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The Watercooler
easy child, older friends, drinking. Does this worrying ever end?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 551252" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Drinking is something we have been talking with our kids long time. As I said, teenage drinking is very common around here. I noticed in M.A.D.D link that in USA 20 % of 10 graders and 33 % of 12 graders had been drinking during the last 30 days. Here percentage are 50 % and 80 %. Less than 20 % of 16-year-olds and less than 10 % of 18-year-olds are sober. To be honest I don't think it would be too realistic to think my kids would be the sober ones. Especially when those are numbers for all kids in the country, in the minority we are part of, kids tend to drink more. Then again, pot use is much less common around here. Only 15 % of High School age kids have ever tried pot and less than 3 % uses monthly or more often. With easy child team mates (especially older ones) anti-doping tests are also a big threat. Everyone knows that pot shows long time and getting caught in anti-doping test is automatic 2 year ban from all sports and lots of public shame. That is not something they risk even though younger ones (like easy child) are not that likely end up tested. easy child has not yet been tested once and in the older junior team probably only around the half of the kids will be tested even once. Testing starts to get common only when they play or train with men's team, for example difficult child was randomly tested 4 or 5 times during last season. Still the scare factor is there. So I'm not too worried about pot use with easy child.</p><p></p><p>Our worst fear with drinking is of course that something really bad would happen. I'm not that worried about drunk driving, it's just much less common around here. If I understood correctly around 3 % drivers in any given time are estimated to be under influence in US. Here the percentage is 0,2 %. Our limit is also lower, driving after drinking is much less socially acceptable, no one for example goes to bar with car, but use a cab instead. It is also the only crime our judicial system is harsher than USA's. It is also very difficult to drive drunk especially in risky times (weekend nights) and not get caught. There are lots of random breath tests done especially in risky times, but also in very random times and places. Every time police patrol doesn't have anything pressing to do, they put up a random breath test checkpoint. For example I have been tested at least 10 times during last half a year even though I have driven very little and almost none in risky times. And of course if any car (that is not a cab) leaves from in front of the bar or have a driver that looks even remotely suspicious someone is likely to call police to check. Our kids know this and drunk driving is not something I would be too worried with my kids. Especially when easy child isn't even allowed to drive in two more years.</p><p></p><p>The biggest fear with drinking is excess drinking and what can come with it. Because of our harsh climate, the worst fear is passing out outdoors and freezing to death. That can happen over very short time and unfortunately every winter some teens die because they are too scared to go home because they are drunk or because they have drank too much and their friends are too afraid to call help and just leave them there. That is why also our emphasise in talking with our kids about drinking has always been about how they can always come home or call us to get them. That if they have drunk too much, we will not be too angry. There may be some consequences, but we have promised not to go overboard. And we like to pick up easy child in weekend evenings rather than let him find his own way home.</p><p></p><p>Now he got himself grounded, but to be honest, that doesn't matter much to him. For example today he left for morning practise 6.30 a.m, after that he went to school, from school to evening practise and will be home around 7 p.m and after eating and doing his homework he will watch tv and go to bed. If not grounded he would likely do exactly the same. Next weekend he will have two games in different cities, so he wouldn't be going anywhere else even if not grounded. Grounding probably doesn't change his plans for this two weeks much at all. Mostly he is grounded just in principle to show we are not happy with him drinking. We don't really believe we could make him not to drink, whatever we do, we just hope that he would drink less at time so he could avoid getting caught. </p><p></p><p>To be honest, if he had had those beers with some of his old friends from this neighbourhood, who are same age as he is etc. I wouldn't be worried at all. I would scold him, he would be grounded but I wouldn't worry much but just think that it is, what kids do. What worries me, are the older kids he spends time with. Getting caught up with being so cool, he forgets to do the work both for school and sport. These 'cool jocks' tend to attract people they would better not hang out with and some do slip to lifestyles that are not productive. My easy child, while really a good kid, is a people pleaser to some degree. And with older team mates this will probably show. I just hope he friends with the driven kids in the team, not the cool ones. While also difficult child is vulnerable to stupid stunts to please others and fit in, those are very sporadic (and never work out like he hopes) and in the end he is just too driven to really care what others think. If he has to choose between being cool and his sport, he will constantly choose the sport. With easy child I worry that being cool and popular may be too important and even with all the smarts and social skills he has, that does