Duh

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Feb 19, 2009.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I guess they wouldn't be difficult children if our kids actually opened their ears and listened to us.:tongue:

    I've been telling Nichole since I was accepted into the LPN program that she had to be moved out by the time I started.

    Lucky for her, I've switched from the spring class which would start the beginning of april to the fall class that starts in sept because she is no where near ready to move out.:ashamed:

    No, I'm not putting it off because of Nichole. I've had the quarter from hades this quarter. I'm over stressed and most of the time I'm exhausted. My brain is giving me issues that are worrying me, both in memory and cognitive issues. Not sure if that's the stress or it's something I need to have checked out. My house is a disaster area and I want time to catch up on severely needed cleaning and organizing before taking on something as demanding as the nursing program.

    AND I am not going to attempt such an intesive program as the LPN with Nichole and Aubrey here. I love Aubrey to death. And her wanting to "help" Nana do "homeworks" is adorable and sweet......and annoying as all get out. When she does that nothing I'm working on sinks in. And she does it from the moment I open my books.

    So, once again I remind Nichole she has to move out by sept. I even gave her the name of a highly reputable low income housing complex. (very nice place and safe)

    Her response is "Geez, Mom are you trying to push me out the door, or what?"

    Me: Yes, dear, I am.

    Nichole: But I can't afford to move out on my own. How will I pay my bills and food and stuff?

    Me: You get a job like other people.

    Nichole: But why can't I stay while you're in the nursing program?

    I procede to again explain about Aubrey. And the fact that I didn't wait until my kids were grown to go back to school to have my grandkids under foot while attempting to study.

    Nichole is taking her National Licensing Test next friday. Once she passes it, she can work anywhere in the country as an EMT, or as a ER Tech, or several other jobs. easy child has told her that the hospital she works at is needing ER techs. There are job openings in several areas for emts.

    I can't tell you how many times we've had this discussion.:mad: This time I added that if she didn't get her arse in gear, she might find herself living with boyfriend at his parents house. Cuz if she isn't in her own place by the week school starts in fall......her stuff will be on the front lawn.

    This time it registered with Nichole. Gee, it only took about 3 dozen times of telling her.

    I'm not doing it to be mean. I'm attempting to make my surroundings as conductive to success as possible. I've done the nursing program, I know how intense it is. Taking a 5 month break before starting it is to prevent self sabotage. If I go into it overstressed, exhausted, overwhelmed like I am now........I won't finish. I know I won't. So I'm going to get my ducks in a row before sept. Because after that my whole life will revolve around school.
     
  2. Kolleen

    Kolleen Guest

    YEAH YOU!!! Remember we (too) are supposed to have a life!!! Having a life means setting boundaries! Way to go taking care of yourself. I'm proud of you!
     
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    We got your back, Lisa! Go all the way!!! Yeah for you~
     
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Lisa, what is your back up plan if she doesn't pass the test? I have a sense that much of her reluctance to go out on her own is fear. Rob used to self-sabotage all the time.....does Nichole?

    Suz
     
  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Lisa, I think you're doing exactly the right thing. My daughter went through nursing school and I know how intense it can be. She graduated HS at 17 and worked full time in a nursing home for a year before she started nursing school. She was the youngest one in her class. I was surprised because I had assumed that they would all mostly be girls her age, but most of them were older. A lot of them had been stay at home moms who decided to go back to school once they had their kids launched. Of the younger ones, most of them were single like my daughter was then, but a few were married and had small kids at home. I honestly don't know how they did it! It seemed to consume 100% of her time for that year she was in school. The classes were in a hospital 60 miles from our house and if she wasn't in class, she was driving to or from school, and was studying far into the night. It was a very intensive, very exhausting year, but it was only ONE year, and you'll have the advantage of having a previous medical background.

