Dr. Phil's Family - on addiction today
- Thread starter Nancy
- Start date
Mama Raygun
New Member
I missed it too, I love dr. Phill especially his views on addiction. Feel free to ask me any ?'s you have about the whole addiction/ rehab process. I am more than happy to help someone what it feels like to be in that awful situation.
Hi Mama,
I have been wanting to ask you this from the first time I saw you post. I see you are a vet tech. My difficult child works in an animal hospital and has wanted to be a vet tech for years. Of course she flunked out and got suspended from two colleges because of her drinking problem. I know I read that you have tatoos. Was it hard finding jobs as a vet tech with them? difficult child has several and one rather large one on the inside of her forearm.
I am glad you are here, you will be a good source of information for us.
Nancy
I have been wanting to ask you this from the first time I saw you post. I see you are a vet tech. My difficult child works in an animal hospital and has wanted to be a vet tech for years. Of course she flunked out and got suspended from two colleges because of her drinking problem. I know I read that you have tatoos. Was it hard finding jobs as a vet tech with them? difficult child has several and one rather large one on the inside of her forearm.
I am glad you are here, you will be a good source of information for us.
Nancy
Calamity Jane
Well-Known Member
Mama,
My son is in a death spiral with his drug using friends, who for some reason, he is absolutely devoted to. I don't think he can imagine life without them. I think for young people, the peer thing is just so strong, and they are a negative but powerful influence on each other. How did you manage to give up your so-called friends?
My son is in a death spiral with his drug using friends, who for some reason, he is absolutely devoted to. I don't think he can imagine life without them. I think for young people, the peer thing is just so strong, and they are a negative but powerful influence on each other. How did you manage to give up your so-called friends?
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I dvr all the new dr phil shows now. He is doing a ton of addictions these days. Also he just did one on that father who we all now think killed his wife and just took his two little boys into his home and exploded it right after the grandmother dropped them off with him. She saw the house explode. It was a murder suicide. I cannot imagine seeing a house exploding and knowing my grandkids were in there burning up. Horrible.
Mama Raygun
New Member
Nancy, No I never had any issues with my tattoos at work. Infact alot of people in the field have them, doctors included. I think the field is alot more laxed than the human medical field.
Mama Raygun
New Member
By the time I finally hit bottom most people I ran with were either in jail, dead, or had gotten clean. Probably your son will eventually lose some of those friends just because people in active addiction tend to rip each other off and stab each other in the back. When I look back now at the people I associated with and considered my 'best friends' it makes me sick.
Tiredof33
Active Member
Thank you Mama Raygun for joining the group. My son started using at an early age, in program after program, in jail blah, blah, blah, same ole stuff, it's like the drugs turn them into clones of each other.
He was clean and sober from 32 to 33 and now has relapsed. I had to call the police to get girlie under control and he is now homeless, with no job. I go from being worried to not ever wanting to see him again.
You do give us a shred of hope that they can turn their lives around!!!
He was clean and sober from 32 to 33 and now has relapsed. I had to call the police to get girlie under control and he is now homeless, with no job. I go from being worried to not ever wanting to see him again.
You do give us a shred of hope that they can turn their lives around!!!
Calamity Jane
Well-Known Member
Mama Raygun,
Thanks for answering my question about peers. I was also wondering what you think of the "tough love" and "detachment" approaches most of us have such a hard time with? Based on your experience, did your turnaround have anything to do with your family holding on to their bottom line - or did it just evolve from your own insight? I feel like my son thinks we're mean, but we're actually doing what we can to correct him out of love, not mean-spiritedness. I don't know if people in active addiction see the distinction.
Thanks for answering my question about peers. I was also wondering what you think of the "tough love" and "detachment" approaches most of us have such a hard time with? Based on your experience, did your turnaround have anything to do with your family holding on to their bottom line - or did it just evolve from your own insight? I feel like my son thinks we're mean, but we're actually doing what we can to correct him out of love, not mean-spiritedness. I don't know if people in active addiction see the distinction.
Mama Raygun
New Member
Jane,
I absolutely believe you HAVE to give them tough love! No addict is gonna decide to get clean if they are kept comfortable. If you provide them with money, housing, and bail them out of trouble they won't hit bottom. And unfortunately you can't trust a word they say. Your not dealing w your 'son' anymore because when full blown addiction takes over that's not him anymore. I don't know your exact situation if your difficult child is a full blown, using everyday to not get sick addict, or someone who is partying way too much,being irresponsible and heading down a bad road. Honestly I think the full blown addict is more likely to get to the point of being so sick and tired of the misery that they finally surrender. If using is still " fun & exciting" to them it's gonna be almost impossible to change their mind. It's very unfortunate but I honestly believe wanting to change your life has to be a decision that the addict comes to on his own. All thru my teens my mom threatened, called cops, made me do rehabs and all that stuff, and not one thing made any impact at all because I was still in my " rockstar" phase. Don't get me wrong I felt guilty and bad that I was hurting her but her will couldn't change me. It wasn't until I was so bad off, overdosed 3 times, lost my car and possesions, had my son staying with my mom, that I wanted it to be over, and even then I couldn't stop. That was the scariest part really wanting with all my heart to stop and not be able to. So as far as tough love goes, definitely don't do anything that makes them comfortable or supports them financially. Now detachment on the other hand... I don't believe it's possible for a mom to really detach from their child no matter what they do. At the end when I was really bad my mom didn't give me money or rides or anything but she also didn't completely shut me out. We still spoke and I was still welcome to go to their home to see my kid and for holidays and stuff. Of course it usually ended up with us arguing but still I knew she loved me and was scared for me. I dont think it would help the addict if the parent like completely disowned them, I actually think that would give them another reason to use, it would reinforce all the terrible thoughts they already have about themselves. That day I finally surrenderd and checked myself into the psychiatric ward it was my mom I called, and she drove me and waited with me. I think a good saying to sum all that up is something they say all the time on Intervention, tell your difficult child there is nothing in the world I won't do to help you get better, but there is nothing I will do to help you stay.
