easy child update.....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Jena, Apr 27, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    sooo i get letters from school everyday how she's failing, how she's forged a letter with my name on it, how she's not attending classes, how shes' gotten suspended on adn on it goes. each night the phone rings with a pre recorded message on how she cuts such and such classes.

    today the dean called and said it looks like she's dropping out from what she has told us today. the principal gave her one more chance todasy if she doesnt' take it she'll have to sign herself out on her 18th birthday in 9 days.

    easy child than emailed me and cursed me out via facebook because i had the nerve to ask are you dropping out? than followed by what time is my gyn appointment tmrw because seh thinks she has an std. i said wait a second in no way can you abuse me talk down to me name call me than expect something from me it doesnt' work that way at all. she said it's none of your business my life. so i said i guess your gyn appointment and 200 bucks we have to lay otu isnt my problem either?

    she responded with in 9 days i dont want to know you anymore at all do not email me look for me i'm dead to you and cancel my appointment tmrw.

    what else can i say? she istn' attending therapy i was going to pay for she isnt' showing so therapist said she can't hold the spot anymore for her. the school is in an uproar we get what your doign yet it's illegal that this mom is housing her when she isn't attending school. i said yup i know i got it.

    so yea as usual i'm frustrated. i'm goign to go horseback riding now only thing that calms me latey is getting on horse and running as fast as we can.
     
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    habit that i'm still calling her easy child by the way.... soo used to it. means nothing.
     
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Don't worry about the appointment, the letters/calls from the school, and her facebook.

    I know - easier said than done - but she has made her choice. She clearly only wants to use you - detach, don't let her.

    Either she will figure it out and want her Mom back someday - or she won't. And you have no control over that. (C'mon, if GOD couldn't get Adam and Eve to behave...)

    Oh yeah - easy child also = Problem Child - Pain-in-the-rear Child...
     
  4. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Jena, Step gave some great advice. I worry about you and your health. You have SO much going on. I think if you do detach (torture, I am sure) she will come around eventually.

    She has no clue about the big, bad world out there and she will need her Mom.

    I hope you find some peace while riding in the wind... Shelly
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Jena

    Wow. So old Nichole there.

    Give her what she wants and back off. No contact for a while.

    Not easy, I know, but usually the best way to deal with such situations. Let her deal with the STD herself. That's what Planned Parenthood is for. (I believe they still do that) If not PP then there is a local clinic somewhere that does for free......I bet one of her friends can tell her.

    Give her time to miss you. Give her time to realize how much you do. Don't be so available to her.

    Way to tell her though. Good job.

    Hugs
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    PS

    Good thing is?? She is really a easy child.........currently the varied versions Step mentioned lol........but your basic easy child. Right now? She has a case of serious Grownupitis going on.

    Keep your boundaries firm and demand respect. She'll come around eventually.

    Hugs
     
  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Jena,

    Loads of commiseration here. Two weeks ago my son told me I had nothing to do with his life, and completely cussed me out....yesterday I met him for lunch as he nad his girlfriend are in a tough place and needed some parental advice. So things change and sometimes they change fast. Your daugthers attitude is not forever and so don't go there in your mind.

    Some advice I got from my therapist when we first kicked my son out almost a year ago was for me to stay in touch with him even if he didn't respond. Don't do it all the time but a couple of times a week maybe... just to keep the door open.I think it is tempting when they are so hurtful to just kind of write them off and wait until they contact you.... problem is their pride makes it real hard to do that. Fact is you probably want her to contact you if she is in a place where she is ready for help....

    So I have done that and it has helped.... when my son first got kicked out we didn't hear from him until he was arrested but when in trouble he contacted us. He called us a lot from jail when he was there for 2 weeks. Not so much when he was in rehab..... after this awful phone call I did not hear form him and did not contact him at all. I just decided to leave it to him.... but on Easter I sent him a text "Happy Easter Love mom". Didn't get a response. Two days later as he and his girlfriend are struggling with being kicked out of her moms house he called me.... and we had a really good meeting. I am sure his girlfriend encouraged him but I also think given I had reached out.... he felt he could reach back.

