easy child into a difficult child???

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolanne, May 9, 2007.

  1. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    I swear Becky is headed that way....she has so overstepped lately that I am almost bald in my frustration!!! Angry doesn't even begin to describe how I feel lately... :grrr:

    She had posted to myspace site a male enhancement add that I asked her to remove as it was very vulgar. She said she never posted it, that quite a few kids at school had the same thing so I said fine just remove it(I didn't know I could do that...I am so computer stupid it's scarey)....anyway....I log on this morning to find a very nasty email from her...WTF? I am not a sick pervet, you didn't have to yell at me, you're the perv...wtf you trying to ruin my life too?"

    I called husband(he is out at an appointment) and read it to him...his response? I can't deal with this right now :nonono:

    He more or less condoned this!!!! He cites stress as the reason for not dealing with anything in this house....doesn't do a darn thing to help me with the kids, chores, anything!!!!! And he's stressed???? :grrr:

    I have taken away anything that means something to this kid but it's just getting worse....most likely because she sees her dad as not supporting me and almost giving her permission to treat me this way....he would crack down on the other easy child if she even blinked wrong....

    God I hate my life....... :grrr:
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    If I were you, I would block her from your myspace. I'm not to up on it, but I know you can add and remove friends. I would take her off of your friend list.

    I know that doesn't address the issue of how she is treating you and your husband should definitley not be supporting that, but I just wouldn't give her the chance to say anything to you on the computer. I think these kids say things online that they would never say to anyone in person.
  3. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    One of the things I have found most helpful in setting myself back on my feet when dealing with difficult child (you never do know what they are going to throw at you next) is: "You were raised better than that".

    If it is possible, ground her from the computer entirely for a month.

    She is obviously subject to bad influences there (and that is just what I would tell her is the reason for the grounding ~ nothing to do with the myspace thing). I would make it very clear that this is an error in judgment on her part, and that things like this happen to those of us who are less sophisticated than we need to be in the internet world.

    Tell her that after one month away from it, she can try it again, but that you are disappointed in her performance thus far.

    You might even use this as an opening to talk with her about your expectations in other areas, and the risks involved for all of us, but especially for our young people, in the worlds of school and work, today.

    I am sorry this happened between you and your daughter. She may think it is funny, and may have taken offense at you for believing it was sexual in a serious way.

    None of that matters.

    What matters is that you be able to stay clear on what your goals are for this child.

    husband's are notorious for "not being able to deal with this right now".

    You have us, now.

    Others of us will be by soon with different takes on how you might deal with this.

    I am thinking your easy child is still a good girl.

    Adolescents ~ even normal ones ~ test and test us, to learn how to navigate the world for themselves.

    Someone told me once that not giving our children strong boundaries could be compared, for us, to drivng across a very high, very long bridge without lights or guardrails, or to driving across that same bridge with guardrails firmly in place, and with lights and clearly marked signs.

    husband does not know what to do. Let it go. Marshall your energies now to teach your child.

    You can do this, and we all are right here.

  4. Jen

    Jen New Member

    I am sorry she is making you feel this way. Dont give her that power. Dont acknowledge it and her anymore, they love that sick attention. My husband has always handled these types of situation by checking out, and he is all better for it emotionally. Do the same.