easy child update and heading back to therapy

[Jena]

hi!

soooooooo had a few minutes and wanted to update on easy child, run my plan past you guys.

easy child is like a roller coaster ride as of late. the blow ups have stopped, why? well she's doing what she wants when she wants literally.

walks in at anytime she wants to, doesnt' come home now when she doesn't want to. There is no anger, or crazy texts it's just she just doesnt' show up. husband and i sat there last night like ok it's 1 a.m. and no easy child again.

i saw her last friday afternoon, she just came floating in door, grabbed food is laying on our new sectional in den with food all over it.

so the plan is her and i with her therapist on tuesday. it is already set.

i'm going to go in with a list of things that we need here in order for her to remain living here. if she doesnt' comply than she can leave. her birthday the big 18 is around the corner.

- keep her room clean; it's disgusting it smells she's never here food in there and all.
- chores around house (each week has to contribute to being part of a family here)
- meets curfew each night; no disappearing walking in when wants to etc.
- also if she is punished which she was and totally disregarded has to follow it. (it was minimal and she just left like it didn't exist.)

I'm like a doormat now. it's out of control. she's asking for prom dresses to be bought, me to get her a drivers' permit she doesnt' have yet, take her to dentist for her teeth that are in pain, and she wants us to book a hotel room for her birthday at great adventure for her and her friends.

i told her today, i'm not mad this just isnt' going to work at all for me. i said i'll have a list of things on tuesday we'll talk with therapist and hopefully we'll decide what direction we are going into that day. You are a part of our family and you cannot just use us for roof, shelter, food, etc. doesn't work that way.

she isnt even going to funeral tmrw upstate, we're leaving tongiht for my grandfather. she wasnt close to him at all. yet she didnt' even call her grandfather my stepfather who she is very close to to say i'm sorry. totally not cool.

 

[HaoZi]

Dental? Fine, dental is medical. Everything else? Pfffftt... earn it kid.

 

[Jena]

i'll just beat her. yup that's my conclusion.

 

[1905]

I say this to mine..... Do you have a job? (the answer is no) then I'll give you some stuff to do, you can earn the prom dress. In my case it's the dates with girls, they have no money until the summer jobs start. They earn that money! Curfew- part of the job, Grades- the job, clean room-job...Heck, if I want my car washed....that's something they can do for money. Dentist? no....I have to drag them there. They can earn money for going there....I don't hand it over freely. Try not do that, they can do dumb stuff(to them it's dumb stuff) if they want something badly enough.

 

[svengandhi]

Sorry about your grandfather.

I agree with HaoZi - dental care yes but you can take her to the clinic at the university in your county or the dental hygiene college right by adventureland.

I got my daughter's prom dress at a thrift shop. It was $25 and she looked like a beautiful Disney princess in it. However, if she treated me like your easy child is treating you, I wouldn't have spent even the $25.

As for the rest, birthday party - no way! learner's permit - she'll be 18, let her get it herself. Do you really want her driving around in a car, your car? With the poor choices she's been making, it's scary enough to have her out on foot.

There need to be consequences that she can understand.

 

[susiestar]

Not providing the prom dress, the permit, the hotel, spending $$ etc... is one way to stop her. If she won't follow rules she gets nothing. This means turn her phone off. If you cannot cancel the plan have it put on vacation mode - it will cost less per month and she won't be able to use it until you put it back on regular mode.

Go into her room and take away all of her clothes but a few very boring simple outfits.

If she wants to breeze in and out change the locks and keep the doors locked. My Gma was 1000% right on that issue. I was about 4 or 5 when my aunt graduated high school and I can still remember my Gma telling her that she could leave the house anytime she wanted. But that door might not open when she wanted to come home. I have perfect faith that had my aunt actually walked out or snuck out late at night she would return and my Gma might not unlock the door for a few days after that. And you can be dang sure no $$, clothes, car or food would be available to her until Gma opened the door - and aunt had better have been willing to follow every rule to the letter or the door would be locked again. Well, food would have been out but it would be cat food as Gma put food outside during the day so if her cats were outside they would have food if they wanted it. And while my Gma's sister lived next door and her bro lived across the street, none of those doors would open for her until my Gma gave the OK.

Maybe that would be something to think about with your difficult child. I am sorry she feels she can walk all over you. If she is able to do all of that then surely she is able to pay rent, and for her food and other expenses, Know what I mean?? I hope she is looking for a job so she can afford a place to sleep and to replace the clothes that she has lost the rights to.

 

[DammitJanet]

backbone.

Dentist yes, everything else...a big hell no. she doesnt need a prom dress, she can borrow one from a friend or just not go. She doesnt deserve for you to pay for some big party, you cant afford it. You arent working last I heard. Buy her a card and a cake. tell her what time curfew is and if she isnt home, throw out a sleeping bag and lock the doors.