Driving

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Dec 23, 2006.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This has been an on going touchy subject since T turned 16. I couldn't begin to count the number of heated arguements on this subject. T just can't or won't accept that he doesn't have the physical capability to drive. Not only is he legally blind, his perifrial (can't spell tonite) vision is nearly gone too.

    The is the kid who can't judge when it's safe to cross a street. Who can't ride his bike without distroying it from constant wrecking and running into things.

    It's not like we haven't tried our darndest to make it happen for him. But the loss of the perifrial vision was the cincher. We've consulted specialist, we've consulted the agentcies that offer services to the visually impaired. No go. No way he can pass the vision part of the test. And none of their equipment will accomodate for him.

    Tonight I reminded T of that.

    He says," All you ever tell me is what I can't do."

    Excuse me? The boy has to be autistic to be able to say that to me with a straight face and mean it. I've done nothing his whole life but tell him he can do anything if he really wants to. Just this one thing didn't work out that way.

    And he should know by now that if I could, I would do anything to change it so he could drive. :frown:

    I'm not mad at him. Just feel crummy for him.

    But tonite I refused to open those old wounds again. I told him if he wants to try, there was no one to stop him. I just didn't want him to get thru part way, get his hopes up like always, only to have them shot down again. But if he wants to pay for the permit, and can manage to find someone who will teach him........ NOT my car. (it's my lifeline I waited 20 yrs to get) Maybe he can convince sister in law to teach him. Although I doubt anyone who has seen him ride a bike would consider it.

    But I think the vision test and written test comes before they let you actually have the driving permit. I hope so as it costs 40.00. So he may never even make it behind the wheel.

    Oh, well. I guess he got the *I have to learn it the hard way* gene just like his sisters. *sigh* He's just going to be a mess again when it doesn't happen.
     
  2. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/11-24g.gif Here is my interpretation of lots of warrior moms before us and many who will come after us giving you strength.

    All you can do is guide him. Maybe he needs to hear it from the DMV person behind the counter. Maybe he needs to go through the process and be turned down :wildone:

    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/11-24g.gif more detaching skills being sent :smile:
     
  3. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    It's good to see him have some initiative and gumption. Let the powers that be tell him he can't drive.
    He obviously doesn't believe you. No way would I let him behind the wheel unless it's an empty parking lot in one of those training cars that has a brake on the passenger side too.
     
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Lisa, will T be taking driver ed in school? I'm with Fran about the training vehicles/double brakes/empty parking lot idea. I wouldn't want to be at risk or anyone else for that matter. T's school obviously knows about his vision problems so would be forewarned. And private driving school programs use those special cars too, of course. Any chance you could arrange that to keep everyone safe?

    *Edited---oh DUH! T's out of school. lol! Anyway, I still vote for private driving school lessons instead of personal vehicles and untrained teachers!*

    Suz
     
  5. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    in Ohio, yes, you need to get the temps first before driving. Unfortunately I'm not familiar with the requirements after that for someone over 18. For under 18 you need to have taken so many hours of class time and have so many hours driving with a professional. Temps for at least 6 months before taking the test for your license.

    If he's not taking driver's ed through a school, I'd say he needs to sign himself up with a driving school (for under 18 year olds, the cost is around $350). Let them, and not family, be the ones to tell him whether he'll be able to pass the test or not.
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I understand the use an empty parking lot sentiment. lol That is the method sister in law uses. We have a huge state park right out of town. He uses their huge parking lots that are always empty and there is hardly any traffic on their roads.

    Skeeter I know the requirements for adults. It's nada. All they have to do is buy the permit, pass the written, driving, and vision exams. We did it with stepgfg while she was with us. And easy child got her license at 19.

    I do like the idea of the driving school. I'd forgotten about that. In this area the kids take it thru AAA. I'll talk to T about it. Hopefully I can convince him it would be an easier and safer way to learn. The cost of the AAA program is why easy child waited til 19 to get her license and N is waiting til her 18th birthday.

    Lmao The cost may be the biggest deterrent. T was just telling me again how he can't save money. :rofl:

    I've detached. If T wants to try to learn he'll make it happen. When the disappointment comes he is old enough to handle it.

    But I think I've figured out where this new zeal is coming from. People he works with have been telling him they see no reason he can't drive. Now this is based on the fact he can run a computerized cash register. One guy supposedly told T his vision is much worse than his. (doubt it bud) And he drives. And the stupid managers have been sending the boy out for carts again. Grrrr. So T will be making yet another trip to the eye docs for a letter stating he can't do that sort of thing. Parking lots are dangerous for this kid, too many cars moving in different directions. He was hired with the understanding he isn't able to do that part of the job. But everytime they get new managers, he has to fight them on it again. :mad:

    Ignorance may be the death of this boy. :hammer:
     
  7. kris

    kris New Member

    <font color="purple">lisa, to even get his permit he has to take the vision test. can he pass that?? wouldn't his visual deficits show up? he would certainly be required to tell them he's legally blind, wouldn't he???

    you have been amazing about always encouraging him to reach for whatever he wants to do, but i agree with-you. this one is just out of his reach. it's certainly harder when he has coworkers encouraging him to get his license. &lt;sigh&gt;

    kris /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/11-24c.gif </font>
     
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I think Fran has it right. When he goes down for the test the first thing they will do is check his eyesight. Let them explain it to him. And just in case they're crazy enough to tell him yes, make arrangements about gas and insurance before you go.
     
  9. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I just went through the permit with easy child 4 mths ago. The eye test is the first thing done here in Ala. I would call the dmv and speak to the testing officer and explain the situation. Maybe you won't need to waste the money and He will have the officer tell him no he can't drive, not you
     
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I just double checked with easy child on the driving test. And yes, here he has to take the vision exam first.
    So, soon as I can manage it, if he asks again, we'll go out and see what they say. (Right now we're working with just one car.)

    I ought to make him walk in to the DMV with his cane and see how fast they turn him down. :smirk: :rofl:
     
  11. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    [ QUOTE ]
    I ought to make him walk in to the DMV with his cane and see how fast they turn him down.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Lisa, you have a truly *evil* streak, and certainly an evil sense of humor. Did you know that? No wonder I've always liked you. :rofl:

    Suz
     
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    :rofl:

    But hey, if ya can't laugh...... :smirk:
     
  13. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    You are absolutely right. A sense of humor (and my dogs) is the only thing that has kept my head afloat the last few years.

    Suz
     
  14. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Finding out if he even can pass the vision test is the first step. It sounds like he won't. So that SHOULD be the end of his bugging you. But I know with difficult child's that it won't be.

    Even with good vision, Melissa got her license and had an accident just two months after getting it. She rear ended a car with an 8-month pregnant lady. Lucky Melissa wasn't sued. Hmmm...what is the statute of limitations for this lady to file? This happened almost 5 years ago.

    Hugs,
    Sue
     
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