easy child called....... and asked

[Jena]

if her mom and dad (husband her stepdad) could join her and her boyfriend prior to prom with the rest of the families this week coming.

there's a place down the road called the grange we took our wedding pics there it'sa beautiful spot. so their having all the families and kids get together prior to prom to take pics have drinks (non alcoholic)

so i said yes so husband and i will go there on thursday this week coming with difficult child. she asked to come home again yet i said listen we'll talk. i'm just not ready yet.

so, hey at least i'll get to take pics of her. and she didn't want anything she got a job, bought her own dress, shoes and ticket. so she just wants us there.

 

[Steely]

Wow - that is quite positive. That is great that she actually bought her own dress, etc. See what happens when our kids get motivated? Yay.

Again - bringing her home would ruin her momentum, she is on a positive roll that you setting boundaries have brought on - don't let it stop. Kudos.

 

[Jena]

she's not really on a roll lol in her next breath she said how she lost her job lol. she drinks literally all the time i'm not even going there in my mind. i'm just really happy i get to be a mom for an hr. no lectures, upsetment just cool mom junk! love it.

and thanks. i'm soo looking forward to it. she's heading over today for a bit she said she feels a bit lost today and just wanted to eat dinner with me. so i'm gfgless right now i said ok

 

[Steely]

I think that is all OK. She still really is taking care of herself, and that is what is important. I am proud of her. At that age I drank too much, did drugs, lost jobs - but with every trip I learned and re-directed myself. Now this is a easy child we are talking about - which I think your daughter is. PCs have a better way of learning from their mistakes than difficult children - which is good for your situation. If you feel like enabling your easy child now, wait until your difficult child gets to this age. Stay strong and let her learn on her own, she will. The job was to get the dress, she got it, and was done - I am sure that is why she lost her job. When she needs food she will find a new job.

 

[DDD]

The invitation sounds like a positive step. If difficult child isn't doing well perhaps she could spend a few hours with her Dad so you and husband can enjoy the parenting experience. I'm glad she's allowed to attend and that she prepared by herself. Good news. DDD

 

[Jena]

oh my god you guys dinner was great. it was like the old her for just a bit. what a nice experience. if you guys saw this dress...... it's all stained on the bottom, it's her friends' dress apparentley. i learn more ofcourse once i see her.

she put it on, this really pretty kid with this stained and wrinkled dress on i ofcourse told her she was beautiful in it. she said not bad right and it didnt' cost me a thing. i said it's awesome.

so, i said to her i'm passing dry cleaners tmrw want me to drop it for you. she said she had tried yet the one she went to told her it wouldnt' be ready in time.

anyway winds up the job flopped. girl hired her and apparently owner of bagel store hired another kid. so she went in for training for a week, than came in ready to work and they sent her home. they said they'd give her a reference if she needed it.

she's really pushing to return home. she said i dont' want anything from you, yet i've been spending alot of time wtih my new boyfriend she's had him for about 4 mos now, he's a year older attends college. she said i spend time wtih him and his family lately and i realize how ridiculous what i've done is and how i want to be home with-my own family my own mom etc.

so again i said to her i love you, let's get through your prom ok. she than asked if she could get ready here and i could help her wtih her make up and hair. i said yes.

round and round we go. dinner was nice though. dogs were quiet lol. difficult child wasnt' good at all, screamed at easy child a few times. she doesnt' like sharing me with-anyone.

 

[graceupongrace]

Jena, glad you get to experience this milestone with easy child. I have missed out on a number of milestones with difficult child (getting a driver's license, going to prom, etc.) because of his behavior, and it saddens me terribly. But if easy child is drinking all the time, you will just be inviting more chaos into your life if you allow her to move back in. You have done a good job of setting boundaries with her, and I would encourage you to keep those boundaries in place for your sake, as well as for husband and difficult child. You don't need more craziness at this point.