make him vulnerable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 551252, member: 14557"] Drinking is something we have been talking with our kids long time. As I said, teenage drinking is very common around here. I noticed in M.A.D.D link that in USA 20 % of 10 graders and 33 % of 12 graders had been drinking during the last 30 days. Here percentage are 50 % and 80 %. Less than 20 % of 16-year-olds and less than 10 % of 18-year-olds are sober. To be honest I don't think it would be too realistic to think my kids would be the sober ones. Especially when those are numbers for all kids in the country, in the minority we are part of, kids tend to drink more. Then again, pot use is much less common around here. Only 15 % of High School age kids have ever tried pot and less than 3 % uses monthly or more often. With easy child team mates (especially older ones) anti-doping tests are also a big threat. Everyone knows that pot shows long time and getting caught in anti-doping test is automatic 2 year ban from all sports and lots of public shame. That is not something they risk even though younger ones (like easy child) are not that likely end up tested. easy child has not yet been tested once and in the older junior team probably only around the half of the kids will be tested even once. Testing starts to get common only when they play or train with men's team, for example difficult child was randomly tested 4 or 5 times during last season. Still the scare factor is there. So I'm not too worried about pot use with easy child. Our worst fear with drinking is of course that something really bad would happen. I'm not that worried about drunk driving, it's just much less common around here. If I understood correctly around 3 % drivers in any given time are estimated to be under influence in US. Here the percentage is 0,2 %. Our limit is also lower, driving after drinking is much less socially acceptable, no one for example goes to bar with car, but use a cab instead. It is also the only crime our judicial system is harsher than USA's. It is also very difficult to drive drunk especially in risky times (weekend nights) and not get caught. There are lots of random breath tests done especially in risky times, but also in very random times and places. Every time police patrol doesn't have anything pressing to do, they put up a random breath test checkpoint. For example I have been tested at least 10 times during last half a year even though I have driven very little and almost none in risky times. And of course if any car (that is not a cab) leaves from in front of the bar or have a driver that looks even remotely suspicious someone is likely to call police to check. Our kids know this and drunk driving is not something I would be too worried with my kids. Especially when easy child isn't even allowed to drive in two more years. The biggest fear with drinking is excess drinking and what can come with it. Because of our harsh climate, the worst fear is passing out outdoors and freezing to death. That can happen over very short time and unfortunately every winter some teens die because they are too scared to go home because they are drunk or because they have drank too much and their friends are too afraid to call help and just leave them there. That is why also our emphasise in talking with our kids about drinking has always been about how they can always come home or call us to get them. That if they have drunk too much, we will not be too angry. There may be some consequences, but we have promised not to go overboard. And we like to pick up easy child in weekend evenings rather than let him find his own way home. Now he got himself grounded, but to be honest, that doesn't matter much to him. For example today he left for morning practise 6.30 a.m, after that he went to school, from school to evening practise and will be home around 7 p.m and after eating and doing his homework he will watch tv and go to bed. If not grounded he would likely do exactly the same. Next weekend he will have two games in different cities, so he wouldn't be going anywhere else even if not grounded. Grounding probably doesn't change his plans for this two weeks much at all. Mostly he is grounded just in principle to show we are not happy with him drinking. We don't really believe we could make him not to drink, whatever we do, we just hope that he would drink less at time so he could avoid getting caught. To be honest, if he had had those beers with some of his old friends from this neighbourhood, who are same age as he is etc. I wouldn't be worried at all. I would scold him, he would be grounded but I wouldn't worry much but just think that it is, what kids do. What worries me, are the older kids he spends time with. Getting caught up with being so cool, he forgets to do the work both for school and sport. These 'cool jocks' tend to attract people they would better not hang out with and some do slip to lifestyles that are not productive. My easy child, while really a good kid, is a people pleaser to some degree. And with older team mates this will probably show. I just hope he friends with the driven kids in the team, not the cool ones. While also difficult child is vulnerable to stupid stunts to please others and fit in, those are very sporadic (and never work out like he hopes) and in the end he is just too driven to really care what others think. If he has to choose between being cool and his sport, he will constantly choose the sport. With easy child I worry that being cool and popular may be too important and even with all the smarts and social skills he has, that does make him vulnerable. [/QUOTE]
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easy child, older friends, drinking. Does this worrying ever end?
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