easy child makiing me cry

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by upallnight, Apr 21, 2007.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I asked easy child to help me this morning. I was doing yardwork and cleaning up leaves etc...I asked easy child for help putting some sticks that fell onto the yard, into a wheelbarrow. There was 100, It would have taken him a minute. One per second -a minute and a half. He gave me such a hard time and started cursing at me on my lawn with my neighbors there. He doesn't want to do anything. Then I made dinner, (husband is working) for the kids (shrimp on skewers with bbq sauce on the grill, grilled chicken ceasar salad, fresh fruit,) so he's playing on some interactive computer world and said can I bring it up to him on a tray. I did and he yelled at me and said he's busy and doesn't want any of it. Am I the slave here? He'll eat junk food later-So I just wasted an hour cooking and I didn't clean it yet even. I know this doesn't belong here and others have worse troubles, what can I do? This isn't nice. This behavior is becoming quite the norm for him. Am I too lenient? He does well in school so I give him alot of leeway-but I'm doing something wrong. I never raise my voice with him-but his attitude toward me is horrid. Any advice?A TV and computer are in his room- how can I punish him? Or should I ignore?
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Which easy child is this? 13 or 15? It is somewhat typical 15 year old behavior in my opinion but it doesnt have to be OK. Cursing at ones parents is not OK. Muttering under ones breath or thinking evil thoughts in the privacy of ones room is fine.

    No reason you cannot confiscate that tv and computer for behavior unbecoming a nice young man. After all, you provide the goodies in the house and he should treat you with respect.

    I swear...I think all teens need to be buried at puberty and dug up when they turn 25.
  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Janet- It's the 15 one. Is it typical? I hope so. It's not ok to curse you're right, but I curse ,( but not at anyone)I'm gonna have a little talk with him in a minute. I have to be more firm, I'm too wishy-washy. This is how it will probably go:

    Me:Can I talk to you?
    easy child:Will you get out of here?
    Me:(I'll say what I want to say)
    easy child:Are you done? Now can you get out?

    I had the worst, abusive, mother in the world so I think I am extra nice to kids-(although difficult child may beg to differ)(LOL) I want them to be happy, not just them, but the kids at work too.(The kids at work like me though)-Alyssa
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hmmmmm. Want to know how I'd have handled it?

    Sticks in the yard. "THE LOOK" You know, the one's Mom's can give that make you tremble in your boots and make you MOVE. Even my difficult child's do an about face with "THE LOOK". (heck even strangers kids move quick with my Mom Look. lmao)

    As far as dinner. First it would never occur to me to serve my kid a meal on a tray simply because they were playing a video game. Either the game would be shut off, or the kid would go hungry. There would be no junk food later.

    If the attitude was becoming a habit, things like video games and such would disappear.

    It's pretty typical teen stuff. True. But if you're not careful it can get really out of control quick. He's pushing the boundries. It's up to you how far he gets to push.

  5. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    It's typical teen behavior that hasn't been dealt with. If not confronted, it will only get worse. Please, don't worry about whether or not he will "still love" you. He will. Daughter has lost computer and ipod more times than I can count because of her disrespectful mouth. Though, it has been a several months since the last time.

    I usually give the bemused look with a sarcastic "You must have been talkin to someone else, because I KNOW you wouldn't be talking to ME like that". With Daughter I usually get a "sorry, Mom".

    Like Daisy, I also use "The Look". I don't say a word. I just stare until she gets her little fanny in gear and does what I tell her. The Look works pretty well. Better than yelling, actually.

    Just the other day, Daughter got real bad attitude with her Dad and me. She got snotty and declared that "I can't talk to you guys! You are simply BEYOND talking to!" Go figure! We weren't going to allow her to stay by herself for week while we went out of town. Wow, what lousy parents.

    Anyway, I walked up to her (I'm taller) and said very firmly, "Honey, the next time you decide to speak to us in such a way, it better be when your eighteen and carrying your packed suitcases out the door". Message received.
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    It is typical behavior, but it doesn't mean it's o.k. My 17 year old easy child gets mouthy sometimes and when she does I simply give it back. I let her know it's not o.k. to talk to me that way and then I start talking to her the same way. It drives her crazy but she gets the point. She asks me something, I ignore her or give her a snotty answer. Then she'll figure it out and say, o.k. I got the message. I simply let her know what it feels like to be talked to and treated that way and that it isn't a good feeling.

    My easy child is pretty easy to get through to though. I would not serve your son dinner in his room. I would let him know it's ready and if he chooses to not come down and eat, then he can go hungry.

    Sounds like he needs to lose a few priviledges to get the point across that he needs to treat you with respect.

    The yard clean up thing, that is definatley typical.
  7. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DazedandConfused</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

    It's typical teen behavior that hasn't been dealt with. If not confronted, it will only get worse.

    I usually give the bemused look with a sarcastic "You must have been talkin to someone else, because I KNOW you wouldn't be talking to ME like that".

    Anyway, I walked up to her (I'm taller) and said very firmly, "Honey, the next time you decide to speak to us in such a way, it better be when your eighteen and carrying your packed suitcases out the door". Message received. </div></div>


    I agree that this is the way to handle the situation.

    You don't want to get into making the computer the issue, here. The issue is disrespect. It's like everyone here on the site tells me all the time: we teach our children how to treat us. If we do not feel we merit respect (and they will test us on that), then we will not demand it and the whole thing spirals downhill from that point, I think.

    So, this is important. I am glad you posted about it.

    No sense in waiting until the lack of respect has turned into "I can do what I want."

    Your son needs you to set the rules now for the kind of relationship you will have when he is older and no longer relies so heavily on you to define the parameters for him.

    That's why it's important.

    Probably because of everything else going on in our family when difficult child was thirteen to fifteen, we let so many things that normally would have been addressed in the instant "slip".

    We never did get that time back.

    So in a way, this is a normal phase in your relationship to your son.

    Your responsibility is to set the parameters.

    Do that, based on the issue of respect.

    A discussion is in order, but no punishment. That will only shift the issue to a control/resentment/who's the boss of me scenario, I think.

    Wishing well!


  8. WhereIsTheLight

    WhereIsTheLight New Member

    I have to agree with the other posts. easy child has never cussed DIRECTLY at me, but she has gotten mouthy. If she does this publicly, I give as good as I get and she shuts it down immediately. Same with difficult child. For some reason, difficult child will not tangle with me in front of her friends, and always maintains a calm exterior...like she's the parent trying to keep the situation from boiling over.

    With easy child, I can count on one hand how many times I've had to ground her. But easy child is smart, she heads to her room or complies with what I'm asking her to do...she may sulk, and it may take an hour or a day to get done, but she'll do it.

    When easy child is feeling like an argument, she always says, "difficult child gets away with this or that!" So, it is possible your easy child is testing the behaviors of your difficult child. And I always tell easy child: "you are not difficult child, and I don't expect you to behave like her...you are much smarter than that". Sure, she rolls her eyes, but it gets through and we have a harmony between us 99% of the time.

    The kid really validates me as a parent. If not for her, I would really think I screwed the difficult child up.
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Thanks! I love that line , about next time he talks to me like that he better be 18 and have his bags packed and ready to walk out the door. I did have a discussion with him and he was very nice, and polite, and ended it by saying he will be nice. It was a much more calm and prolific talk than anything I would have ever had with difficult child. I always try "the look" but they stare at me ,and stare at me until they start laughing. I'm not good at it. Yes, the tray in the room-was too much. Never again. I love you guys-always such good advice! Thanks.-Alyssa