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easy child, older friends, drinking. Does this worrying ever end?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 551710" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I'm afraid it is unlikely to get easy child to totally abstain totally from drinking. Whatever we say, I think that peer pressure is stronger. When everyone you know is doing something, you often have to have a darn good reason not to do the same. And parents talking about dangers of an activity just doesn't cut it. Especially when he is 16. Understanding concepts of danger, longterm consequences etc. are just not something kids, especially boys, his age tend to be good at. It is very possible that easy child doesn't have even one friend who wouldn't drink. It is just that common around here.</p><p></p><p>We have surprisingly few substance abusers in our immediate family. While my mother smoked pot and dabbled with other drugs through out her life, she was not an addict. My dad has had periods when his substance abuse has been out of control, but even he isn't exactly alcoholic according the standards. My granddad used a lot of amphetamine during the war, but had an easy time to quit after that. And in that time he was expected to use it. And while my family tree is full of difficult child's and mental illness, substance abuse has always been more a secondary issue to them. My husband's family in the other hand is surprisingly light in substance abuse in any kind. So we don't really have good 'warning examples' in our family. Our difficult child of course has addiction issue, but even he doesn't seem too drawn to substance abuse, but had an easy time to getting rid of nasty snus habit and gets so easily sick from alcohol that is not at all likely to develop drinking problem. And difficult child's gambling addiction can not be used as a warning for easy child because he is so sick of being compared to difficult child and his problems.</p><p></p><p>easy child's teams have rules about alcohol (not drinking before games or during tournaments etc.) but of course especially in the older boys team most of the kids are legal age to drink. They are not going to forbid them from drinking on their free nights. And even if they did, kids wouldn't obey. And because these 'parent teams' have vested interest in these kids in their junior teams already in this level, they don't like to kick them out (and give them to other teams for free) if they absolutely don't have to. Being kicked out is very uncommon. What I know about, in the teams in the highest league of the oldest juniors only two players have been kicked out of their teams for behavioural reasons in the last three or four years. Other was my difficult child other was a kid who got a DUI (same kid had problems with police earlier when he assaulted someone, but that didn't get him kicked out, but DUIs are taken very seriously here as I said.) It's nice to hear that in your area jocks drink less. Hope it would be like that also here, but it isn't so. Even studies show that kids in team sports drink even more than average kids around here. And what I have heard it also changes for your kids when they go to college? At least few local kids I know, who went to US colleges in athletic scholarships told that drinking (especially among team athletes) was even much worse than anything they did back at home. Of course that could depend from sport, those kids are mainly basketball, hockey or volleyball players.</p><p></p><p>And yeah, crossing my fingers is probably the only thing I really can do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 551710, member: 14557"] I'm afraid it is unlikely to get easy child to totally abstain totally from drinking. Whatever we say, I think that peer pressure is stronger. When everyone you know is doing something, you often have to have a darn good reason not to do the same. And parents talking about dangers of an activity just doesn't cut it. Especially when he is 16. Understanding concepts of danger, longterm consequences etc. are just not something kids, especially boys, his age tend to be good at. It is very possible that easy child doesn't have even one friend who wouldn't drink. It is just that common around here. We have surprisingly few substance abusers in our immediate family. While my mother smoked pot and dabbled with other drugs through out her life, she was not an addict. My dad has had periods when his substance abuse has been out of control, but even he isn't exactly alcoholic according the standards. My granddad used a lot of amphetamine during the war, but had an easy time to quit after that. And in that time he was expected to use it. And while my family tree is full of difficult child's and mental illness, substance abuse has always been more a secondary issue to them. My husband's family in the other hand is surprisingly light in substance abuse in any kind. So we don't really have good 'warning examples' in our family. Our difficult child of course has addiction issue, but even he doesn't seem too drawn to substance abuse, but had an easy time to getting rid of nasty snus habit and gets so easily sick from alcohol that is not at all likely to develop drinking problem. And difficult child's gambling addiction can not be used as a warning for easy child because he is so sick of being compared to difficult child and his problems. easy child's teams have rules about alcohol (not drinking before games or during tournaments etc.) but of course especially in the older boys team most of the kids are legal age to drink. They are not going to forbid them from drinking on their free nights. And even if they did, kids wouldn't obey. And because these 'parent teams' have vested interest in these kids in their junior teams already in this level, they don't like to kick them out (and give them to other teams for free) if they absolutely don't have to. Being kicked out is very uncommon. What I know about, in the teams in the highest league of the oldest juniors only two players have been kicked out of their teams for behavioural reasons in the last three or four years. Other was my difficult child other was a kid who got a DUI (same kid had problems with police earlier when he assaulted someone, but that didn't get him kicked out, but DUIs are taken very seriously here as I said.) It's nice to hear that in your area jocks drink less. Hope it would be like that also here, but it isn't so. Even studies show that kids in team sports drink even more than average kids around here. And what I have heard it also changes for your kids when they go to college? At least few local kids I know, who went to US colleges in athletic scholarships told that drinking (especially among team athletes) was even much worse than anything they did back at home. Of course that could depend from sport, those kids are mainly basketball, hockey or volleyball players. And yeah, crossing my fingers is probably the only thing I really can do. [/QUOTE]
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