I absolutely believe you HAVE to give them tough love! No addict is gonna decide to get clean if they are kept comfortable. If you provide them with money, housing, and bail them out of trouble they won't hit bottom. And unfortunately you can't trust a word they say. Your not dealing w your 'son' anymore because when full blown addiction takes over that's not him anymore. I don't know your exact situation if your difficult child is a full blown, using everyday to not get sick addict, or someone who is partying way too much,being irresponsible and heading down a bad road. Honestly I think the full blown addict is more likely to get to the point of being so sick and tired of the misery that they finally surrender. If using is still " fun & exciting" to them it's gonna be almost impossible to change their mind. It's very unfortunate but I honestly believe wanting to change your life has to be a decision that the addict comes to on his own. All thru my teens my mom threatened, called cops, made me do rehabs and all that stuff, and not one thing made any impact at all because I was still in my " rockstar" phase. Don't get me wrong I felt guilty and bad that I was hurting her but her will couldn't change me. It wasn't until I was so bad off, overdosed 3 times, lost my car and possesions, had my son staying with my mom, that I wanted it to be over, and even then I couldn't stop. That was the scariest part really wanting with all my heart to stop and not be able to. So as far as tough love goes, definitely don't do anything that makes them comfortable or supports them financially. Now detachment on the other hand... I don't believe it's possible for a mom to really detach from their child no matter what they do. At the end when I was really bad my mom didn't give me money or rides or anything but she also didn't completely shut me out. We still spoke and I was still welcome to go to their home to see my kid and for holidays and stuff. Of course it usually ended up with us arguing but still I knew she loved me and was scared for me. I dont think it would help the addict if the parent like completely disowned them, I actually think that would give them another reason to use, it would reinforce all the terrible thoughts they already have about themselves. That day I finally surrenderd and checked myself into the psychiatric ward it was my mom I called, and she drove me and waited with me. I think a good saying to sum all that up is something they say all the time on Intervention, tell your difficult child there is nothing in the world I won't do to help you get better, but there is nothing I will do to help you stay.
T
toughlovin
Guest
MaMa Raygun,
Thank you so much for saying that. It is just what i needed to hear tonight. I am staying strong.
TL
Thank you so much for saying that. It is just what i needed to hear tonight. I am staying strong.
TL
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I watch Intervention a lot because I think it can be useful if you even have issues with simply dealing with out of control people in your life and you need to learn how to stand up for your self. I like their saying about how you are only as well as your sickest family member. And also, I will love you but I wont love you to death.
Recently they have been offering the parents some time at the Betty Ford Clinic to learn how to break the codependency issues going on so they get well too. I think that is wonderful. I wonder if they have any information online from the Betty Ford Clinic that parents can access to read? That could be useful.
Recently they have been offering the parents some time at the Betty Ford Clinic to learn how to break the codependency issues going on so they get well too. I think that is wonderful. I wonder if they have any information online from the Betty Ford Clinic that parents can access to read? That could be useful.
Calamity Jane
Well-Known Member
Thanks Mama Raygun. Well said.
Mama,
I'm not sure you can answer this but it's been on my mind for a long time. When you were using was there ever a time when you were with someone you knew was in recovery and trying to stay clean/sober and you used with them? What were your thoughts about this? I hope this isn't too personal and there is no judgement in my question at all.
Nancy
I'm not sure you can answer this but it's been on my mind for a long time. When you were using was there ever a time when you were with someone you knew was in recovery and trying to stay clean/sober and you used with them? What were your thoughts about this? I hope this isn't too personal and there is no judgement in my question at all.
Nancy
Mama Raygun
New Member
Nancy,
I can't think of a situation like that personally. But I would imagine that while an addict might feel bad or guilty in that situation, that they wouldn't turn down a free high. I think for the most part that even tho it seems like the addict has no remorse or guilt for the shady things they do, a lot of them feel awful for the lying, cheating, stealing that goes along with using. in fact the guilt and low self image that results from the things they have done to loved ones keeps them sick and using. While I never stole money from my parents during active addiction I did steal their medications, and I had overwhelming guilt and embarrassment each time but I still kept doing it. It's a sick cycle, hard to understand and hard to stop. Hope that sort of answered your ?.
I can't think of a situation like that personally. But I would imagine that while an addict might feel bad or guilty in that situation, that they wouldn't turn down a free high. I think for the most part that even tho it seems like the addict has no remorse or guilt for the shady things they do, a lot of them feel awful for the lying, cheating, stealing that goes along with using. in fact the guilt and low self image that results from the things they have done to loved ones keeps them sick and using. While I never stole money from my parents during active addiction I did steal their medications, and I had overwhelming guilt and embarrassment each time but I still kept doing it. It's a sick cycle, hard to understand and hard to stop. Hope that sort of answered your ?.
