Dude attacked in foster home....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Jun 4, 2009.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I got a call at 1:00 last night....foster dad said that our son was sleeping at the neighbors because the police had to be called.

    Okay WHOT? I was sick as a dog - DF took the call.

    Said they didn't really know what was going on - but their neighbor had called the cops on THEM (foster parents) because ....and didn't know why.


    THe neighbor called us not too long after we hung up from the fosters and she said that yes, she called the cops because the stuff they were doing to Dude was absurd and someone needed to be called. Then Dude got on the phone with me - he was crying and barking and moaning and telling me he was so scared....he was going to flip....he was so scared.

    I dunno - I thought maybe he hurt someone - and was hiding -

    Details at this point are sketchy and the foster Dad for SURE is not telling all the story - but what I gather is that Dude was swearing in front of the Mom - and the daughter (25/289 lbs) choked him and threw him to the floor twice - then started to do it again - and DUde said he would punch her - she said "Go ahead - I'm a girl -a nd you're 18"......

    Then the son - upon finding out that the neighbor was cursing at his Mother in the road proceeded to kick, punch the windows, and hit and punch Dudes car. WTH/

    But of course no one tells us this - So I called them on it - told them at this point the only ones that could be arrested are HIS kids - and that my kid called me at 1:00 AM afraid to go home because of his kids threatening to kill him. That he better watch his back - that he'd be getting his.

    FOster dad called the caseworker - caseworker said DUde is out if he doesn't go back tot he house.

    Wondering if the caseworker got the call....or if he got the abridged version where his 23, 25 and 28 year old kids do nothing to my 18 year old?

    They said this was all over cursing......ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU are a THERAPEUTIC Foster home - and your kids have lived and grown up with foster kids - and THIS is how they solve conflict? By beating on my kid?

    I can't find Dude - We made the foster dad PROMISE to tell DUde's boss where he was for work - Boss just came in the office, asked where my kid was = I told him a little of what was going on - and he said - the foster dad opened the door this morning - said he had no idea where dude was and slammed the door in his face.

    THe man went home - the foster dad remembered he promised to call - and he said he thought DUde MAY be next door - gave the number and said that she is crazy neighbor, bi polar and a liar. EMphasis on crazy bipolar woman.

    She didn't sound too crazy to me when she called me after callign the police for what she heard and saw happen to DUde.....

    I'm just sick......caseworker said they are going to drop dude.....

    DF said "OH REALLY - let's see how THAT goes with an investigation into abuse by two adult children living in the home choking this kid, tearing up his clothes and drawing on them....and punching and kicking his car.

    Any suggestions at this point would be appreciated.....

    I cant find Dude, but I told the foster dad that his kids probably set my sons progress back 10 years after they ALLOWED him to be choked and have his stuff destroyed - because of cursing - not AT anyone ....just cursing. Then he added that cursing does make his kids crazy and that he would smack them in the mouth if they cursed when they were little...

    I dont' know whether to see if DUde wants to let this blow over - or if the caseeworkers need to find him immediate temp. shelter.....or what.

    Part of me wants to jump in and have these kids brought up on charges - the other half thinks this is life in the ghetto.

    Just sad - no one should ever hurt your kid. FInally the Foster dad said he was ashamed of his kids behavior. I said nothing. THis is nuts.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Star, I'm so sorry. Have you gotten in touch with Dude yet? Is he OK? Sending good thoughts and lots of prayers.
  3. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    I am so sorry to hear this! Please update us as you can, I hope Dude is okay. Hugs to you,
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Oh, I am so sorry.
    Am rushing for an apt...will read more later.
    Over cussing? Wow...too weird...too sad.
    Please update when you are able.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Star, I'm literally sick. People want their kids in foster care because the parents have to go through licensing and they feel they have had training and know things we don't know, and will not be abusive.

    I was a "therapeutic" foster mother. I had never been given any training. Hub and I got that dubious title only because we were willing to take in special needs children. Half the kids we got had been abused in their foster homes from physical to mental to sexual to all three. I would report them, even if you don't know the entire story (and probably never will). I believe that they were abusing your son. I've met some great foster parents and I've met some that scare me. (((Hugs)))
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I guess my first question is.. what do the police say, since they were called to the scene? Did they file a report? Perhaps they are your best "impartial" source right now. I don't know what the police are like in your area, so I put that in quotes... hopefully they are of the helpful variety.