    This does not mean you are not detaching... .it is still important to detach, to not try and solve their problems, to live your life, find good things going on in your life etc.... but for me it felt better to at least let him know I am here and still love him even if he doesn't respond.

    So I would not text her tonight after her awful treatment of you. I would wait a few days and then text her a simple "I am thinking of you" type text. Dont offer anything, don't rescue her, but let her know you are still around.

    I hope this helps.
     
  8. troubled

    troubled Guest

    Sorry to hear your difficult child is being such a pain. I don't know why they think they can do whatever they want without suffering the consequences of a bad decision. Might have something to do with the way society likes to place blame on anyone but themselves. Where is the village when you need it? At least we are here for you! Sending you hugs! Keep the chin up! It's not your fault and it's not your problem to deal with.
     
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks... i'm just hurting alot right now. and yup i have way too much going on. i think i'm down for the count tonight. i sat in bathroom with water running so difficult child didnt' hear me crying for like an hr while she was drawing with step daughter.

    it's like sometimes you look at your life adn say ok how'd this happen all of it?? ever do that?? well that's where i'm at right now. my marriage sucks, difficult child well that's always a work in progress, easy child doing this. i get up each day knowing how much difficult child needs me to be honest. thats' my driving force right now. sick i think it should be me and my life driving me yet it isnt'.

    it's just way too bad of a year. i know i have to make some changes to make things more managable i'm just not sure exactly what those are right now. i feel like i've done so much already. i feel so alone in this because she doesn't have a dad, my family doesnt' call or email to ask anything at all. sorry big huge pity party tonight.

    i rode today yet wont' be doing it anymore, it felt good yet husband had a huge fit upon my return about how i spend money etc. it's funny i've never done for me before and i get it's expensive i do, yet its' the cost of therapy though that i havent' been in past several weeks because i keep loosing therapists.
     
  10. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Jena,
    I've been there with my difficult child. It hurts like crazy and, hard as it is, the only thing you can do is to let her be. Except for one time (when she scared the heck out of me by disappearing from her dad's with no explaination when I was to pick her up for a movie and then didn't call me for a month!), I usually contact her a couple of times per week. There are phases when she won't take or return my calls or texts, but then that changes. She goes through phases when she wants to spend time with me and phases when she does not. Lately, it's been more and more that she wants to be with me,but it's taken almost two years.

    Be patient. She can't miss you if you don't give her space ... and she WILL miss you.

    Stop asking her questions about her intentions, nothing good comes of it. She has to make her own choices now, and her own mistakes.

    I know it's hard. Hang in there.
    Dash
     
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i know i'm sooo bad.......... damn i try to control myself!!! it's SOOO hard!!!!!! i went for a drive, yes smoked a healthy cigarette got my marbles back in place at least for now. thanks........ you guys are right. it is hard. it shouldn't be this hard yet it's hard.
     
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Its so hard, but remember, let it go. Don't ask. Don't answer the phone. Call the cops and report her missing if you want. You don't know where she's at, and she's underage. Tell the school she's a missing person, please don't call. Box the letters up. For now, its just going to make the raw spots more raw. Hugs.
     
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    If a smoke is your only vice, then woman you're doing pretty good. Whatever keeps you sane some days.
     
  14. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Youngest dropped out of high school a month after she turned 18, just 4 months before graduation. It was very difficult for me to accept. But, it was her choice, and I had absolutely no control over it. I had fought so hard for her to get help that it sort of took the wind out of my sails, and I didn't even argue with her about her decision. She's 23 and still has no GED, and regrets her decision immensely.

    I agree with the others that you need to detach as best you can at this point. Send her a text or email every week or so it if makes you feel better, just saying "hope all is well with you, love you," but I wouldn't go any further than that. No "real" conversations. Give her the sapce she wants. This isn't a battle worth spending energy on right now, given what else you have on your plate.
     
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