    One thing that REALLY helped her was to have a friend to study with. They helped each other and spent hours quizzing each other and using little homemade flash cards. She's been a nurse for 13 years now, and has never been without a good job ever since!
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Suz

    No back up plan. By sept Nichole will be 20, plenty old enough to be out on her own. I know it's fear holding her back. She's terrified. So, I've got to push this birdie from the nest.

    She's got 5 months to pass that test. She can retake it as many times as she needs too. Quite frankly, I'll be surprised if she passes it this first time, although she didn't do bad on the practice one. Didn't seem like she had much time to study for it.

    How she does it is up to her. But by sept it will be a done deal. I've got to draw the line in the sand at some point or this kid will be living with me when Aubrey graduates hs. lol

    And truely, I can't have her here when I'm in nursing school. I wouldn't make it thru the first week with Aubrey underfoot.

    Oh, I thought her exam was next friday........it's tomorrow. So I know she hasn't had enough time to study for it. But she's much smarter than she thinks.......so she just may surprise us both. :)
     
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Maybe it's the nonchalant tone of your post that has raised my shackles a bit, Lisa. Hopefully I've just misread the tone. I guess my point was the importance of a back up plan. I know you won't let Aubrey be homeless so there is a lot at stake here.

    If you aren't in school right now, are you studying with Nichole? Quizzing her? Helping her prep for this exam somehow?

    If you know she is fearful, are you working with her on life skills so that she will feel more confident about being a single Mom, out on her/their own?

    It's all well and good to draw a line in the sand. I'm all for it. I guess I feel concern for Nichole because she is trying and she has come far and I want her to feel good about going out on her own. She's one of our PE difficult children who has worked hard over the years and I want it to be, for her, a positive venture- something to look forward to, not be afraid of.

    Suz
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2009
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I understand your concern Suz. And yes, we're working on her life skills. I didn't mean to make it sound like I'm shoving her out the door. lol

    If it were due to circumstances beyond her control that she couldn't be out in time........then no, I wouldn't let her or Aubrey be homeless. (I'm just not telling her that) We'd adjust.....somehow. We've managed this long. It's just that it's so much harder with Aubrey here.

    And also.......Nichole is very fearful. If she doesn't get pushed, she most likely will never make the leap. She's waiting on boyfriend who has no interest in ever moving from his parents home unless they throw him out.....and who also shows no serious interest in ever moving into a place with Nichole.

    So......I guess you'd say my backup plan is that she'd just stay here and we'd tough it out. But I'd like to see her give it one heck of a try. I think she's ready. But I know she has a horrid fear of being alone. Just now she took Molly into her room to sleep because Aubrey is spending the night at her Dad's.

    That being alone fear is the last biggy. She's overcome the others. She's doing well in school. She bought her own car. She does her own maintenance on her car with sister in law teaching her how. She handles her own bills and appointments, all her school loans and such. Heck, she's more ready than I was when I moved away from home. easy child too for that matter. lol

    But you're right. I won't jeapordize her stability just to make school easier for me. I tend to forget that she has come a very long way in a realively short period of time.

    Hugs
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Has she applied for low income housing? There tends to be a waiting period. She should also put money away for deposits on things like utilities. Here those can be quite high though I have heard through Heather that Ohio is very generous. I may just be moving to Ohio for the utility payments....lol. I think her picture was 13 bucks...my electric bill this month was nearly 400! And I get no help even as a disabled person.
     
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Applying for low income housing is one of our next steps. And yes, ohio is quite generous. Many of the low income places have all utilities included. Especially in our area. If you knew half of what they did for K while she was here you'd faint. She can't get a third of the same services there in Mo.

    And if you move up here......you have to find a way to be at least half way between Heather and me so we can visit all the time. :D lol
     
  11. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Thanks, Lisa.

    This might be a good time to start hunting for a roommate, too. Maybe a "Kate and Allie" kind of housing relationship to help her with not wanting to be alone? Does she already have a female friend or classmate who might be a good fit?

    Suz
     
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