed at how we have been presented with various factoids about difficult children' lies, deceptions and their personal misbehavior. interesting thing is no one is deliberately tattling to us about them... and we're not snooping. Information comes pouring in from a variety of sources... primarily from strangers we don't even personally know. By this, it is clear that God is letting us know that He is concerned about our difficult children, and their decisions... The Lord is addressing their hearts. We are grateful that our entire family (aside from our beloved difficult child-adoptees) and many of our long term friends (Christian and otherwise) are standing by us in this. God has brought old friends we haven't seen in years across our path... we are so grateful for His goodness!!! It seems the people who have chosen to break relationship with us are the ones who became our "close Christian Friends" less than 10 years ago. They have no knowledge or experience of daughter-difficult child's behavior during "the early years." Thinking about it... their philosophy has been that living the wild life is a young adult's God-given right... at the parent's expense. Hey! Now that I think of it... most of their "adult" children are far from living bright and shiny sucessful lives. That perspective helps! One of those "friends less than 10 years" couples told us they "still love" us and "are praying for" us... they "don't want to discuss anything," they've "already heard (daughter-difficult child)'s side and don't want to be put in the middle." ...We're praying for all of them... and trying as best as we know to walk with love and forgiveness in our hearts for those "friends" and their families by whom we are feeling tremendously betrayed. We had the tangible reality of 10 truly beautiful years (the middle years) of a truly close loving relationship the whole family had with daughter-difficult child!!! Those years it seems (in hindsight) her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) was in remission. We're hopeful it will go in remission again... We continue to hold out hope for healing and relationship restoration... We're holding tightly to God's promises... trying our best to follow His direction... and trying to repent quickly when "feelings of unforgiveness" try to mess with our concrete decision to extend forgiveness to all who have hurt us. Unforgiveness can be an emotion... Forgiveness is not an emotion! Forgiveness is a decision!!!!! We have made the decision to forgive and daily we're steadliy doing our best to walk it out. Hope hurts, I never realized how painful hope could be... but for today... I'm going to do it anyway! [/QUOTE]
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