DUH!!!!! children's Services

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by maniacmansion, Nov 26, 2007.

  1. maniacmansion

    maniacmansion New Member

    alright, Children Services Board (CSB) was supposed to be here at 10:00am. I called them at 8:00am to let them know that K has got chicken pox, just in case the worker had never had them. she said "no problem, I've already had them." Cool. At 10 she called to say she'd be a half hour late--no biggie. Now you have to remember that I had already told her that the boys would be at school & not at home, she gets here talks for a few & says I'll have to come back around 4:00pm, because all the kids aren't here. I asked why she didn't just make the original apt. for when they'd be here. Her answer-----"How was I supposed to know your kids would be at school?" Uh, because I had told you that when you called me last week to set up the apt.? or because you already have a list of their names & ages & what schools they attend.? She doesn't like my animals. I locked the dog up for her, the cats were locked in my room asleep with hubby, & all rodents were in their nice clean cages. She said there was an animal smell. I thought maybe I just couldn't smell it because I was used to it or something so I asked my non-animal owning neighbor to come in & tell me if she could smell anything (after Children Services Board (CSB) left). She said all she could smell was a slight flowery smell--probally my air freshener--I love the lavender withOUT vanilla one. My neighbor would have had no problem with telling me if she could smell anything, if anything she's to honest.

    Oh----I had asked her to bring me some info on putting C(difficult child) in foster care because he's getting to the point that I can't physically restrain him any more & he's dangerous. She said that she didn't bring me anything because he can't be put in foster care. He can do respite care, but only for 1 week & only if they can find a person willing to take him that doesn't have any kids in the home that're smaller than him. He's 5'4" & 165pounds. Any ideas? He wants to kill or beat the bejeezies out of T & E. They're 6&4 & both weigh about 40 pounds.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I don't have any ideas for placement in regard to foster care; maybe others here will.
    But that Children Services Board (CSB) sounds a bit like a loser, in my humble opinion.
    I'd consider letting all the animals loose the next time she shows up!
    Wish I had more to offer, but I'm sending cyber support and strength. (And a sense of humor, too.)

    :hammer: :rofl: :coffee:
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'd call the supervisor and explain the situation with your 11 YO. CPS wants to do as little as possible -- they just don't have the funds. If talking to the supervisor gets no help, then you may have to take drastic steps.

    Your little ones are in danger and that needs to be addressed. You may have to file a CHINS (child in need of services) and get the court to order foster care or Residential Treatment Center (RTC). CPS will probably demand that you relinquish all parental rights if this happens. Don't let them bully you into this. They can't legally force you to give up all rights to your son.

    The tragic thing is that many social workers will do anything to keep a child who is not abused out of the system, up to and including threatening removal of all children from the home so that you'll keep the one who is the problem. I hope you ultimately find a social worker who will work with you (social workers usually switch depending on what is going on legally -- the one who does the initial studies is rarely the one who is there when you go to court, etc.) and who understands how hard you are trying to save everyone. If you can find that, many doors will be opened for you.

    I hope things work out well for you.
  4. April

    April New Member

    What state are you in? I ask because in our state (IN) once a child is out of the home for 15 months (regardless of reason) the state automatically starts the termination proceedings.

    You should certainly work your way up the DCS ladder until you get someone who knows what they are doing. I would also suggest that you speak to a custody attorney, they usually will do an initial consult at no charge, and they can usually help you manuver the system better.

    Just remember you aren't alone...I have 2 foster kids whose case manager verbally attacks my husband regularly, but doesn't respond when we ask questions regarding the kids welfare.

    DCS in my experience and opinion stinks, but they are a necessary evil. Just keep jumping through the hoops, and remember that your little ones are in danger. This isn't about just your difficult child anymore.