    I would also the caseworker to hold off on any decision of "dropping" until all the "he said/she said" is sorted out. Do your best to calmly ask her to not jump to conclusions just yet... let's all sit down and talk about this. A temporary alternative placement is probably best if Dude doesn't feel safe where he is.. but obviously this needs to be sorted out QUICKLY.
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    :holymoly: I hope the real story gets told to the powers that be and Dude can get pulled out of that hellhole and placed in a more sane environment. HTH can people like that be approved as a foster family???!!! Makes no sense at all. That fact that ANYONE laid hands on him should be grounds for filing a formal complaint or charges with the authorities. Doesn't matter if he was mouthing off. THEY assaulted and battered HIM.

  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    What a mess, Star. I hope that he will be found soon and that there will be some quick arrangements made for him.
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hey Star, I'm so sorry. Let us know when you locate Dude - sending hugs.
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Star---please contact the police and your local DSS head haunch o----these people do not need to have anyone else's kids living with them.
  11. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm so sorry... Have you found Dude yet? The entire situation just makes me so angry and sad at the same time... I don't have any good advice at the moment. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and Dude and praying he is ok. Sending lots of hugs... WFEN

    Please update when you can.
  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I hope you've had some luck sorting this out. I think Crazy is right on the money about suggesting you talk to the police to see/hear their report and then getting a temporary placement for Dude.

    Good grief, what a mess.

  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Star -

    I am SOOO sorry that Dude had to endure this. I wonder how much abuse he has been forced to hide. Also wonder if fosters had any part in his not going to school.

    right now you need to CALL THE POLICE. You need to see the police report and file abuse/assault charges on the adult children and on the foster adults (I just cannot call them parents. Just. Cannot.

    You need to put the agency that controls services on notice that you will hold THEM accountable for the abuse if they don't support dude. You also need to call the agency that certifies or approves foster parents and report the foster adults.

    Please let Dude know how much I am proud of him for making all kinds of great progress while dealing with this family.

    I hope that dude doesn't have any serious injuries.
  14. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Hey Star - Have you found Dude yet? I am sorry for what has happened. ILt does seem that the police should be involved. You s houldnt have to carry this burden alone. Let us know.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It is way too easy to be approved as a foster family. One seven year old boy we had was repeatedly sexually abused by his foster mother of two years and he never told anyone because she said nobody would believe him. We were the ones who had to turn them in. A lot of foster parents just plain aren't good parents at all. Many kids are sexually abused in foster care.
  16. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Please. Let's be careful not to bash foster parents as a whole. My ex and I were foster parents and there are many others on this board who are/were also. Just like any kind of population there are good and bad.

    Feel free to bash Dude's foster parents specifically though. They are obviously ridiculously incompetent parents.

  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Have you found him yet?

    Why is dude still in a foster home anyway? Isnt he 18 already? At this point I think I would just pull him and get him into some sort of cheap apartment. He is old enough now.
  18. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I feel so sickened reading this.
    Dude, I am so sorry for the way these people are treating you. Most animals are treated with more respect.
    How can you learn to respect without seeing and being treated with respect?

    Our society is so wrong at times.
  19. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I have an issue with this. These foster parents need to be held accountable, their adult children need to be held accountable for their actions. Ok, so maybe their adult kids lost control. So? Why didn't the parents step in and put a stop to it? Why didn't foster dad call the cops on his out of control kids?

    Dude did not need this. Makes my heart ache that he was once again treated this way by people he was supposed to trust. Also makes me livid.:mad:

    Must've been mighty bad for the neighbor to step in and make that call.

    What about the next kid in their custody? (shudder at the thought)

    Saying a prayer for Dude. I hope you find him soon. I pray with all my heart this doesn't set back the progress he has made.

    Please keep us updated.

  20. ML

    ML Guest

    I hope that by now you have made some progress, found dude and that these jerks are about to face what they have done to our dude. I am horrified to think of what he's endured by these awful people. Looking forward to an update soon. Love, ML