easy child is writing a paper on difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Oct 14, 2007.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    easy child is supposed to write an English paper on something that changed her life. She asked if she could write it about difficult child and our fights, and the counseling. We asked if it was a confidential thing or if she was supposed to read it in class, and she said it was confidential. We were worried that everyone would read it and spread rumors about him, since he's in the same school. But she said it was only between her, the teacher, and one other student, so we told her to go ahead.
    She said it changed her life in that it made her grow up more quickly, and she can really see differences between herself and her peers. She said she's the only one in her group with-a difficult sibling, plus, a mom who had breast cancer. So she's had to act as Mom on more than one occasion. :smile:
    I should be reading her first draft this afternoon.
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Aw, Terry, I'm sure with your input she will be able to write what she needs to write without disclosing too much personal information.

    My easy child also wrote a paper about her difficult child sister (in HS, thankfully after difficult child had left the school). In particular, easy child wrote about her sister's internet predator and sexual assault. I was quite worried, but she chose not to say it was actually her sister (she only has one so everyone would have figured it out). She wrote her paper in the third person, which was pretty cool of her I thought. She touched on the topics of having to mature a bit faster and the differences between her and her sister, as well as the special circumstances of their relationship. Anyway, it came out well, some of the facts needed to be clarified but it was a good paper. easy child felt good about it, difficult child didn't care either way (because she's a difficult child and it's all about her so I think she was flattered by it despite the topic line) and H and I were ok with it as well.

    Let us know how it goes.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    easy child also wrote a paper on Travis. She managed to bring both me and the teacher to tears.

    It was a good experience for my easy child as it helped her see both the good and the bad in having a disabled brother.

    Hope it goes well.

  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    When Step-d was in college she had to make a short film for a documentary class, and she made it about difficult child and his impact on her life. He was about 11 or 12 at the time. It was very moving, and still brings tears to my eyes when I watch it.

    Hope it goes well,
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Is the teacher aware of what she will write about? I hope that she will get a head's up, and have a talk with the other student that will read this paper regarding confidentiality, and that this is not to be shared.

    {{{{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} to both of you. And to difficult child. You are a good mom to help her with this.
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Is there any way that the other student could be kept out of the loop? It just seems this is one of those things that could be fodder at lunchtime. Even the teacher telling the student these are confidential is probably not going to stop the telling a best friend type of thing. There would probably be no maliciousness intended, but it could so easily happen.

    Otherwise, I think it's a great idea. It can really help to see how it has affected you in both good and bad ways.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is a very special thing. Most of our easy child's recognize that difficult child siblings change their lives. Being easy child, they are usually able to see the good as well as the bad. And, having to live with difficult children usually changes our pcs by making them exceptionally special and compassionate people. Same changes that happen to us MOMs.

    Enjoy your easy child, and embrace ALL her views.


  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thanks, all.
    I just read her 1st draft. It was much more visual, dramatic and metaphorical than what I'd expected. She asked me to edit it, so I condensed some of the repetition, and inserted a couple of explanatory sentences for the teacher ... as it turns out, the teacher did get a heads-up, not just for the confidentiality issue, but as a sort of verbal outline from easy child, so easy child thought she didn't have to incl. anything concrete. I told her you're generally supposed to write as though the reader has no clue, even if the teacher does know, or at least offer enough clues so the reader doesn't have to grasp at straws.
    I was very surprised at how sympathetically I was viewed. I thought for sure she's say I'd lost it one time too many and yelled back or did too much physical exertion with-difficult child (I discovered, a day late and dollar short, that you can't do "The Hold" on a 9-yr-old!) But she ignored all that and stuck with-metaphors.
    Her peer editor has changed schools 3X in 3 yrs and has secrets of her own, so they're pretty much bound to one another by this. I'm not worried about easy child's impact at this point. I hope it doesn't come back to haunt me, (or more significantly, difficult child) but easy child deserves to say her piece.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Your easy child is amazing! While your help in explaining the mchanics is very useful, it sounds like easy child has a good grip on hte realities of the situation. I am always surprised at how lenient my kids think I was with difficult child, how they thought I didn't "lose it" as often as many parents would.

    Take easy child out for a treat, to show her how proud you are. She is becoming a wonderful young lady. OF course, with you as example, what else would she be??
  10. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I think it is good that you let easy child write the paper. It is amazing how fast our PCs grow up when living with difficult children siblings!!! My easy child, my baby, is 13 yrs. old - Too wise for her years in some ways...

    I often wonder what the total impact on her will be when she is an adult. I think that our PCs need to be able to express their views and know that their feelings count. Too many times, my easy child doesn't get all the attention she needs, even though I try, because of her brothers' immediate needs that can't be ignored or left until later...

    I think you've made me really think about something that is always in the back of my mind - Am I doing all that I can to help my easy child remain emotionally healthy??? Life is so TOUGH!!! WFEN
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, easy child does have a good grip. She is much more steady than I.
    Some of it is just the way she was born, and some is the way she was raised. It's hard to go wrong when you've got perfect ingredients, and she's made it so easy for us.
    I remember a time when we flew to MN when she was 3. I was terribly afraid of flying and she knew it. As we took off, she leaned over and took my hand and smiled at me. She held my hand through the entire flight, occasionally patting my arm reassuringly, and asked if I was okay. It was so sweet--and better yet, comforting.
    She's always been like that. (And I've gotten over most of my fears of flying, too.)

    She said in her paper that living with-difficult child has made her grow up faster and instead of being resentful, she's glad, because she feels mature and grounded. Way To Go!
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    easy child gave her paper to her peer review friend, and made all the edits the friend suggested. I have not seen the final copy, but know that easy child turned it in. I really want to see it!
    I think she's doing especially well because she's gone to the last 2 child psychiatric visits with-us, and she feels very empowered by that.