    Sending you hugs and support! Keep your mind and your heart in the right place!
  5. maniacmansion

    maniacmansion New Member


    She came back & met the boys. She told him the same stuff he's been told for years now(write stuff down, take a walk, all the same stuff they always tell him). He said "I will." She got that self congratulating smile & said to call the lady in charge of respite care. I called & left a voice mail message. She told me that he's not that dangerous because he hasn't seriously hurt the little ones yet. Does anybody even listen to themselves talk? I'm always getting told "He hasn't hurt the little ones yet." YET!!!!!!!!!! I don't want it to happen at all! Just frustrated.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sure that Children Services Board (CSB) workers have protocol that they have to go through in order to place a child in foster care. The requirement would be that you are unable to control this child and have done everything in your power. You don't give any description of what you have tried with your son. Where did you get the diagnosis, and how was it done? Is he in weekly/monthly/daily therapy? What types of therapy does he participate in, if any? Does the family also see a therapist? Has he ever been hospitalized or otherwise placed in a residential treatment facility? Does he have an IEP? Have you ever had to call the police on him in order to protect yourself or your children? Has he ever assaulted anyone at school or otherwise away from home?

    You know the whole story here, so we're kind of jumping into the middle of your situation. Foster care is the absolute last resort. I can't imagine that they are going to take your son for more than a week as "respite" care. Usually respite care is just an hour or so a week so you can gather your thoughts, isn't it?

    Maybe I'm missing something, but it seems to me that you are more at the beginning of your journey with your son than at the end of it. What are you all able to do in order to get a handle on this situation? He is your son and you have seven more years of him in your home. Your Children Services Board (CSB) worker is telling you to protect your other children and help your difficult child's emotional growth. You can't depend upon the state to take your son off your hands at this point.
  7. maniacmansion

    maniacmansion New Member

    Sorry I tend to forget that people can't just read my mind & just assume they know as much of the story as I do. He's been in counsling for years. I've called the cops on him about 2-3dozen times this year. He got the bipolar+ODD diagnosis when he spent 5 days in the temporary in-treatment facility. I'm not sure how the respite care here works. The lady from Children Services Board (CSB) told me it would be 1 week IF they could even find a place for him. I have a call in to the person who handles it, I just have to wait(I'm not the best at waiting). The reason I don't want him in the house is because he is almost to big for me to physically restrain. The courts keep saying there's nothing we can do until he's 12. You're right--I probally am closer to the beginning of the journey than the end. He has a court date tommorrow to plead to disorderly conduct--down from domestic violence. He also has new dv charges as of Monday. He hasn't been violent with anybody from school yet, but he has had some pretty bad behavior issues.
  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! I'm a little confused as well. From what I've been reading, bipolar is really tough to diagnose with a lot of the kids (I have no experience with this diagnosis so bear with me). I've also seen a lot written by the parents here that indicate that different medications can mess up kids with different diagnosis's. Have they tried different medications? Could he have been mis-daignosed and the medications making him act worse instead of helping?

    I understand your fears, I just hate to see you regret a move that could be based on medical errors.

    I hope I didn't offend!

  9. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Eeeek. How long till he's 12?
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I understand your frustration. It wasn't long ago that I had the same type of fears regarding my son. I think that you should bear in mind that even if you were to eventually find foster care for him, the goal would be to return him safely to your home and the state would expect you to actively participate in achieving that goal. There would also be a great deal of scrutiny about your parenting of your other children as well. That's a huge step, and not one that you want to enter into lightly.

    Good luck!
  11. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Ok, I have two kids in placement. They both came about because of actually harming multiple children including easy child. This was an awful experience. We battle with DHS (as it is called in my state) on a regular basis. Even after difficult child 2 sexually abused easy child it was incredibly hard to get him into the system.

    Now that they are in it I have ver few kind words to say. I understand your need to keep your kids safe etc but be aware that if your child goes into the system your life is no longer your own. We did this voluntarily and we are treated very poorly. Probably because we question everything and are very involved (which isn't easy with three children in different places).

    Take what respite offers. See if you can find other alternatives. Keeping yourself and your other kids safe is paramount. Keep calling the police. Can your DA have him adjudicated as juvinile delinquant? That way your options may be more.

    You are faced with hard decisions. None of us knows exactly how hard it is for you. Some of us can understand that it can feel like you are at the end. I know that in my state foster care is the only option for most of the mental health Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s. So I undeerstand your desire if that is what you are looking for.

    I hope you find some peace.