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easy child wants to come home
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 433418" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Jen, I am NOT pointing this out to upset you, but I think it is something that you need to hear. We hear you post a LOT about taking things easy, going slow, making less chaos and more peace happen. These are good things, but you also want to move everything at lightning speed. I am sure that being out of the house for a month and a half seems like an incredibly long time after having had easy child home for all her life. it probably seems like a long time to both of you, but is isn't. Not really.</p><p></p><p>Just a few weeks ago you and husband were on the verge of divorce. Actually it seems this is a back and forth thing that has happened for a lot of your relationship. I am really happy that he is being so supportive with your new, and honestly very scary, diagnosis. But even that is so new to you that you have NO idea how it will play out. It adds to the stress that both of you feel, in every single way - financially, relationship wise, as a parent, everything. </p><p></p><p>easy child was out of control for a LONG time. the peaceful times seemed to be partly with a certain boy out of her life, or with no boyfriend - I don't know if it was one boy causing all the problems or just having a boyfriend at all, and that really doesn't matter. The fact is that easy child did not slide into difficult child behaviors quickly - they were there for a long time. There is NO WAY that she has learned her lessons in just a month and a half. No way that she can really deeply be ready to follow the house rules, even if they are rules meant more for an adult roommate than a child of the house. Have you talked to the family that she moved in with, to see what problems she had there and if she is coming home because they are kicking her out for the same behaviors that she had in your home? because I bet that is part of it, that and finding out how hard it is to pay your own way in life. </p><p></p><p>Quick fixes are something we are all trained to want, but they are not reality. Please slow this way down, give her a few more weeks out there, at a bare minimum, to truly figure out that she is giong to have to follow rules no matter where she lives. I saw this in my brother - moving out often to go work in some forest in some other state, then coming home and still having the same rules and refusing to follow them, and then going ack to wherever for 8 more months and back to mom and dad's for supposedly a week or two and not leaving for 3-4 months except that they never knew if he was coming home or not, regardless of the rule to call by 10 to let them know, etc... There were almost NO rules that he would follow consistently, not even after 8-10 months out of the house. In many ways this back and forth, retarded his growing up. He still cannot share a dwelling with another adult - the only reason his daughter can live with him is because she has always known his home to be the way it is. My mother has finally admitted out loud that they did him a HUGE disservice by allowing him to come home for so long each year up through age 35 or so. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if coming home is right for your family. I do know that this is about the time when difficult child will have started to settle into life with-o easy child, even though she misses her. You have all established new routines that are becoming normal for you, and easy child coming home right now will mean upsetting all of those. </p><p></p><p>In many ways your world moves much much faster than most peoples. It isn't good for any of you, esp not you with the ms and difficult child with her problems. I don't think that moving in will be the best thing for easy child. She is at the point that the novelty has worn off and she is seeing how tough life is - and coming home is just a way to hide from that and to be able to blame you for everything wrong. </p><p></p><p>As others have said, many many members have had pcs and difficult children on this out and in routine and coming home hasn't been successful for the vast majority in the years since I have joined htis forum.</p><p></p><p>Now I have said my piece, I will support what you decide and hope for the best for all of you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 433418, member: 1233"] Jen, I am NOT pointing this out to upset you, but I think it is something that you need to hear. We hear you post a LOT about taking things easy, going slow, making less chaos and more peace happen. These are good things, but you also want to move everything at lightning speed. I am sure that being out of the house for a month and a half seems like an incredibly long time after having had easy child home for all her life. it probably seems like a long time to both of you, but is isn't. Not really. Just a few weeks ago you and husband were on the verge of divorce. Actually it seems this is a back and forth thing that has happened for a lot of your relationship. I am really happy that he is being so supportive with your new, and honestly very scary, diagnosis. But even that is so new to you that you have NO idea how it will play out. It adds to the stress that both of you feel, in every single way - financially, relationship wise, as a parent, everything. easy child was out of control for a LONG time. the peaceful times seemed to be partly with a certain boy out of her life, or with no boyfriend - I don't know if it was one boy causing all the problems or just having a boyfriend at all, and that really doesn't matter. The fact is that easy child did not slide into difficult child behaviors quickly - they were there for a long time. There is NO WAY that she has learned her lessons in just a month and a half. No way that she can really deeply be ready to follow the house rules, even if they are rules meant more for an adult roommate than a child of the house. Have you talked to the family that she moved in with, to see what problems she had there and if she is coming home because they are kicking her out for the same behaviors that she had in your home? because I bet that is part of it, that and finding out how hard it is to pay your own way in life. Quick fixes are something we are all trained to want, but they are not reality. Please slow this way down, give her a few more weeks out there, at a bare minimum, to truly figure out that she is giong to have to follow rules no matter where she lives. I saw this in my brother - moving out often to go work in some forest in some other state, then coming home and still having the same rules and refusing to follow them, and then going ack to wherever for 8 more months and back to mom and dad's for supposedly a week or two and not leaving for 3-4 months except that they never knew if he was coming home or not, regardless of the rule to call by 10 to let them know, etc... There were almost NO rules that he would follow consistently, not even after 8-10 months out of the house. In many ways this back and forth, retarded his growing up. He still cannot share a dwelling with another adult - the only reason his daughter can live with him is because she has always known his home to be the way it is. My mother has finally admitted out loud that they did him a HUGE disservice by allowing him to come home for so long each year up through age 35 or so. I don't know if coming home is right for your family. I do know that this is about the time when difficult child will have started to settle into life with-o easy child, even though she misses her. You have all established new routines that are becoming normal for you, and easy child coming home right now will mean upsetting all of those. In many ways your world moves much much faster than most peoples. It isn't good for any of you, esp not you with the ms and difficult child with her problems. I don't think that moving in will be the best thing for easy child. She is at the point that the novelty has worn off and she is seeing how tough life is - and coming home is just a way to hide from that and to be able to blame you for everything wrong. As others have said, many many members have had pcs and difficult children on this out and in routine and coming home hasn't been successful for the vast majority in the years since I have joined htis forum. Now I have said my piece, I will support what you decide and hope for the best for all of you! [/QUOTE]
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