easy child is stressing himself out

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterbee, Sep 15, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    You know, my kids never do anything half-way.

    He made it to his senior year by the skin of his teeth. Couldn't do a thing to get him motivated before. This year he's taking a full load - not the Senior Year Slack like his peers are doing because they passed by more than the skin of their teeth and have enough credits to graduate without carrying a full load. As it is, he has to get at least one work credit to have enough credits.

    He is very motivated this year. Not just to pass, but to get good grades. His guidance counselor tried to get him to take a study hall and get two work credits (which he could easily do - doesn't require a lot of hours), but he took FST (Figures, Statistics and Trigonometry) instead. Plus, pre-calculus, government, economics, psychology, sociology and I don't know what else.

    On top of that he's working at least 30 hours a week and gets upset when they schedule him for less and bumps people of the schedule. He only has one day off a week and it's not a weekend day. So, he goes to school 5 days a week (and his classes this year have a lot more homework than prior years - or maybe it's just that he's actually DOING it this year), works 4 days during the school week and then works 8 hour shifts both Saturday and Sunday. 2 Saturdays ago he worked 14 hours. He is paying for his car insurance (half, my mom is paying the other half for him) and his cell phone and gas, of course, but it wouldn't require so many hours.

    Plus, he has to fit in his girlfriend. I really like her, but she's....hmmmm...very needy. She needs a lot of reassurance. And she gets really upset over stupid things. For example, after work a couple of weekends ago she had a friend over and he had friends over here. He asked her if she wanted to come over. That wasn't good enough because he didn't say he wanted her to come over and that ended up in a 2 hour argument over the phone - Devon in my room while his friends are in his room - and he was crying by the end of it. And he still wants to fit in his friends. I don't even ask him for help around the house anymore. He does things on his own that need done and anything else I just leave alone.

    He is so stressed. He's not getting enough sleep. And it's getting to him. He's been sick for over a week now. He is head over heels in love with his girlfriend, but he's made the comment twice in the last two days that he can't take it anymore. He was really struggling with his FST homework and said he just can't think anymore.

    I'm stepping back. I'm telling him he's stressed, that he's overdoing, that he's not getting enough sleep.

    Sigh. This is a new stage of parenting for me. I don't like it. I want to be the mom and step in and fix it, but I know he has to do what he has to do.

    No point really to this thread. Just needed to get that off my chest.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Wow- I guess he would get burnt out. I'd be tempted to try to help in some way because he's clearly not looking for an excuse or easy way out- it sounds like he's trying too hard to be independent. Anyway, will he let you help him (or coach him) to prioritize? Or budget his hours to find a little time for each thing? Maybe start by telling him how great it is that he's motivated, but he's expecting a bit too much of himself?

    I'm just tossing out ideas-
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sounds like easy child all thru high school. I think it turned her into a stress junkie. I'm not kidding. She was doing Lion's club, tennis, working 30 hrs and taking a full load of honors classes. Honestly, I don't know how the girl found time for homework. But I do know it wasn't uncommon for her to stay up until the wee hours when she had to get up at 5am for school. Many a night she didn't even bother to go to bed.

    I told her she was burning the candle at both ends. She never listened. Came thru it ok. Top grades ect. Then did the same, and is still doing it in college. And I still tell her she's burning the candle at both ends.

    Sounds like easy child may discover that a social life this year isn't gonna work. :(

    Got to admire his determination and motivation though. I think he's on the fast track to growing up, Mom.:D
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I do admire his determination and I'm very proud of the growth and maturity. It was worse than pulling teeth last year to even get him to school on time, so this is a huge, huge change for him.

    The thing is, I think he feels extra responsibility because of my health issues. He's too young to have that kind of pressure. That's why I don't ask him to do anything. He does things around the house on his own and I thank him and tell him I appreciate it, but I don't ask for anything else.

    He didn't get to sleep until around 1am. Alarm goes off at 5:30. At least tomorrow is his day off work. I did tell him tonight that he's going to have to prioritize (thanks klmno) and make sure he has time for his homework so he's not so stressed about getting it done. He missed 3 days last week being sick, so he had a lot of makeup work which didn't help any.

    I worry and I talk to him about how full his plate is, but I don't want to mother hen him.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Heather, don't you take on the guilt of being sick either.

    That the boy is feeling the responsibility and stepping up to the plate says tons about his character and what a fine job you did in raising him. He should be stepping up. It's what families do in times of crisis.

    My grandma was dirt dirt poor. Most times working 2-3 jobs still wasn't enough to keep a roof over head and mouths fed. There wasn't welfare back then, nor child support. She had 7 mouths to fed and clothe. As each kid hit teen years they went to work. She never asked them to. And each turned over 80 percent of their paychecks to her. They never complained. This was on top of helping around the house and watching the younger kids, and school.

    Not one of my aunts and uncles have ever complained. Ever. It made them proud they could help their Mom when she needed it so badly. And it turned them into some amazing people. (even the difficult children of the lot)

    He'll make it thru. And he'll be a stronger, more mature, and better person for it.

    No mother henning. He'll figure out how to juggle it.

  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Yes, he will. It just feels odd...this adjustment from stepping in to stepping back. It's almost like it happened overnight. Actually, it pretty much did.

    And, Lisa, I thought you were going to bed early tonight? Maybe I should ask your definition of 'early'? :rofl:
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Why? Isn't 2:30 am early??? :rofl:

    Actually, I tried. husband was having a flip flop night so I got back up and gave up.