easy child/difficult child has moved back into the house

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Oct 11, 2010.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    That was quick, huh? After just under 3 months, easy child/difficult child has realized that living with a couple in their condo is not a good idea. Turns out the guy was a pill popper and his behavior was quite erratic. Now, Mom and Dad's house wasn't looking so horrible after all, lol. No "I told you so's" or any of that business. She's welcome to come home as long as she helps out and understands that the same rules apply (to all of us, incidentally). She told him she was moving out last Monday and he harrassed her every day and she eventually felt unsafe, so she took Thursday off and her boyfriend helped her move EVERYTHING back home. Aiyee! She gave some used furniture to friends, so thank God, there is no clutter in my storage room.

    I am, hard-core, putting into place my best detachment skills. Although detaching doesn't always take away the biting edge when I want to say something, it does help me to keep my mouth closed. And so far I've been very good. She appears to also be on her best behavior.

    Something else I notice that I've done in the past...talk to one daughter about the other - not in a gossippy mean way, but just in a casual way, such as I would with H. For example, to easy child I might say "I hope difficult child goes to the party to meet boyfriend's kids" or to difficult child I might say "I wonder if easy child's boyfriend minds that she went to a concert with her exbf" sorts of things. It's just casual talk as anyone would have with or about other family members, but I have rethought that practice. I don't think it's healthy...never really gave it much thought before, but I am trying to be mindful of this as I believe on some level it may erode at their relationship, Know what I mean?? Anyway, just an aside about how I can improve.

    Anyway, so far so good. ;)
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I hope it works out Jo. I really do.

    And I understand what you mean about making casual comments about 1 kid to the other kid. Lately I've been trying to watch what I'm saying. Sometimes they don't take it as casually as it's meant to be taken.

    Glad the girl came to her senses about the living arrangement.

  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My Youngest tends to vent to me about Oldest. It's a tough line; I do try not to do the gossipy thing, either, or get involved in those discussions (i.e., "can you believe what Oldest has done now?") But Youngest is sometimes so worried about Oldest, and whether she'll come to harm one day, that I do try to keep the communication open (while at the same time biting my tongue on certain topics!)
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is hard to be the parent of more than one kid isnt it? How do you not mention one to the others? I have the very same problem and it gets me into trouble all the time! I have to be very careful what I say to each of them because if I complain about one of them they are sure to run to one of them and tattle that mom is ticked off with X. It also works that way if I tell Tony! I get soooooo mad if I tell Tony that so and so did something and next thing I know, he has told one of them what I said when I intended it to be communication between us! Argh.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thankfully, I do not have to worry too much about this occurring with my H. He would rather allow the girls to believe he is in the dark about most topics. In fact, he's so good at it that once in a great while he will say something and take them completely by surprise and they look at me as if, "You told him?" LOL. Um, yes, dear - he's my H and your dad, of course I told him. That said, there are things I do not share with H because either he doesn't need to know about female issues or daughter has asked me specifically not to. I am usually very good at keeping confidential information confidential. on the other hand, H only became like this after nearly getting his head bitten off by opening his big mouth on prior occasions!! Hahaha.
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    Sounds like you're doing great Jo, I'm proud of you.
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    ML, I do feel like I'm in a good place, along with everyone else in the family. In fact, the best thing I've noticed lately is that I am no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop, Know what I mean?? That is a very good feeling!!
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Amen sister!