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Easy Child is starting to spiral
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 659688" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I'm with confuzzled; social circles of well presenting kids can be really complex and difficult to navigate if you are an outsider (moved around etc.) or if you are not socially talented.And the scene can be very unforgiving if you are not in crowd or deemed cool. Kids presenting less well are often more flexible when it comes to others.</p><p></p><p>I'm socially capable, not super talented like my hubby, who can sniff workings of any group in minutes and always tell people what they want to hear, but capable. I moved around really a lot as a kid and making new friends was something I had to do often couple times a year until I really put my foot down as a teen and demanded I was let to stay with grands, when my mom was having another short term move out of the area from which I could stay at the same school. I was mostly very proper, did well at school, I was ambitious and I made sure I didn't get caught doing things I was not supposed to do. However depending the place I navigated at times to well presenting crowd and the loser crowd. In some places it wasn't even much of the choice, when getting along with well presenting crowd required understanding what someone's great grandparents had done or not done, it was totally impossible for outsider to manage (I mean, when someone presenting every way proper and average is considered odd bird and to be avoided based on their greatgreatgranddad empting a cart of cow faeces to someone's driveway circa 1890 it is totally impossible for new comer to navigate the social games. It is not like anyone will straight out tell about that ancestor, you should just know that the whole family is considered being 'a bit weird.') And unfortunately, in social games, you do not get a fresh start if you screw up your first try.</p><p></p><p>Keep in mind that your Easy Child most likely has much more accurate picture of social atmosphere around her and her options than you have. A new activity is not likely to give her that fresh start with 'the good kids', but she will come to that crowd with the baggage (whatever that may be, and often it is not anything too concrete or much of importance but can be quite a social stigma.) Kids in that activity may not know her well, but they likely know someone who knows about her. Social games of teens, especially teen girls, are cut throat.</p><p></p><p>What you can do as a mom is to listen her. Talk with her. Try to sneak 'lessons' about good friendship and peer pressure to your talks using for example movies or tv shows she is interested in as a material or talking point. And be there for her and try to make her believe that she can actually always come to you and tell you when she gets herself into too deep water.</p><p></p><p>It is frustrating but parenting a teen tends to be like that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 659688, member: 14557"] I'm with confuzzled; social circles of well presenting kids can be really complex and difficult to navigate if you are an outsider (moved around etc.) or if you are not socially talented.And the scene can be very unforgiving if you are not in crowd or deemed cool. Kids presenting less well are often more flexible when it comes to others. I'm socially capable, not super talented like my hubby, who can sniff workings of any group in minutes and always tell people what they want to hear, but capable. I moved around really a lot as a kid and making new friends was something I had to do often couple times a year until I really put my foot down as a teen and demanded I was let to stay with grands, when my mom was having another short term move out of the area from which I could stay at the same school. I was mostly very proper, did well at school, I was ambitious and I made sure I didn't get caught doing things I was not supposed to do. However depending the place I navigated at times to well presenting crowd and the loser crowd. In some places it wasn't even much of the choice, when getting along with well presenting crowd required understanding what someone's great grandparents had done or not done, it was totally impossible for outsider to manage (I mean, when someone presenting every way proper and average is considered odd bird and to be avoided based on their greatgreatgranddad empting a cart of cow faeces to someone's driveway circa 1890 it is totally impossible for new comer to navigate the social games. It is not like anyone will straight out tell about that ancestor, you should just know that the whole family is considered being 'a bit weird.') And unfortunately, in social games, you do not get a fresh start if you screw up your first try. Keep in mind that your Easy Child most likely has much more accurate picture of social atmosphere around her and her options than you have. A new activity is not likely to give her that fresh start with 'the good kids', but she will come to that crowd with the baggage (whatever that may be, and often it is not anything too concrete or much of importance but can be quite a social stigma.) Kids in that activity may not know her well, but they likely know someone who knows about her. Social games of teens, especially teen girls, are cut throat. What you can do as a mom is to listen her. Talk with her. Try to sneak 'lessons' about good friendship and peer pressure to your talks using for example movies or tv shows she is interested in as a material or talking point. And be there for her and try to make her believe that she can actually always come to you and tell you when she gets herself into too deep water. It is frustrating but parenting a teen tends to be like that. [/QUOTE]
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