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Dr. Riley checking in to Early Childhood Zone
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<blockquote data-quote="ch574" data-source="post: 253834" data-attributes="member: 6994"><p>Dr. Riley -</p><p> </p><p>I am new to this world, as my 4.5 year old son was diagnosed as ODD/ADHD less than a month ago. I will be buying BOTH of your books tomorrow, as I have yet to be able to find anything that feels like it deals specifically with ODD as it might relate to young children... or anything that feels like it offers a hopeful outcome (anything other than the idea that I'm destined for full-blown conduct disorder down the road...).</p><p> </p><p>Based on what you said above, I'm trying to decide if I think my child is oppositional or explosive, and I hoping you might explain what "remorse" looks like in a 4 year old? I logged on this evening to see if anyone had any suggestions about how to handle an explosion on a young peer. She pushed my son's button, he exploded (verbally... never physically), and she disolved into tears because he "hurt her feelings." He bolted out of the house (we were in the process of leaving), and once we were in the car, I caught his eye and said, "You really hurt S's feelings with that yelling." He just closed his eyes and turned his head to the side of his car seat and didn't say anything more on the whole ride home. I dropped it altogether because I'm at a complete loss as to the best way to handle this whole thing.</p><p> </p><p>So, I'm curious... what does remorse look like in a 4 year old? Is it an immediate display of sadness that he's caused someone pain, or is it delayed until the "fog of frustration" lifts? If they're oppositional (and not remorseful), would they continue the behavior, or just try to forget about it altogether? And is it possible to see signs of both? I think my son tends to be oppositional with me and my husband, but explosive on everyone else. Does that make sense?</p><p> </p><p>Also - do your books offer suggestions on how to handle peer-to-peer explosions? I'm at a complete loss as to how to best explain my son's behavior to his little friends. I can barely explain it to my friends. This morning one of his friends wanted to tell him a story, and he shut his eyes, held up his hand, and screamed, "Don't TALK to me while I have food in my mouth." She was crushed, and I was stumped. I used to feel so confident when I handled my son's misbehavior... now I feel like my aggressive "handling" of it only makes things worse. And the unexpected factor of some of these explosions doesn't always allow for me to think through the best solution.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks SO much for making an appearance here and sharing your expertise!!</p><p> </p><p>~CH~</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ch574, post: 253834, member: 6994"] Dr. Riley - I am new to this world, as my 4.5 year old son was diagnosed as ODD/ADHD less than a month ago. I will be buying BOTH of your books tomorrow, as I have yet to be able to find anything that feels like it deals specifically with ODD as it might relate to young children... or anything that feels like it offers a hopeful outcome (anything other than the idea that I'm destined for full-blown conduct disorder down the road...). Based on what you said above, I'm trying to decide if I think my child is oppositional or explosive, and I hoping you might explain what "remorse" looks like in a 4 year old? I logged on this evening to see if anyone had any suggestions about how to handle an explosion on a young peer. She pushed my son's button, he exploded (verbally... never physically), and she disolved into tears because he "hurt her feelings." He bolted out of the house (we were in the process of leaving), and once we were in the car, I caught his eye and said, "You really hurt S's feelings with that yelling." He just closed his eyes and turned his head to the side of his car seat and didn't say anything more on the whole ride home. I dropped it altogether because I'm at a complete loss as to the best way to handle this whole thing. So, I'm curious... what does remorse look like in a 4 year old? Is it an immediate display of sadness that he's caused someone pain, or is it delayed until the "fog of frustration" lifts? If they're oppositional (and not remorseful), would they continue the behavior, or just try to forget about it altogether? And is it possible to see signs of both? I think my son tends to be oppositional with me and my husband, but explosive on everyone else. Does that make sense? Also - do your books offer suggestions on how to handle peer-to-peer explosions? I'm at a complete loss as to how to best explain my son's behavior to his little friends. I can barely explain it to my friends. This morning one of his friends wanted to tell him a story, and he shut his eyes, held up his hand, and screamed, "Don't TALK to me while I have food in my mouth." She was crushed, and I was stumped. I used to feel so confident when I handled my son's misbehavior... now I feel like my aggressive "handling" of it only makes things worse. And the unexpected factor of some of these explosions doesn't always allow for me to think through the best solution. Thanks SO much for making an appearance here and sharing your expertise!! ~CH~ [/QUOTE]
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