 

[Jena]

i agree. we'll c what happens. she is a mess though, was a good dinner yet a mess. she doesnt' look well at all, wants to come home desperately is begging at this point. we'll c giong to meet with therapist to come up with a viable plan that will work for all.

i'm sorry you too missed out on junk. it is sad your right, we give alot of years time and love to our kids. those moments are what we look forward to and say hey i can't wait for this that and the other to occur than the rest of the bad junk will fall by the wayside for that day, moment etc.

parenting def. isnt' easy all we can do is our best.....

 

[hearts and roses]

Nice to hear about all the good stuff happening with easy child (and you!). I would have wanted to get the dress cleaned as well, lol. Would it be possible to spot clean the stained area?

 

[Jena]

i dropped it at dry cleaners today for her..... husband wanted to buy her a new dress.... i was like oh no here we go lol. she said no thank you i'm good with what i have.

she came over today we're celebrating father's day due to him working yesterday so she bought a thing to highlight her hair so i did it for her. i'm a swollen mess after pulling hair thru a cap for an hr. lol

set up appointment with therapist for next week. her new boyfriend i believe is what is making her open her eyes. he's in college in vermont down for break now. spends alot of time with his family and she with them also. she said he's made me see what a mess i've made of my life and i know he's right.

she says she's ok with rules, yet shes' still got a whole lotta problems. like i said gotta meet with therapist and talk it thru and see where we land. she is begging though to return a.s.a.p. it's kinda hard when your kid does that........ it's the 3rd time now. she's promising she'll do whatever it takes to be a part of here.

we'll c how she reacts to what therapist says to her regarding medications and therapy each week.

 

[donna723]

"she drinks literally all the time i'm not even going there in my mind..."

Jena, have you made plans to address the drinking? Seems like you'd have to have some kind of understanding about that before she comes home. This could be a big part of the problem and if she doesn't get some kind of help with the drinking problem, you'll be right back where you started when(if?) she comes home.

 

[Jena]

donna,

Yes I have to get a little bit of a better understanding of all of it to be honest. she is our child and we do love her and we did tell her ofcourse we'd prefer she be home, it'll allow her the opportunity to get counseling, clean up, etc. and shes really begging now. Yet we also said to her we can't allow what went down last time to occur again, it's just an unhealthy and toxic situation for all including her.


She has to "want" change in her life, and we'll see thru therapy where she's at when she's pushed by therapist and asked questions. I'Tourette's Syndrome almost like negotiation to me in a sense. Her wanting to return home started a bit ago, and so far we've held her at bay and not said ok let's go lol. husband and I both know she has a long road ahead, we've discussed the alcohol issue she states she isn't really drinking anymore. Her boyfriend seems to bea very clean cut kid, a real change for her.

our thing is what if that relationship falters will she than revert back to her wild days?? see my point. So, we're just going real slow with the whole thing, she's been around alot as of late. she's been around other kids, eaten a few meals, etc.

It isn't all about me also with the whole ms thing, it's just the entire house from my dog who i'm desperately working with to difficult child whose bonkers past mos and in need of a medication change, husband and i just found out yesterday our business that was supposed to sell didn't, and to boot we just got hit with a tax audit that left a bill in the amt of $400,000 for yet another mistake his old accountant had made with the books.

so, unfortuntely our hard year isn't quite over yet. We're in a compromised position right now financially. cutting back in small areas will not even make a difference. Point we're at now is the man whose been supposedly ready to purchase the store and has been dragging his feet either has to outright purchase it now, or we have to sell it to another buyer, walk away with absolutely nothing and husband with no job at all, and me still not working.

with an ex that costs 4k a mos and our bills it's a bit overwhelming. so, me i'm just breathing and praying, him he can't sleep and we're just trying to stay real positive and laugh about the insanity life keeps throwing at us....... sheesh that was a mouthful

 

[DammitJanet]

Jena, in accordance with your statement that you are leaving this support board, I am going to lock this thread so that people wont continue to respond to this post thinking that you will come back and see this.